THE CENSOR ENTRENCHED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11669, 8 April 1916, Page 8

THE CENSOR ENTRENCHED.

HUMOURS OF THE POST. The safest placo for a censor is, undoubtedly, in. a dug-out at tho front. Those wfio foolishly linger on at home, dodging brickbats liurled alike by populaoa and Press,.suffer for their temerity. In the trenches is a happier existence, for there the censor's activities go unblest by publicity. He rules his littlo empire of suspicious literature quite untroubled by any authorities with power of criticism. Along the British lines he is usually a minor officer in his particular section, whose duty it is to examine all the outgoing mail of his astonishingly prolific charges. Tommy rather takes to letter-writing, and has thef picture postcard craze as well. This means work for tho censor, and doubtless exceedingly boresome work at times, but there are occasional alleviations. The mail is generally divisible into three parts—postcards, officially sealed letters, and letters unsealed. Most of the postcards are of tho army regulation sort, on which tho only possible epistolary offence is originality of any sort. Picture postcards there are however. In describing the activities of oiro "Bobby Little" as censor, lan Hay, writing for " Blackwood's," states that the French illustrated cards, presenting highly imaginative scenes in unmistakable colours, find much favour with the British forces, and that—

Most of these present soldiers—soldiers posing, soldiers exchanging international hand-grips, soldiers grouped round a massive and decolletee lady in flowing robes, and declaring that La patrie sera libre! Underneath this last, Private Ogg has written:

" Dear Lizzie, —I hope this finds you well as it leaves me so. I send you a French p.c. The. writing means long live the Queen of France."^

INDIRECT FIRE. The coveted "green envelopes" that must enclose all sealed letters, ■ana whose seal bears the writer's signature under the oath, •' I certify on my honour that the contents of this envelope refer to nothing but private and familv matters," form the easiest portion of the censor's labours. He has only to be sure that 110 bulky missive is addressed to someone—for example, the editor of .a London newspaper—'who might not be interested in "private and family matters." Then comes tho prying into the unsealed letters, in wliich duty tho censor's conscience js considerably put at rest by evidence that some of the writers rathefr enjoy than otherwise the prospect of official perusal. Or, as wo read-

Others cheerfully avail themselves of this opportunity, or conveying advice or reproof to those above them, by means of what the Royal Artillery call "indirect fire." Private JDunshie remarks :

"We have been getting no pay these three weeks, but 1 doubt .tho officer will Know what has become of the money."

It is tho firm conviction of every private soldier in " Ki " (khaki) that all fines and deductions go straight into the pocket of the officer, who loviea them. Private Hogg, always an optimist, opines: " Tho officers should know better how to treat us now, for they all get a read of our letters." THE APPROVED FORMULA.

The censor soon gains, certainly, a running knowledge of all the many and devious flirtations which Tommy carries on in the face of possible immediate destruction. It is a happy day, for example, that brings to light the fact that "Private Cosh," who has been writing incessantly to nr fewer than four admiring females, has been deserted by one of them in favour of the local milkman (tho slacker!) The dif r; ference that this rift will make-to the censor is appreciable. Thus heartened, he ploughs steadily on through the other letters:

Most of them begin in accordance with some approved formula, such as— It is with the greatest of pleasure that I take up my pen— It is invariably a pencil, and a blunt ■one at that.

Crosses are übiquitous, and-the flap of tne envelope usually bears the mystic, formula, S. W. A. K. This apparently means "Sealed with a kiss," which, considering that the sealing is done not by the writer, but by the censor, seems to take a good deal for granted. Most of the letters acknowledge the receipt of a " parcel," many give a guarded summary of the military situation:—

We are not allowed to tell you about tho war, but I may say that we are now in the trenches. Wo are all in the pink, and not many of the boys ha& gotten a dose of lead-poisoning yet.

It is a pity that the names of places have to be left blank. Otherwise wo should get some fine phonetic spelling. Our pronunciation is founded on no pedantic rules. Armentieres is Armentears, Busues is Business, Balleid is 800100, and Vieille Chapelle is Veal Chapel. THE ENDING. The chief difficulty of the writers appears to bo to round off their letters gracofullj. "Having no more to say, i will now draw to a close," is the accepted formula. Private Burke, never a tactician, concludes a most ardent love-letter thus: Well, I£ate, I will now close, as 1 have to write to another of the girls." But to Private Mucklewame literary composition presents no difficulties. Here is a single example of his terse and masterly' stj'le: *' Dere wife, if you cmikl make tho next- postal order a trifle stronger, 1 might got getting an egg to my tea.— Your loving husband, Jas. Mucklewame, No. 74077." But there is a serious side, too, to the correspondence that passes through Censor Little's hands, and this does not lack appreciation from tho sympathetic critic. Listen to Lance-Corporal M'Snape:— " Well, mother, I got your parcel, and the things was most welcome; but you must not send any more. I seen a shilling stamp on the parcel; that is too much for you to afford.'' How many officers take the trouble to examine v the stamp on their parcels? And there is a wealth of homely sen-timent-and honest affection which holds up its head without shame even in the presence ol' the censor. One rather pathetic screed began: "Well, wife, I doubt this will be a poor letter, for I canna get one of they green envelopes to-day, but I'll try my best —■—

Bobby Little sealed and signed without further scrutiny