WAR NOTES AND NOTIONS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11267, 22 December 1914, Page 2

WAR NOTES AND NOTIONS.

'Th© burning question is: Who will reach Berlin first, the Kaiser or the Czar F—"San Francisco Town Talk.

No news is good news, but in spite of the Press censor it doesn't make war news. The French are displayng an accurate marksmanshp, wheh seems to prove thnt not manv duellists enlisted. — " New York Tribune." %* Tho Belctian Government can hardly complain of cruelties, after blowing up tho breweries as the Germans advanced.--" Wall Street Journal.' ••• An officer at tho front writes home: I he-r a delightful story of a_ German prisoner, verv dejected amidst his guard- "Damn the Kaiser! I wish I was' back in Sheffield/' ho said in good English. Kaiser Bill lias* already handed out 4000 Iron Crosses to his butchering Huns. In olden times the custom was to hang the thief upon a cross; nowadays it is tho Gernrri method to hang a cross upon the thief. It is surprising to hear of the Germans' proposal to throw a pontoon bridge across the Channel. Surely a man" of the Kaiser's influential standing could arrange for a repetition of (he Rod Sea incident.—" London Opinion." ... Mrs Flora Annie Steel, the famous novel-'st. declares that woman's in war time is the work that men are doing and ought not to do. "Men to-day. «ho declares, "'have' no business to be in drapers' shops, no business to b n celling face powders to women. It would'be considered a Fhame for a m"n abroad to do these things." and. moreover, women can do them much better. V It's about time for a Kipling poem on the bear that walks like a gentleman.—" Pittsbarg Gazette Times." The Germans were so mortified because there was no rebellion in Ulster that tried to raise one at the Cape.—" London Opinion." • • . "The British Emoire," according to a German leader writer, "is a mere bubble." And the German Press supplies the "squeak!" *»* " Simplicissimus," the German "humorous"' paper, has an "Album of' Criminals," in which -n honoured place is given to " Loais Botha, the traitor to Tiis country." The Germans, it is claimed, have an invention which will enable to b'ow our fleet to smithereens. That s just what it sounds like—an invention 1 *•* "'Property insured in London i 5 valued at £1,320 QQO," according to an announcement made by Lord Pe'jl 1-st week. One can almost hear the Kaiser, smacking his lips.—" Punch." • ••• A pessimist declares that the Germans will go to England and blow up the Houses of Parliament. The Kaiser who has played so many parts, would then figure as a Redistribution of Seats Bill. ••• In l£l7t Victor Hugo wrote that Germany having freed France from an Emperor, France wotfd in time return the compliment. France is now trying to make" Victor Hugo's word good, but the German people will have to do something to help, themselves. *-• We have heard of the appearance of cholera in the Austrian armies, but it does not seem to be the only epidemic that is active. Five generals commanding armv corps have retirpd simultaneously " for reasons of health," and the newspapers record the fact, we are tela, without common. Probably the Austrian War Office could give a name to their malady. ••* FALL IN. Why do they call, sonny, why do they cull . - ' For men who are brave and strong? Is it naught to you if your country fall, 0 And Right is smashed by Wrong ? Is it football still and the picture show, Tho pub and the betting odds, When your brothers stand to the tyrant's blow, And England's call is God's? —Harold Begbie. *»* ' SUPPRESSION OF TRUTH. The "Fatherland" is a journal published in New York to secure "Fair Play for Germany and Austria-Hun-gary." In the number for October 7

