FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 9273, 27 June 1908, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

"I must get you another chair for the kitchen, Katie; I see yon hat* only one!" "Shure t you needn't mind, ma'am. I have none but gintlenMfc callers!" '*-■■■ J Warder (to prisoner condemned *• death: "Your last hour has come; What is your last request?" Prisoner: "1 should like capital minkhment abolished." ■ ■ ■' off) : " Why didn't you put my In* gage mas I told you?" PorterT" En, man, yer luggage is no sic a silly as yersel'. Ye're 1' the wrang train!" i J\ I ™f, *•»»"* woently wrote to his landlord thus : "Yer Bonoox.— tfoping this finds you in good health, aslt leaves me at this present. y*m bttlldoti BUI has assassinated me poor odddS "You hear what the constable sayeP When the prisoner struck jou yon retakated." "Indade, 'tis i*hfc*l£r honor I I jist put me Astln wan of hi* ats-" 1 *- ** ■*■. <$ of about three tons insight) t 'Be a bit mor« careful up thenT^*ofcher 'alf a foot and •you'S Wto '«£ bought me a new 'at I" ; Little Cohen: "More vinegar, mother." Mrs Cohen: "You mustn't take so much vinegar, Mosey. Dot vas bad for your constitution." Mr Cohen* ' "Let him haf all' he vants, Leah. If you stunt his growth, he can rid* on der railway all his life at half-price." "But," protested Miss Jokeley "I assure you the stories I've been teUinfl you were original with me. I shouda?* think a gentleman would, doubt mr word." "Well," replied SrfKiS! I consider it more gentlemaufcrw doubt your word than to believe job old enough to have originated' thta* stories." > t -■""" : " Yes, he had some trouble with his fyes/' said the celebrated oculist. :..' Every time he started to read b* would read double." "Poor fellow!* remarked the sympathetic person. *t suppose that interfered with his hok£ ing a good position?" "Not at all. The gas company gobbled him up and gave him a lucrative job reading vm» meters." \ - T- ■-• Indian telegraphists have sometkoM to deal with amusing messages. An intelligent sepoy once went into aa office and handed in- a message to be 1 ; sent to a station in Centraf India. Having read it, the operator told him there was something wrong. ; "No*. ; sahib — no sahib j me knows English,'* replied the native soldier, haughtier. The operator forwarded, the message, which ran : — " Come quick. ■' Ftwr dangerously dead." .. From off the face of Mother EMk The portly cyclist rose, And tned to shake the worst of Urn Macadem oft Iris clothes: ' He stretched has limbs and seemed *•&■*•€ No fraoturee there to feeJ, {Then struggling anoe moor* to his fast He wobbled off a-wheel. "I tinnk the doctor's right," he mami, "Ifs fetching down my f«*; V And what "cares he for broken bone* So long as it does that? , He doesn't see, and cannot fwl, ..'■■•• The b.raises that Fto got, ' But still fee'« right. 'tor thsW» seinM I've fatten off a lot!" „ ' ; . At a^dinner given recently in. bonotif of a colonial visitor a young auaaw whose chief aim tty distinction seemed , to be \he height of his collar and an eyeglass, said* to a man near hin\ . " Beastly nuisance, isn't rtP Spoke to that fellah over there— 4ook him for a gentleman, and found Ire had a ribbon in his coat. The confounded head* ; ; waiter, I, suppose P" "Oh, no, 1 ' r#plied the other; "that is the guest of the evening." " Hang it all, is itt" said the other " Look here, old chap — would you mind sitting next to me at dinner and telling me who everyone; isP" " I would do so with pleasure, was the reply, " but, you see, I can't-** I'm the 'confounded head-waitet ' 1"