THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 10753, 26 April 1913, Page 6

THE WEEK.

The slowly progressing Sugar Trust ease is an illustration of Milton's line—if Milton wrote it —" lingering sweetness lone; drawn out." It's a sweet case, anyhow. <► Dr Thacker says lie would like to seo a herd of I'2o cows grazing in North Park. But how would the hockey girls be getting along if one ol t' nG cows strayed on to the field of play?

The Know-nothing Government is living up to its name. This week the Minister of Public Works confessed that lie didn't know whether Colonel Allen had done what ho went Homo to do.

There is a movement down eolston way to dam the river Heathcote. This seems to be a reversion to ancient conditions, because, if the stories of the pioneers are to he believed it used to happen pretty often before the river was bridged.

A good many things como to newspaper editors in the course of their busy lives. The other day a cow invaded the sanctum of the editor of an up-country journal in tho North Island. Needless to say. it supplied the cream of the day's news.

There is another agitation in train about the milk supply. Tho last time an endeavour was made to deal with diseased cows the people who owned the cows kicked up such a turmoil that the Government was glad to change the subject. Will the Reform Government be more courageous?

A lady doctor, delivering an election address up Auckland way, said she would like to see the hospital so well conducted that people would long to go there. It used to be true of public hospitals in this country that it was mighty hard to get into them, but harder still to get out. But of course that can't be true now.

A night or two back when the two judges of the competitions walked on the stage to announce the results the German music man told the audience that they were going to speak a piece about " music and electrocution." There are times in the history of competitions as well as of nations when electrocution would be quite fn order.

Talking at one of those places in the North Island that are so far out of the way that only Ministers of the Crown can afford the time and money to visit them, the Prime Minister announced that the surplus would be about £700,000. 'The first marvel about this announcement is the fact that the Prime Minister knew anything about it. Hitherto he has confessed only to a profound ignorance on any and every subject. And the next marvel is that he called it a surplus. For years and years brother William denied that there could be such a thing as a surplus in New Zealand. How is the surplus arrived at, anyhow? Did the Colonel '' underestimate the revenue and overestimate the expenditure," or is it just one of those fictitious balances that result from bad book-keeping. Brother William surely wont ask us to believe that the dominion has jumped in one short year from a real deficit to a real surplus of nearly three-quarters of a million. And yet, if brother William spoke the truth in bygone days and still speaks it, that is M'liat must have happened.

A man of obviously Scottish extraction endeavoured this week to interest a well-known money-lender in a deal. The money-lender, who is a Hebrew, and incidentally makes a hobby of collecting pretty stories, was reluctant, and finally turned the proposition down with the remark, " I never go into a deal with a Scotchman." " You know," he went on, " a number of men once met in Edinburgh to fix up a deal. They were all Scotch with one exception. Shortly after the conference began one big man. with whiskers all over his face, called this exception to one side. ' Aye, mannie,'. said the big chap, in the broadest of broad Scotch, 'I didna catch your name?' 'My name's Klein,' said the other. 'l'm from America.' 'An',' said the other, ' arre ye no a Hebrrew?' 'I am,' said Mr Klein, rather sharply. ' Dinna say a worrd,' said the Scotchman. ' Man, dear, but I'm that glad to meet you. I'm a Hebrred maself.' 'What's that?' asked .Klein, in surprise. ' Dinna raise yer Toice/ said the other, whispering, ' I've no dared let these Scotties know I'm- a Jew. I'm feared they'd cheat me.' And," added the money-lender, " that's just how I feel about it."

Yells and shrieks of agony emanating from a physical culture institute caused a commotion in the centre of the city a few days ago, and a much alarmed individual who heard them rushed to a telephone to secure the services of a reporter. In due course a reporter made investigations, which went to show that physical culture is not always beer and skittles. It- seems that a man from the country, whose muscles had been getting a bit stiff, and whose stomach had been kicking, had strolled in to inquire about "this here physical culture." Being satisfied with the prospects he had decided to take half an hour of exercises forthwith. Incidentally he was stripped for examination. "Do you ever have a- wash?" asked the culturist, viewing the dull grey of the skin suspiciously.

"Sometimes," replied the man

"I don't mean face and hands," explained the expert; "do you ever get a wash all over?" The man said ho didn't know. '' T fell in the Wa-iau a year or two back," he added. Then, reflecting, he admitted that it was the year after the exhibition. The expert- suggested that a thorough bath would be an excellent beginning and after some demur the visitor consented. Plenty of hot water, a scrubbing brush and a bar of soap were requisitioned, and after;'.a vigorous ten minutes the visitor emerged as red as a lobster, but "clean. "We'll ju<: finish it off." said the expert, and tb« visitor lay down and was gently laved with hot water, poured out from a bucket. "That's fine!'' exclaimed the man. "If I'd known how nice it was I'd have had a bath long ago." " Wait p. minute," demanded the expert, who had reserved the real joy to the last. "You'd catch cold if you went out like that." The next thing the, man knew wts that he was being soused with a bucketful of cold water. He gasped, then sprang to his feet with a yell, and another bucketful hit him in the wind. Yelling murder and police he dashed for the door of t{je bathroom, suffering another dousing on the way. That was the end of him, and he subsided 011 the floor, whimpering and cowed—