wo oro told that "the only ho]jo or England" is " the suppression or jJiej truth." Hero is somo or tho ' truth' which (quite truly) we are not permitted to know:—- ~,/-, (a) "Ireland . . . looks to Germany for freedom." _ _ (b) "Revolution is raising its head in India and Egypft" . • ' (c) "Wo print to-day communications from Ireland, India and Egypt, clearly revealing tho approaching doom ot tho British Empire.' "In • Australia tho Government Prirtv was routed." . This last is perhaps the quaintest stroke of humour, since tho lender who clefeited the " Government Party' was Mr Fisher, the first Dominion statesman to wire to the Mother Country that Australia was with hot 'to *ho lost man and tho last shilling. \Yoi have as little respect for German "truth" as for German "culture.' — "'Westminster Gazette." •«• KAISER'S SPLENDID HARNESS. When the Duke of Wellington was i.skcd how he managed to beat Napoleon's marshals he said it was because thev planned their campaigns " jttst as : you might make a splendid set ot liar-, ness. It looks very well, and answers very well, until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now, 1 maao my campaigns of ropes. If anything, went wrong I tied "a knot and went, on -" ■ SPOILS OF WAR. The loss of the Kronprinzessm ■ Ocille must have involved a deadly Wow to the German sausage industry. Tn the Commercial Sale Room, Jslincincr Lane, her cargo was sold on ehalf of the .Admiralty. It included countless thousands of saus-ee sbns, of all :i7--s. ranging from the lordly "large German" down to the imforra "of the more diminutive ' Frankfurter." ••* TEMPORA MUTANTUR. Twenty vears ago a "Royal Commission solemnly declared that no prrssihjg; contingency could he held to ,iustuv +bo dispatch of Indian troops to Europe. To-day - wolcome with op>n amis the duskv V- ;> Ghurka, the tall Sikh, and the- state'y Rajput, tho pics of TncV.a's fighting rnc-s, Can we- not extend the we'oome further and ma kg them eligible for the Victoria Cross. *•• THE EATCt-t?. AND THE MARINES. The German Emperor once paid a handsome compliment to the British marines. . He was lunching with somo Royal , Marine officers at their headquarters at Eastney, by Portsmouth, and he told them: "I consider that th'> Br'tish Royal Marine is the oe.it fighting man in tho world/ Tint, was twenty years ago; but the. "JoUks" may yet have a chance of reminding him of the incident. *." THE WOMAN OF CHAR. Knowing; how garrulous char-ladies are, Perhaps it.was foolish to stav And chat for a while with the Woman of Char, Who works for my wife very day. But I thought that her views ■'Micht have value as news, And I fancy they have--in a way. "My 'usbiirs enlisted," she said, "so's my son, They'll jolly soon 6how 'em 'oo's best., ; And as for the Kayser—the wretched old 'Un—- ' They're worth six of 'im and tho rest. I (censored) well know When they catch 'im 'e'll go In quick time to (suppressFor nearly an hour ?he harangued and de-laired In most forcible terms with recard To the ultimate end of the gentleman named. The verbatim report has been barred ; But. as doubtless you've guessed, If his future should rest With the Woman of Char, he'll be charred. —Desmond Carter. MUST THE KILT GO? A Scottish, and therefore unprejudiced, writer, states that wounded Highland soldiers now in a certain. Loudon hospital say that the k : lt Was ceased to bo helpful to the fighting unit in the war. ' No one questions that it is picturesque—and though the Germans affect to laugh at it as strange and outl-ndieh, one remembers photographs of the present Kaiser and his father in full Highland dress. But in the serious business of war—the battles and severe forced marches in France—especially in rainy weather,

the kilt was found to be a considerable hindranct. ••• AVHEN THE BALTIC FREEZES. As tho German fleet, persists in refusing to accept our sailors' iiivivitions to put to sea, find ''haveit out," un impatient retired imval oihcer asks whether wo. tiro to wait for a severe frost, in order that the German warsliips* shall bo captured by cavalry. The Dutch fleet was so captured in 'ho Teel in 1794 by French hussars belonging to tho army of General Richer u. •»• A CRITIC OF THE WAR. I know an aged pensioner. And perhaps you know him tooHo sits on a ru-tio bench all day With a pint of ale, and a pipe ol clay. And he works out politics, glad and gayAnd I dare say, so do you. But lately his ale is rarely minded, And I wonder—well, wouldn t you.' The reason is that he's grieving olt O'er tho war, till his bram has gone nuite soft, ■\nd if curses could send tho Kaiser aloft, He'd go there, long before you. He'd crush the Prussians to little bits, And perhaps you'd crush them too. He'd harry them, worry them into tits, . , , He'd poison the Emperor where he eits; , . , He'd never listen if they cried "Quits"; He'd torture them,, wouldn t you? So I leave him alone with his " Ger-^ man dogs," ~ ~ And I vairsh— well, wouldn't you? And I bear him swear at the "rrussian hofr-s." Till the air is bluer than sulpbur fogs. And hi* Voice is ;vs hoarse as the wellknown frog's, And perhaps, you'd vanish too. —Elsie E. Jennings. Novthcote.