THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 9273, 27 June 1908, Page 4

THE WEEK.

,4 . , » «:: Many a man will point out the silver I- lining in the cloud to- avoid lending you San umbrella. ; ■ ' + ' ■ ■ S^£\ub newest baritone in the Old (World— hi* name is Pusch — ought to thrust his way to the front. « Modern, proverb : It is a wise child Jliat goes out of the room to laugh kfcen his father hits his thumb with the hammer. ♦ Even the Bench smiled at the Magistrate's Court when Lawyer Donnelly fend Orderly Scully tried to pass each jother in the doorway. I , „ *„ " After the show, visit the Turkish is an advertisement on a theaVre programme, which suggests that jfche "show" is decidedly "warm." The latest sensation in variety circles gs an .Indian wlio sits in a pit full of rattlesnakes, and eate his meals. He declares that it is a rattling good way ' jof making a living. ■ _ ... _ ♦ — r . . ' . <: "Tso you know/ said the teacher, kfcddressing a new puT>i\^HJh&t_jouh§£6_

a soul?" "Oh, yes; of course," said ?6 the young hopeful, placing Jus hand Br over his heart; " I can hear it tick." M • ~ "Hold him for you, sir?" said the urchin. "No, thanks; he won't run away," replied the horseman. "Of course he won't," returned the urchin with withering sarcasm. " But he , might fall down I" - 4 ( Excited passenger, who has just ~ missed the Lyttelton train: "Porter, porter, can I catch the 2.46 to Port?" Porter: "Well, look 'ere, sir. Oan ie you run.? It's only just gone out L^ ahout two minutes." XT • n» Old Lady to Conductor (her first ride jl on an electric tram) : " Would it be c dangerous, conductor, if I put my foot jq on this rail?" Conductor: "No, c_ ma'am, not unless you put the other y one on the overhead wire." a • r , "We regret that pressure on our r - space last month prevented us from red cording the death of Mr ," was n the unfortunate way in wfliioh a inonth- ° ly journal commenced an obituary no- * tice of a prominent citizen. 1 * " Butchering. — Wanted, Young a Man; one who can cut up and serve " customers; no killing. Address ." 5 So read an advertisement in a contemporary the other day. A correspondent v suggests that it must have been drafted by Portia. , 9 An advertisement in a co-ntempor-t ary : — , " Cart mare having lost her foal, and would be glad to hear of one. Apt- " ply .» .• What a wonderful example this is j. of the 'intelligence of the so-called lower animal. i -^ It was at a discussion on the Licensing Bill, and a young clergyman) was in p the middle of his speech when someone ■ roared out, "Where's your donkey?" Quickly came the retort, " Someone f here asks where' my donkey is. If a ■ donkey keeps his mouth shut, no one , knows where he is." I "^ Referring to the expressed intention of the Otago Acclimatisation Society to ( improve the herds of deer by the elimi- > nation of all objectionable heads, a . correspondent writes unkindly to know ; if the same rule could not be applied with advantage to candidates for the next parliamentary election. ♦ : The teacher of a suburban Sunday school class recently asked her pupils , what was the first thing the children of Israel did after they had crossed the ; Red Sea. There was silence for a mo- ; ment, and then a tiny hand went up ; and a still tinier voice piped out, : " Please, Miss, they dried themselves." ♦ The West Coasters have entered a protest against the presumption of the football folk calling Wednesday's game in Wellington the - " North Island v. South Island " match. It seems that the West Coast of this island was not considered in the selection of the South Island team. Yfell ? How do the West Coasters know? And what a long tail our cat's got anyway. • . — ; — « The elite graced the dress circle at the new orchestra's first performance on Thursday, but somehow an ultraartistic person got in among them. ' When Herr Ben no Scherek had finished the last loud bang of Chopin's Polonaise, there was a breathless pause. "Strike me," said the ultra-artistic person, in a loud voice, ''didn't Beano let 'c;- out co-mi n' up the straight!" The English "johnny" went out to buy a poultry farm at New Brighton. The proprietor- proudly displayed his | westers and their cG-ncubines, and ths "'johnny" wandered aimlessfy round after him. " It's awfully beastly interesting, and all that sort of thing, don't you know, old chappie," he ©aid finally; "but what do the beastly things do with themselves all day?" Then the seller gave up. «- The wretched small boy rudely interrupted the seriousness of "The Prisoner of Zenda" the other evening. Julius Knight threw off his gorgeous cloak and drew his sword to slay his e/iemy. He turned round, and the circle and stalls sat tight, while the gallery gripped the rail hard. " Oh, ma I" said the small boy in an interested tone; "oh, ma! look at the pretty man's bustle i" ♦ The gentleman who wrote to a morning journal suggesting Mr Walter Johnson as the best man for a certain holiday jaunt probably did not realise that he was giving the genial Walter right away. He , signed his letter " Ipse Dixit," which, being interpreted, means "He himself has said it." - Now did Walter really inspire that letter or was tbTe selection of a signature just a bit of bad luck? . — « They were professional men who had engaged in "lawful" strife, and said things. One was of ordinary appearance; the other of extraordinary appearance. Extraordinary in many ways, but principally for the vast extent of his equatorial bulge. Along ihe street rolled the man who is not an exaot counterpart of Adonis, or of Venus or Milo, or of anybody in particular, and the ordinary man awaiting the approach of the enemy scanned him from top to toe, and then unmasked the full battery of his scorn. " And they say God made man in his own image." » ■ Scherek' s orchestra deserves encouragement. Wherefore bring forth the festive piano and blow a melancholy blast: — From Ohoka's lonely mountains, Pfom Kaiapoi's gleaming' strand, From Leeston's dazzling minarets, "We'll sing of Soheorek's band. If they will only give us Another concert soon, "We'll forgive that sweet orchestra, If they play the " Blue-ooh Moon." Their concerts are eostatio, The critics nmst admit, At least thai is the verdict, From circle dorra to pit. If I could toot the banjo Or twang the antique lyre, Fd offer them my service, And hope that it would be accepted in the spirit in which the offer was made. (" The Week " is glad to inform the public that its poet has been humanely drugged again.)