SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16681, 13 March 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

/in old man residing at Strowan Some wonderful plants has been growin’. For pumpkins of size He won the first prize— A tomato was what he was showin’. L”m quite convinced that writing Is not a paying game ; Professions more inviting Will win me greater fame. To Limerick I’ll travel. Where fighting has begun ; I’ll bring peace, and unravel Their tangles with a gun. I’ll be of crime suspected. And go to U.S.A.; And find myself selected To make a picture plav. Pll be Mayor of the city, And build a concert hall, Or join a School Committee, And sack the pupils all. A visitor to Christchurch has written to tlie Mayor concerning the pollution of the Avon and the Heathcote. He instances as a result of this the fact that whereas the pipis at- New Brighton | are transparent, those at Sumner are tinted. As a contemporary would have it, “ Rale Pink Pipis Plainly Prove Pleasure Place Polluted.” The Aussies now are windy about the Northern State, and there’s an awful shindy about its final fate. Sir Joseph Cook is stating that white men must be there : to stop the Chows migrating 5s now his constant care. But Barwell’s not agreeing, and votes against the white ; he calls for black men, seeing that they the heat can fight- The white mail, he considers, can never stand the clime; it quickly makes wives widows, it gets you every time. Whereas the hardv nigger cares naught for sun and heat: wherefore does Bnrwell figure the black man’s hard to beatBut still this keen discussion lias brought forth nothing new; and into it I'm rushin’, with my suggestion, too. The Territory at present of citizens i« bare; and yet the land is pleasant, if people but were there. The Irisb discontented should be transported thence. ;md Bolsheviks demented, and Labour fenders dense. It would be very handy, if lie should not behave, to catch ana transport Ghaiidi across th© stormy wa're. The striking Transvaal miners would l>e transported, too, by speedy ocean liners, to fields and pastures new. Upon the wharf we’d heave them, then pu t the helm about, and sail away and leave them to fight the matter out. drown had come home late and was sti imbling over the furniture in tne dark hall.

What are you growling about, dear?” called Mrs Brown from upsti lirs.

Ci I am growling,” he answered in his deepest bass voice, “to drown the burking of my shins.” The difficulty in the dictum “Laugh a,t your troubles ” is that we should bo 1 aughing all the time. V I have it on good authority that ns n. means of deciding the claim© of different tenants to the workers’ houses at Miramar, the Government Department concerned intends to set some sort of examination j >a P^ r - I have managed to procure a copy, which is as follows: (1) What is the effective range of « (a) your son’s shanghai, (b) your daughter’s voice? IX) you keep a gramophone? Does th© latter stop for meals? 2. Does your love of the open air take th© form of roses or a ball game? Do you expect your neighbours to admire th© one or throw back the other? 3. Do you keep lat© hours? If so, is it due to hops or consuming them ? 4. Is your dog (a) eloquent, (b) a light sleeper, (c) fond of children as playmates or as food? 5. Do you knock nails in the party walls, or only enter your neighbour’s houses by invitation ? 6. In your opinion would a murder at No. 6 or dirty steps at No. 7, give the street th© worst name? Give vour reasons, if any. 7. Are you handy with tools? What would you do (a) to keep the coal dry if the bath tap leaked, (b) to locate a gas escape if you had no candle ? (8) Would you use th© spare bedroom as a pigeon loft, or have von no hobbies ? (9.) How would you act if a pipe burst (a) in the scullery (b) in your wife’s absence? * 10. Do you regard your piano as a musical instrument, a dumb waiter or an evidence of respectability? Are you prepared to remove the loud pedal as a guarantee of friendly intentions 11. Did vour pre-war neighbours find you neighbourly or adjacent? 12. Who did you in the Great War. daddy? M A DEMO ISELLE FROM A R MENTIERES. (As Wordsworth might have written it.) She dwelt among the estaminets Beside the streams of Lys. A maid whom many used t-o praise, { But none at all could kiss. For all her neighbours well did know How great her virtues were ! Until the war came on—and. oh! The difference to her ! Some men who boast they live near to Nature would be more presentable if they lived near a laundry. Mr L. O. N. G. Shandy was stirred profoundly. “This little child has been expelled from school. It is a dastardly outrage.” “ Serve it right,” grunted Bill Barrier. “ Kids are. only a bloomin' noosance, anyway.” “ Remembej*. Bill,” said Mr Shandy, “ you yourself were a little child once —a dear, chubby, little eager soul in a Lord Fauntleroy suit, with neatly brushed hair, and a bath ©very morning. Ea-ch night you said your prayers at your mother’s knee ” “800-hoo!” sobbed Bill. “ Every Sunday,” continued Mr Shandy inexorably “ you went with your sweet little sisters to the Sundav School and ” Bill moaned and wept loudly. “ Remember,” said Mr Shandy, | “ how you promised your mother to I shun bad companions and drink?” “ Stop it, you’re breakin’ my ’art!” “ Can you not recall,” continued Mr Shandy, “ how your sainted mother ; died, blessing her dear little boy. | Would you not now give up this life j and return to the old farm amid the j apple blossoms, and be- an innocent I boy again?” “Cripevs!” wept Bill, “I’ll go back! to-rnorrer.” “ And now,” said Mr Shandy briskly, j ' “ what about a. good long drink? I’ve ! got enough to get us both blithered. ! Come on!” ' Blimey, sobbed Bill, " you’re the I ■ most heartless blighter I ever struck.” * SI NBA D. i