THE CHEF.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8375, 22 July 1905, Page 2

THE CHEF.

(By EDGAR WALLACE, in the

"Daily Mail. 3 ')

"The thing about the Army, that's the most curious," eaid the informing Smithy, " is that you never know what a chap's been before he enlisted.

" You see a smart-lookin' chap, smart tunic, white belt, little boots, an' a nioe curl down over 'is for-'ead, an' you say to yourself, ' That cHap was a gentleman before 'c enlisted, I'll bet/ but th© chances are he was only a costermonger. " Similarly you see a chap untidy, a chap who don't like shavin', an' generally keeps hisself to hisself, an' you put 'im down as a cornet boy, when the chances are he's 'ad a good education, an' as likely as not 'c's been a chap like you — made 'is livia 1 by puttin' bits in the paper. " There's quite a lot oi respectable young fellers in the Army supposed to be single who dursen't go near a work'ous for fear 'arf a dozen little 'cads will pop over the wall an' start shoutin' ' Father !' an' visa versa.

"I don't trouble my J ed very much about what a chap's been, although I've often wondered what Nobby was before 'c enlisted.

" We 'ad a bit of an argument about it the other day when Nobby was out, an' Spud Murphy said he thought Nobby must 'aye been somethln' that gets money without work.

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"Til bet,' sez Spuds, 'if you look on Nobby's attestation paper you'll see 'im described as a "labourer," like all chaps are tHa-t don't like work.' "Dusty Miller thought Nobby must ■'aye been a railway porter, because 'c never gets pally with a chap unless 'c's got eoms money. "At any rate," said Smithy, with a faint grin, "the question was, in?: a manner of speaking settled, for a f«w days after Nobby was sent for to the orderly-room an' paraded before the Ad j utant. " ' I see/ egz the Adjutant, who was looking ov-st Nobby's papers, ' that you describe yourself as a " cook " — is that right?' "Yes, sir,' sez Nobby, without battin' an eye. " 'What sort of a ccok are you?' cays the Adjutant, lookin' 'a'rd at Nobby. "'Very good, sir,' eez Nobby modestly. "'Well/ scz the Adjutant, 'w^'r© try in' a n«w system of messin', so you can report yourself to the master cook for dutv — you're "B " Company's ,-ook.' " There was tremendous excitement in ' 33 ' when it got out that Nobby was tli© new cook. Spud Murphy went up an' saw th® Adjutant, an' acked to be transferred to another company. "' I don't want to say anything about Private Ctewk, sir/ ; e sez, ' but I'm a very delikit ©ater, an' Clark an' me ain't good friends/ " All the chaps got round Nobby in the barrack room, an' started firm' questions at him. " ' What are you going to make us, Nobby?' they sez. " < Wait an' see/ sez Nobby, cautious. " ' Aro you a French cook, Nobby?' sez Weary Thompson. "'A bit French/ sez Nobby, 'an' a bit Spanishr I'm what you call a chef.' " '"What's that, Nobby?' " ' That's tdie bit of French I was tellin' you about/ sez 'c"Nobby went into the town an' bought a cookery book that tells you 'ow to take stains out of silk dresses an' 'ow to clean old pictures, ■in' started etudyin' this for all 'c. was worth. " Nobby took ov«-r the duty on Monday, and after havin' a few words with j the master cook about some kit the sergeant missed as soon as Nobby come j on duty, he sort of calmed him by tellin' hini about a few French dishes ed learnt about. " ' We'll 'aye some " Poulett de Anckester" to-day/ sez Nobby. " ' What's that?' sea the master cook—Sergeant Brown, the fat sergeant, you know. , " c Roast chicken an' caper sauce, sez Nobby, proudly. " ' Don't be a fool, Clark/ sez the sergeant, nastily. 'We 'averi t got any chicken, you know that/ " ' Then we'll have pot pourri, sez Nobby very quick. "'What's that?' sez tie sergeant, bewildered. " ' Anything we got/ sez Nobby. _ "Everybody was talkin' about the dinner, an' we was all wondenn' what we'd got in the way of food. " Spud Murphy got his name took on the ten o'clock" parade for speakm in the ranks. "'This afternoon/ 'c sez, very gloomy, ' the pioneers '11 be wheehn a •barrer 'o and the square, ringin' a bell an' sbotiting' " Bring out your dead," the same as it wa*s at the great fire or London.' " When the cook-house bugte went there wasn't a man of 'B left in the canteen — they was all sittin' tight in the barrack-room waitin' for the orderly man to bring in the dinner. "It come up all J ot and steamm'. " There was~potatoes an' cabbage an' a curious lookin' lot of meat an' stuff. Spiid Murphy looks over it, sniffs, an' sez: . '■ ,•■ ■ '" Til have some potato and cabbage/ . "As a matt&r of fact/ > explained Smithy, "the dinner was very nice indeed, an' Spud began to feel small when we told 'im how we was enjoyin' it. " When we'd nearly finished it. there was a bit of a commotion outside, an' in rushes a chap from 'C Company. He dashes up to the table an' takes a y

long look at the tin the dinner come up in, an" then shouts : " ' 'Ere! you bloomin' thieves, you're got our dinner, an' we've got yours. " 'Well.' sea the corporal, very kmdly 3 ' you're welcome to it.' "'Ho. are wet' sez the 'O 5 man, shakin' 'his 'ed fiercely. 'Well, just come an' 'aye a look at the stuff we ye got' '•'So we all finished up our dinner quick, with the 'C chap lookin' on with tears in his eyes, an' walks over to 'C Company room. The dinner was steamin' on the table, an' everybody was standin' a long way off lookin' wild an J hungry. " 'What's up?' sez our corporal. " ' That,' sez the corporal of the otner room, very agitated, ' that's what's up,' sez 'c, pointin' to the dinner. "We all looked at it; it looked al 1 right. We smelt it; it smelt aL right.' " ' Taste it,' sez the other corporal. " Our corporal 'esitated a bit, then sampled tho gravy- " Just then the orderly officer arrived to ask if there was any complaints. S E was just goizz' to ask wh«n '© saw our corporal. " ' What's the matter with Corporal White?' 'c sez; 'is '« took ill?'

" ' No sir,' sez tho other corporal, an' then explains about the dinner, whilst xae and another chap assisted our corporal into the fresh air. " When we got back the officer was talkin' . " ' Send for Private Clark/ he sez. So they did, an' in a minute in walks Nobby lookin' very pleased with hisself one of our chaps nad told him what a success our dinner was, an' ho thought the orderly officer had sent for 'im to show the 'C ' cook 'ow to make a dinner.

officer.

'•' I will say," said Smithy, enthusiastically, "old Nobby looked every inch a shef! White coat, white 'at, an' very nearly white apron. " ' Clark,' sez the orderly sternly. ' did you prepare this?' " Nobby was surprised to see B's' dinner in ' Os room, but 'c looked at it, an' sez, ' Yes.' " ' What do you call it?' sez the offi-

" ' Pot rjurri,' sea Nobby, boldly. " ' Why" pot pourri?' sez the officer. " Nobby thought a bit. , " 'Because it's poured out -of a pot,' 'c sez. " The officer looks very 'ard at Nob-

by. " 'What's this?' 'c sez, stirrin' a curious lookin' thing round with 'is cane. "Nobby looks at it an' gasps, an' just then the master cook, who'd been sent for;, come in. "'Sergeant!' Nobby sez, quite excited, 'look at this!' " The sergeant looked, an' he gasped,

" ' P'raps/ eez , Nobby, sternly. ' you'll apologise now for accusin' me or stealin' your'blackin' brush.'