Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16574, 5 November 1921, Page 4

Fun and Fancy.

She: “ Really, the Count sesmg t< He: “ Oh, quite! He doesn’t can tion of the people ho borrows money The Optimist : “ Honesty is the best policy/’ The Pessimist: ‘‘Yes; bo sure you are right, and vou’ll. get what’s left.”’ * * Don’t call a man hard names unless you know he is soft enough to permit it. Doctor (at accident): “Who—who will volunteer to tell this mans wife that he is hurt?” Blight Boy: “Get Jones to break the news- - he stutters.” Mr Knaggs: You should hear in mind that woman is the weaker vessel. Mrs Knaggs : “ But it’s the man who goes broke.” Philosopher: “Why do all married people get quarrelsome ?” Cynic: “I don’t know that they do. The question is. do :dl married people get quarrelsome. or do quarrelsome people only get married?” Mistress: “Jimmie, when is the best time to gather fruit?” Jimmie: “ When the farmer’s dog is tied tip, ma’am!” Reggie: “ I contend that a woman’s mind is more active than a man’s.” Willie: “Quite right. A woman can change her mind a dozen times while a j man is'making his up once.” |

“ Don’t look so glum, Pilkerton ; use j cheery words—they cost nothing.” “ Cost nothing? If I speak ten cheery words to my wife, she asks me for some money.” Author: “Was my bedroom drama produced in a realistic manner?” Producer: “Best ever. Dozens in the .udience were asleep.” Marie y : “How did Jock ever come to i marry such a plain-looking woman?” j Jorn : “ Well, her birthday is tlio day j before Christmas !” i | Thompson: “ Ivs as plain as the nose j I on your face.” Johnson: 1 Well, any- j | way, it isn’t as plain as the face be- j i hind your nose.” Tom: “T don’t like my wife to see me smoking.” Bob: “ I suppose that's why you are throwing out a smoke -Green.” “ It’s a good thing we can’t see ourselves as others see us,” said the cynic. “Isn’t it?” replied the film star. “ I know in my own case I should grow intolerably conceited.”

to be quits democratic. 9> re a. brass button about the social posi- ■ from.” > Johnson: “ A statesman goes to Wel--5 lington to see what good he can do the ■ country.” Jackson : “ Ah. yes. but there are politicians of all sorts. Some of ’em go there to see what good tho • country can do them.” j “I wish to marry your daughter. 1 sir.” “ Well, my boy, hadn’t von bet--1 ter see her mother first?” “I have, sir, and—c-r—l still wish to marry your ; daughter.” I “ Now, Jolinuy. do you understand thoroughly why I am going to -whip you?” “Yes, pa. You’re in a bad temper this mornin’, an’ you’ve got to | hit someone before you feel satisfied.” Dora’s mother: “ What makes you so positive that Sydney is falling in love with Dora?’ Dora’s Sister: “He’s beginning to find fault with you and father.” | Clerk (at seaside hotel): “ Fifteen shillings, sir, for room with bath.” Farmer Hayseed: “But I don’t want no room with a bath. I’m goin’ to Tjjpsli in the ocean every three or four “ What do you think you will make out of my daughter’s talent?” Profee- , sor (absent mindedly) : “About half a i guinea a lesson, if the piano lasts.”

Mr Goodman: “My little man, when I Tvas your age I didn’t smoke in the \ra.v you do.” Urchin: “I should think not! Why, there ain’t a kid in the street that kin make rings like me.” “What mo you walking over that rug BO ”1 uoh forp Aren’t you afraid that you II wear it out? ” “ You don’t understand, old man. My trousers are under that rug being pressed.” Prisoner: “ Forty shillings for eteala l>air of shoes?” Magistrate: Units what 1 said.” “Why, your worship, they didn’t fit.” First Artist: “Congratulate me, old man. I’ve just sold my masterpiece to old Poftteer for one thousand pounds.” Second Artist : “ Glad to hear it—the miserable skinflint deserves to be swindled.” Boggs’ Old Friend: “ Great Scott, man! Bo I find you reduced to playing a cornet at the street corner to make a living?” Boggs: “T ain’t doing this to make a living. My wife won’t let me practise in the house.”