THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 9790, 5 March 1910, Page 6

THE WEEK.

The Mayor of New Brighton says bhat be is going to keep the beach clean. Another case of washed ashore. —:—~» The finest bit of fielding at Lancaster Park on Monday was achieved by a youth chasing a oigarette paper. +. _ ThA Hon James Carroll says that he will make an example of Rua if the Maori pw>phet Misbehaves. He will mike Rua Rue. Wellington has been complaining thai the Judges are overworked. Quite a number of people think them too -■■ lend of hard labour. When you com© to think of it the :■■ Socialist and the capitalist are very much alike. Eeach thinKs the other is trying to grab the earth. _—,—» The Hon Thomas Mackenzie is going to Hanmer. When he comes back the name of the health resort will doubtless be changed to Rutherfordville. » What is Sumner keeping so horribly quiet about? Whenever mixed bath- .: ing is mentioned the Suranerites say, • " Oh! you mean New Brighton !" * You say that the world is talk- - Ing of a young man; that is a eulogy. But if you say that the world is talking of a young lady that is an elegy. - * ■ Judging by the correspondence in the papers, any scrubbing that is to be done ,: at New Brighton can be carried out . with the soap that doesn't wash clothes. +. " The Call of the Wild " is the headline of the latest Shackleton venture. It sounds like an echo from Riccarton when a welsher has dodged the crowd. "Breeze at the Hospital Board" is % headline referring to Wednesday's meeting. Considering how hot the day was the members must have been grateful • »T-■■■.'■" : Uoyd George is talking about bring-

ing in a "dual" Budget this year. Seeing that the Lords have declared war to the knife, he must mean a "duel" Budget.

Among the animals excluded by order of the Hon D, Buddo were several cheetahs. The Minister rightly assumed that there were too many of this class in the dominion already.

Two big picnic parties went to Lyttelton on Thursday. The Port people knew better. They had a picnic on tho same day, and they took good care to put tho hills between them and the harbour.

lije King is to dine the Federal High Commissioner to-day, and he must havn prepared a truly Royal fea-st tor, according to a cable message, his Majesty will leave London on Monday to take the cure at Biarritz.

M. Rostand is reported to have received £26..000 for the rights of " Chantecler" before the barnyard play was oven produced. Rostand's prize rooster ought to be mated with the hen that lays the golden eggs. + . The correspondent who suggested an ideal surf-bathing display by the Mayor and Councillors of New Brighton should really be complimented. The event would be more profitable to the Tramway Boai'd than a Wainoni gala.

The worshipful Mayor of Brighton "Went down to the beach with a frown, Ai;d what.ho saw there would frjrhion Tho worldliest man in the town. There were groups of young men and women In and out of the waler, Some of.'em walkin', some swiniinin', But none of 'cm dressed as they ought to.

The Hon David Buddo is learning guickly. The other day he had to receive a Papanui doputation. He kept it talking until the north train steamed up, and then departed for Rangiora without having given a definite reply. The nest deputation will take care to get between David and the railway line.

According to a Press Association message which comes from Auckland Lord Kitchener was visibly impressed by tho importance of Auckland Harbour, studying charts and plans with intense concentration. The poor man had good reason to study the charts. He never knew when his ship might bump on a rock.

" The "Week " had lunch with a jovial friend the other day, and the jovial friend asjeed for cheese. He got it—* a tiny morsel that might very well have walked by itself. When next the waitress appeared the friend addressed her as "Miss Marie Gorelli." "I'm not Marie Oorellii" returned the indignant young lady. " Well, you produced this ' mitey atom,'" was the crushing retort.

A contemporary says that the attendance at the Hoathcote School " has reached its higliest point, and may bo expected to-steadily increase." Apart from the split infinitive the sentiment sounds'a little Irish. Tho paragrapher adds that the local School Committee has raised £73 for school purposes in five years,' " which, considering the population, may be considered extremely good." Why reflect on the generosity of the people in this wanton fashion P

Churchill Christchnrch sailed close to the wind of contempt of Court last night. His Lordship, who presided at the Rev H, S. Woollcombe's meeting, explained that Mr il. W. Bishop, S.M., had intended to be present, but had been prevented bj a severe sort throat. "I don't wonder at that," he added. "I Jiave read the papers for the last day or so." The Churchman must have a quaint idea of Court procedure if be thinks the Magistrate spends his rime roaring at counsel, and King's Counsel at that.

