FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8333, 3 June 1905, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

Money is one of the best thing)»; v 3 going, but it is still better coining. >; p Truth is occasionally, though not fn*(---'3 quently, stranger than war rumour*. -3 Employer: "Do you lore children?" V ; Bridget : "It all depends on the wage*, ';';. mum !" ' ' ■'■ ',*_ Molly: "Have you seen Mabel's engagement ring?" Dolly: "Seen it ft Why, I wore it all last summer." . v Mabel: "Where does Madge get her goor looks from, her father or her mo* ther?" Edythe: "From her father* He is a chemist." . • "Mamma," said four-year-old Harry, ; as his mother was giving ham his bath, " be sure and wipe me quite dry, «>'• I won't get rusty." "So the engagement is broken? Diet she give him back the ring?" "I judge so. Hey bought a new suit, and redeemed his watch." Young Man from the Country:"! say, is this the way to "the cemetery?'*' '■ City Boy: "Yes, you just keep standing on them electric car rails, and you'll be there soon enough." Customer : " The man who killed thi» chickon had a soft heart." Waiter: "Why so?" Customer: "He must have spent three or four years hesitating before ho wrung its neck." Board School Teacher, at the end of i an object lesson on the " Cat," : "Now, how is it that pussy : can see in thi •dark?" Bright Child : " Please, air, because they feed her on lightß." " Pray, Mr Professor, what is a periphrasis?" ."Madam, it is simply a! circumlocutory and pleonastic cycle or oratorical sonorosity circumscribing aA atom of ideality, lost in verbal pro* fundity." "Oh, you needn't talk,?' said the in* dignant wife. "What would you bar '- to-day if it were not for my money?, Answer that, will you?" "That's an easy one," replied the heartless wretch* "I'd be a bachelor." Elderly Miss: "This toilet soap I bought from you has made my face all spotty, and your master told me in '■■.■ would not harm the. most beautiful complexion in the world." Youthful ;" Shopman : " Y.us, mum; but yourn ain't the most beautiful complexion in thai * : j world, not by a long chalk !" I In answer to an advertisement for somebody to take charge of a church! choir and play the organ the following reply was received :—" Sir, — I- noticed your advertisement for an organist and music teacher either lady or gentle- * . man. Having been both for several * years, I offer- you my services." ' ' A Scottish singer named Wilson, wh<* was being trained for professional work, ' sang a love song with exquisite quality of voice, but with insufficient passion and expression. His teacher told him ; he must put more feeling into it, and sing as if he were really in love. " Eh, A man," he replied, "hoocan I do that / and m© a marriet man?" Farmer (to sailorman 1 * asking for a ; job): "Been working any wliere sine* you loft your ship?" Sailor: "Yes." 1 Farmer: "What sort of work?" Sailor: "Well, I dunno exactly. It was on some sort of a maohine. They put all the wheat down her main hatoh, an« the straw came right out over her ;bows ', an' there was two bags hooked on to her stern to catch the other stuff." . Not long ago the King happened tol be visiting at a country house near the scene of one of Cromwell's historic bat^ , ties. Strolling out one day by himself f he met the village blacksmith return* ;. ing from a shoeing expedition. "J say, my good fellow," said his Majesty, genially, "I understand there wa« a big battle fought somewhere about here!" "Well— er," stammered th« blacksmith, recognising and saluting the King, " I did 'aye a round or two with Bill, the potman, but I didn'H know your Majesty had heard of it." A man, whose wife'had gone away td • y live with her mother, was met by at vfriend, who, in apparent sympathy, accosted him thus :— " Man, Jamie ! this is an awful thing that has befallen you. ' It's a great pity that your wife has gone and left you." "'Deed, man!" quoth Jamie, "she'll dae waur than that yet." "What waur can she do' than that?" anxiously inquired his friend. " She'll come back again," replied Jamie, ruefully. . '