SYMPTOMS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 20073, 9 October 1920, Page 1 (Supplement)

SYMPTOMS.

(By WALT MASON.)

1 road no able doctor’s boob, peruse no almanacs, which toll of frightful ills gadzooks, and pains in human backs’ 11m more you read about dispute the sicker you will fed, and you’ll have mumps and housemaids’ knees, and fantods in the bed. I used .to'read thi> almanac that boosted Homier’s pills - I kept it hanging in my shack, hard bv the window sills. And when .1 should have studied hymns, and tracts, and lungs ike those, I read of spavins on the limbs and bunions on the toes. And every time t read a, line it filled* me with despair; I found I’d anthrax in my spine, and dandruff in my hair, thou from my savings bank l“drew some nice ten-do!iur bills, and to the drug score promptly flew, and called for Hooper’s pills. Oh, Hooper in a palace dwelt, and Hooper’s yacht .was fine, and Hooper s butler used to pelt downstairs to fetch the wine; and Hooper lived on Easy Street, and Hooper rode to hounds, while I on weary, dragging feet to drug stores made my rounds. “ And ■ then one morn I had a ray of reason in my dome, and I got up and threw an ay the dope that idled my home 1 told myself that 1 was well and felt as suck as wax; glad day, when I no longer fell lor Hooper’s almanacs!