FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7701, 9 May 1903, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

" Edward did you pick all tho white meat off this chick,en?" " Well, father, to make a clean breast of it, I did."

Married men are generally preferred as workmen. They are more docile ; they know what it is to be governed.

"Half the world doesn't know bow the other half lives." " You over-estimate the number of people who mind their own business."

Customer : "My husband says that- gown you'made me is a fright." Dressmaker: "What of it? You didn't buy it to please him, I hope."

Elderly Spinster : " I think there should be a tax on the ' single state,' don'fc you, Colonel?" Ungallant Bachelor: "Yes, an on all other luxuries."

In a (Montana hotel there is a notice which reads: — "Boarders taken by the day, week or mouth. Those who do not pay promptly will be taken by the neck." Mistress : * " So ye want me to read thia love-letter to you?" Maid : "If yoi} plaze, mam. And I've brought- ye some cottonwoo) ye can stuff in yer ears while ye rad* iti" * .

Visitor : " Well, Johnny, I suppose tout father, thinks the twins are something wonderful?" Johnny: "Yes; but," in m confideritial whisper, "I could lick 'em both, easy." • ' . ■ •

" Dear father, we are all well and happy. The baby has grown ever so much, and has a great deal more sense than he used to have. Hoping the same of you I remain your daughter, Mollie."

A train travelling on a small branch rail* way in the Highlands suddenly came to at standstill. One of the paseengers'poked bis head out of the window to ascertain the. cause, and just caught the guard as he passed under the window on bis way to the engine. "Why are wo stopping? he inquired. "Hoot, mon, ye maun just bide a wee ; the watter's gane aff tha boiL" "Well, Pat, did you fight that duel with! Simpson that you threatened?" "Oi did not, sorr," replied Patrick. "You weren't afraid, were you ?" "Oi wuz not, sorr ; but, ye see, Oi am a portly mon an' Simpson is thin." Oi thought it would only, be fair fer me fc' shfcand nearer t* him than him t' me whoile we wuz shooting sorr; but the umpires wouldn't listen to it, an' so there wuz no duel."

When Miss Lucy wanted particularly fin* chickens she always drove over to see old Aunt Etta, who had a scrap of a farm, and made a specialty of raising chickens for tho quality folks. One day, as the lady stopped in front of the cabin £ Aunt Etta» came out and hung over the gate. " Chickens !" she exclaimed in answer to her customer's request— -" chickens ! Why, law, Miss Lucy, don't you all know there's been a camp meetin' and preachers' conference down here. Why, 1 ain't got one chick .left. They've all entered the ministry."

The Maya people of Yucatan are peculiar in mating a habit of using their toes justi as much as their hands. An American who visited that country lately fcells of seeing a pig break into a bouse — after the maamkr of our friend "the gintlepun that pays the rint " in Ireland — and. tbe vain efforts of "a woman to drive piggy out, until at length,, getting a chan co as the animal ran past tho door, she seized him .by the tail with tb© great and second toe of her right- foot, andi " with a graceful swing, landed the pig some yards beyond the threshold." 'A London evening paiper recently had the following : — An Englishman who was recently "doing" the colonies met a New Zealand farmer who was under the impression that Queen Victoria was still reigning. The Englishman informed him that the Queen had been dead' for more than a year. "Dead," exclaimed the countryman, *' and who then rules in England?" When ,it was explained to bim that the Prince of Wales had succeeded tc the throne he seemed greatly surprised. " Good gracious," he said, "he must have had great influence with Dick Seddon."