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Star (Christchurch), Issue 8452, 21 October 1905, Page 3

She: "Some people profit by mi»» takes of others." He: "Yes, like the minister who got a guinea for- marrying us!" Editor: "The. only way to succeed in the newspaper business is to give the people what they want." Friend: : " Have you got a sovereign you can let me have?" An architect remarked to a lady that be had been to see tie great nave in the new church. The lady replied, "Don't mention names — I know the man to whom you refer I" "I'ni sorry, but I can't pay your bill to-day." "It has been running a long time, sir." " All the more reason, then," was the bland reply, "that it should bo given a rest." Willie: " Ma, can. people leave patrt« of themselves in different places?" Ma: "No; don't be niddculous." Waiie: " Well, Mr Jiggs said L» was going to the Tyrol for his lungs." " What were those two women quarrelling about out on the verandahP? " Why, they were coming in together, and when they got to the door they both said, 'Age before beauty,' at th« same time." Molly: "Papa, I wish you'd close tho dcor of your room when gentlemen are calling on me. Your snores are something fierce." Dad: " Well, it won't hurt 'em." Molly : " Perhaps not; but they might think it's hereditary." Physician (looking into his ante-room where a number of patients are waiting) : " Who has been waiting the longest?" Tailor (who has called to pre< sent his bill): "I have, doctor. I delivered the clothes to you three years ago." Junior Partner: "I Bee you have engaged a new traveller. Is he a good salesman?" Senior Partner: "Good salesman ? Great Scott ! I had to send for the police to prevent him from talking me into taking him into partnership.'-" Cecil (sentimentally): "Don't you feel gloomy when the sky is overcast, with grey, when tie rhythmic rain sounds a dirge upon the roof, and the landscape's beauties are hid by iJfoe weeping mist?"' Hazel (sweetly) : " Yes ; it's dreadfully annoying. It does make one's Hair come out of curl so." . A father going into his stable one day found his little son, with a slate and pencil in his hand, astride one of the .horses. "Why, Harry!"- he exclaimed, "what are you doing?" "Writing a composition," was €he reply. " Well, why don't you write ii in the house?" asked the father. " Because," answered the little fellow, "the master told me to write a composition on a horse." How doth oxur busy Parliament Delight in barks und biting, In howls of mutual dissent, And aimless patty fighting. How cheerfully it -wastes our tim% And steins our ancient 'glories, "Wihilo Liberals,, with skill sublime, Set booby-traps for Tories. ' - "Tattler." A Welshman sued a fellow-country* uian some time since for a certain amount of money owing to him. Th< debtor repeatedly offered to work ofl the debt, but this offer did not seem at all to suit the taste of the creditor. At last the judge asked tihe plaintiff the reason for his unwillingness to accept the debtor's offer to "work off the debt." His reply was: "Well, you see, your Honor, the man's an.undertaker!" '. Mr Freshman: "I am told that th« wind blows quite strongly here at times." Prominent Citizen: "Well, yes; that is so. I've knowed it to blow for twelve days and nights on a stretch, an' hold a sheep up against the side of a barn 14ft from the ground all that time, and never once' let him fall. And another time it blew so hard that the crows in Farmer Taterorbp'a cornfield couldn't fly back to the rookery, but they had to walk home. And another time it blew so hard that when young Spoonamore was crossed in love and tried to kill himself by jumping over a precipice, the wind blew him back again every time. 1 assure you, stranger the wind can blow in these parts." '