CANTERBURY v. AUSTRALIA. COMMENTS ON THE MATCH. Commenting upon tihe CanterburyAustralia match the Auckland " Star " says:—- « i) Referring to the game match the "New Zealand Herald" remarks: — —... ■ ♦ The "Besses o' the Barnes," having returned from a visit to Dunedin, proudly boasted, thai there would bo a shortage of three-penny bits in the southern capital until such time as the mint could be communicated with. This, they allege, is the result of their open-air concerts. "The Week" is still game to bet that there are a few of the tardy "thrummers" still left in the Scotch city, but the evidence produced by the treasurer of the band was, nevertheless, conclusive enough to deceive a stranger. Among the silver coins contributed at the Sunday concert was a school children's medal commemorative of the visit of the Duke and Duchess of.York, which had been carefully wrapped in. silver cigarette paper; whilst another was a whitemetal disc about the size of a shilling, which bore the legend, " This medal was struck in commemoration of the Jubilee of the Church." You ought to hear " owd Tom Bowling " on this attitude of tho Scot towards the North of England. It is a pity that Sir Georgo Reid'e audience witi. the King was not more fully reported. The Federal High Commissioner has gone rather to what used to be called in polite circles embonpoint, a graceful word rarely heard in these degenerate days. Sir George received his knightb«od from the King in person. "Kneel, George Reid," would be the first command; and wnen the portly politician had been spanked by the royal rapier, his Majesty would .say, " Rise, Sir George Reid," or words to that effect. .and AustraJians will see the familiar smile and the familiar manipulation of the eyeglass, and they can imagine Sir George's frank admission, " Sire, the spirit is willing, but the fle6h is weak. May I crave the assistance of one of the Royal attendants to set me on my feet again?" King Edward is nothing if not dignified, and the situation would be passed tactfully. But if a Royal wag happened to get George Houston, Reid on bis knees he would be tempted to keep the High Commissioner thero until he begged for mercy. But even then "The Week" would back tho inveterate Australian jester to get the t«Uxw: of the deal.

It is one of the pale small sad joys of the Tamo Poet's melancholy and blameless existence to stand on railway platforms and watch people arrivo by trains. Only ono thing mars the satisfaction he gets out of this exhilarating pastime, and that is the brutal and ruthless behaviour of certain porters, who rush madly up and down tho platform with hugo trucks pileu with luggage, hurling tho patient public aside by tho suddenness of their onslaught with much damage to said public. Kipling not requiring his poet'b license this week the Tame Poet borrowed it. You will kindly note the "ye." THE MO:;-:R-\' JUGGERNAUT. Ye have heard tho tale of the Juggernaut On India's coral sirond. Where the hoathen docs things that he didn't ought By his evil pas3ioii3 faim'd. Yc have heard of the fearful mctor-fiend Wh:i scours the straets all day. Who kills old men and babes unweaned When he rrccs out to slay. But stand on a railway platform's side When a tram has just come in, And guard ye well youv precious hide, For tha.t is a place of sin. Wh»n the crowd is as thick as a crnwd can ha. Tho hi2gage trollies come. And strong women faint and fa: v men floe, Or with fear are stricken dumb. They come with a rushing ct" fhnni»'rous vheeV A-d. a howl of "T\v y'r 'cave!" A"d tl">n vs mus; lift to <b» victims' squeals Ere their dying breath they breathe. The trollies rif.h an. and in their wake Ir. a scene ef carnage dire; It ■pci»' : Hit? the nrdst of a great earthquake Or a mo3t disastrous fire. Tho porter, takin<r him all in all, Is a decent kind cf lad, Brt rive him »■ tro'ley of good* to haul And he goes stark staring mad. So s : m: me not of the Juggernaut. Or 'lie motcv-fiend fcrbye, For I have witr>r«rd n. vrff" onslaught, And its memory fhnll not die. «