THE STORY-TELLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11572, 16 December 1915, Page 7

THE STORY-TELLER.

THINGS OLD AND NEW. | INSUPPORTABLE. Little Nelly bad just had #3r first clip in tho " briny." "How did you like it, dearie?" asked her mother as she fastened the little live-year-old's frock. Nelly glared at tho sparkling no a with much annoyance. " I didn't like it at all, mother,"-' she replied coldly. "X sat on a. wavo and went through." RIGHT AND LEFT. The -minister was dining with tho Dashes, and ho was denouncing: tho new styles in dancing. Turning to tho daughter of the house, he asked sternly: "Do you yourself, Miss Dash, think tho girls who danco these d'ances art* right F" "They must be," was tho answer, " because I noti(;o the girl« who won't danco them aro always left." HARDSHIPS OF WAR. A dirty little urchin went into a grocer's shop and asked for a ha'porth of soap. " Go and buy your lurporth's where you buy your pounds from," replied tho grocer. "We've nover bought aivv before," answered tho m-chin. "Wo always waits for samples to como round, but since tho war's been on they've not been round so offen wiv it." CRUSHING. Tho two Sherid'ans. father and son, were supping with Michael Kellytone one night at a period when young Tom expected to get into Parliament. "I think, father," said lie. "that many men who are called great patriots in the Commons are great humbugs. For my own part, I will pledge myself to no party, but write upon my forehead, in legible characters, " To bo let." " And under that, Tom,'' replied the father, "write unfurnished 1" ALL BUT THE MOST. Tho young wifo gazed into her husband's ores. "James," slio began, "you know how I hrfvo been scraping and saving all tho winter for my now summer cos-, tume?" "Yes." said the man, "I know-." "Well," she went on, "I've decided on it now. It is to be made of pale green broadcloth, and it will cost seven, guineas; i want yon to help mo a little." "llow much .do you need?" inquired the husband wearily. " I've got it all but five pound's ton !"

CRYSTAL GAZING. A medical student was learning the use of the ophthalmoscope. He was told to examine a man's eyo and report upon tho condition of it. The doctor-to-bo adjusted the instrument and looked long and searchinglv into the subject's left optic. "Most remarkable!" he ejaculated with a surprised look. Readjusting the opthalmoscope, he again carefully scrutinised tho eye. ' " Very extraordinary indeed!" he exclaimed. " I never heard of such an eye. This must be some new disease. Have you ever had an expert's opinion on it?" " Once," was the laconic reply. "Tho man who put it in said it was a fine bit of glass." THE OLD ADAM. A well-known Scottish architect was once travelling in Palestine, when news reached him of an addition to his family rfi'rcle. The happy father immediately provided himself with water from the Jordan to carry home for the christening of tho infant, and returned to Scotland. On tho Sunday appointed for the cere, mony ho duly presented himself at tho church, and sought out tho beadle in ord-er to hand over the precious water to his care. He pulled the bottle from his pocket, but the beadlo held up a warning hand, and came nearer to whisper: "No tho noo, air." he said, "no tho noo. Maybo after the kirk's oot."

WIGHT HAVE BEEN" WORSE. t( See here, sir." yelled the indignant citizen, ho entered the office of the " Daily Whip," what do you mean by this article in yesterday's newspaper?" "What is it?" asked the editor. " What is it?" shouted the indignant citizen. " Whv you refer to 1110 as a. greedv jobber!" "That is too bad," replied tho editor. "Itis a typographical error, and I'm sorry it appeared as ifc did." " Oh. very well," answered the indignant citiVn. " I accept, ypur apologv." "I don't know how that linotvpe fool camo to set the word 'jobber.' " added tho editor. '' I wrote the word ' robber ' very plainly."