SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16641, 25 January 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

“Trotsky Resigns.”—Cable headline. "What, again? It appears that there is one sandwich that Chew Lee cannot chew. I have received the following interesting letter in connection with the rough-on-rats campaign : “Dear Sir, —As a prominent, and. I trust, useful member of the brigade which did such yeoman service against the rat terror on Sunday last, I write to protest against a gross misstatement which has appeared in your paper. You sav, sir, that of the' three animals killed, excluding the dog, one was a mouse with three legs. Now, sir, this is inaccurate, and as a citizen of Christchurch, who gave up the whole of hi; usual Sunday morning lie-in to meet the demands made upon his citieznship. I have to state that I viewed the aforesaid mouse very’ closely upon its capture. The truth of the matter is this: It was my four dogs (two terriers, one boarhound and one toy Pom) and my six ferrets, which were responsible for the death of the nuisance. I distinctly saw* one leg of tlie mouse disappearing down the throat of a ferret. I immediately' picked up the mouse and saw that there were three legs left. Therefore. by a simple process of arithmetic it must have had four to start with. This, sir. is the truth of the matter, and I strongly resent what appears to me to be an unjust and uncalled-for attempt to cast nasturtiums upon a band of self-sacrificing human beings I hate you! I hate you!”

Some London dramatic critics are perturbed by the question: “ Did Lady Macbeth snore?” I must confess that I know* of no authority for an answer in the affirmative, but her husband certainly snored, for are wc not told in Act 11. : “ Macbeth doth murder sleep ” ?

The Lord Mayor, at a civic reception to the Victorian cricketers playing in the Sheffield Match on Thursday, issued a warning that barracking would not be permitted.—Sydney cable. “Your gag, sir!’* 1 said the gatekeeper. ‘" Which style do you prefer?” “What styles have you?” said the enthusiastic cricketer. “We have :i very nice line in plain bandages. They interfere with the breathing a bit. Then there is the teeth-clamp—screws on to the upper and lower front teeth—very popular. We have also the spring pear, which is forced into the mouth and opens with a spring inside. An old French style, but very effective.” “I’ll not have any,"* said the other. “ I’ll give my parole.” “ Sorry, sir,” said the gate keeper. “ That won’t do to-day. Three new Victorian men are playing to-day. Very touchy, sir, they aro. If they even saw a bloke without his gag they'd down bats. Why, last time, a sparrow chirped as it flew across the ground, and it took ten minutes to induce Googsley to go on bowling, and when a train whistled ns it passed the grounds Macarter and Grerfield came back to the pavilion for nigh on half an hour!”

“ They didn’t use to be like that,” said the visitor. “No. sir; but they've been playing in England against Fender and Wilson, and they’ve been infected with the barrack germ. You can take your gag off when you have lunch, or when there’s no Victorians in the field. 5 “ Our lambs are going forward, to the freezing works,” said Mr M'Callum, in reference to the Meat Pool. One supposes he meant the farmers.

She had reached Heaven, been admitted by St Peter and directed to the crown room to be fitted. She finally made a selection. “ And trim it with a real pretty ostrich plume,” she said, “ for it must be an exclusive design.” and then she added, “and charge it, please.” With Britain and France, it seems to be a case of pact or impact. The “Echo de Paris,” announces that M. Poincare is re-shuffling the Cabinet. He will have to deal better cards if he wants to retain the moral support of the Allies. An American paper heads an article, “ Five Figure Women.” There’s nothing remarkable in this. I’ve seen women whose figures change every day. The London “ Daily Telegraph ” has a fulsome column on the vexed question of women’s football. The English Football Association is strongly against it. ! Tlie “Telegraph” says:—“To think of women struggling in December mud is not a pleasant picture. It is obvious that such exercise must be necessarily injurious for those who have more fragile limbs and less of what the French philosopher, Bergson, describes (as e’lan vital. 5 ” Yes, indeed. But I note a glowing account of a Birmingham football match, which goes to prove that women’s football is popular, anyway. “ Jump on her, Molly. Put the boot in!” “ C’mon now, use your weight, Grace —c’mon now, use your weight!” “ With cry and counter-cry, thirteen Amazons in ultramarine jumped on thirteen Amazons in maroon. The air was thick with flying mud ancl objurgation, and it- became alarmingly evident that Grace was at last using her weight, and Molly her football boots. They were terrific boots, besprigged with fierce studs of leather, and weighed several pounds. Both teams were in the pink, the forwards being especially prime- One heard cries of “Go to it. Meg! Bite her ear!” “Now then, who the pearl powder and peroxide are you shoving?”

“ Oh, you wretch, you pinched my transformation’ Afc the conclusion of a very fast and strenuous game, ultramarine had scored twelve to maroons’ ten goals. Four players were injured in the intellect. ancl several others on other i>arts> of their person. The groundsman reports having found tho following :—* One upper set of ivories, three hair combs (different shade*), One transformation, five liip-pads. ft.net one improver. The losers may hare their property by describing same to groundsman. Another match will be played on Saturday next —Strangle-liolds, clouhleNelson, and tfhe finger and tote lock barred. Match starts at three o’clock sharp. Ambulance practice, 3.5.

The small boy’s account- of his (imaginary) travels in Italy, as written in a school essay:—“ After sailing about Venice on a gorgonzola and being disappointed in the smallness of the boasted ‘ Bridge of Size,’ I went oh to Home. Again I was disappointed. The Coliseum there compared unfavourably the one in Christchurch, and there was no performance on. The maccaroni fields were white for harvest- but the spaghetti was only justin bloom. There was nothing on at tho Vaticombs, as the Pope no longer lives underground.” Tf a woman is boss at home you'll find canary birds and goldfish. But if n in mi is hose you’ll see dogs around. SINBAD.