THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7667, 28 March 1903, Page 4

THE WEEK.

+ Oh that awful printer-man! His latest wickedness took place in printing a big placard, stuck up in a southern Stipendiary ■Magistrate's Court. gave the public to understand that " Scamps are obtainable in the Bailiff's office"—- only a "c" for a "t." ♦— " Good Heavens !" said Mrs Malaprop, " only think of the Discovery imbedded in the flue under distinct volcanoes like Terrebus and Error, just where that poor man was carried off by-a lizard! Whoever sent) them oughb to get a dose of Antarctic emetic, like those condensed meats, or else three months without prohibition. Can't we send them some nice puddings by the Maccaroni system^" '. - — i — ■» / ■ It is not often that the officers of hia Majesty's Navy are afraid to face the. music. But out of between thirty and forty invited to the Citizens' Ball some seventeen turned tip, and of 'these a proportion were non-dancers. Oil, well, we must take it as> a compliment to the dangerous fascinations: of Canterbury belles. These sons of the sea evidently are not taking any exfra risk. ♦ John Bull lias, got leave to spend another trifle of thirty-four or five millions on { his fleet, to keep him. well up to the twoPower standard, wiich naturally annoys Germany, and gives the world the- spectacle | of the Kaiser aboard" a .Yankee yacht, abusing all things English, at the very time he has whsedled Balfour into aiding him* to bluff America ! No wonder that Old Nick, w/hen asked to produce the Champion Liar, sung out to his head-stoker to let loose the latest diplomatist. , ♦ ■ The excuse put forward by. the Christchurch Cycling Club in answer to the deputation regarding Good Friday eports amounts to this : "If we don't, someone else will." But there is a simple enoughway out of the difficulty. Let the club give up their contract- with the Lancaster 1 Park Company on the agreement that the ground be not let for that day. On the other hand, let the anti-sports people put their hands in their pockets for actual losses at present j incurred by either — not for possible profits. Surely the Lancaster Park shareholders would consent to this. ■• ■-+ . | Well may all interested in Christ's College cricket feel grateful to Bannerman and to those who brought- him .across from Aus- 1 tralia. A better object lesson in the value of good coaching could not be desired. In one season the College boys have improved "wonderfully in every department, more especially fielding. They have beaten ' with ease the- Dunedin and Christchurch High Schools, and won the President's Cup. More than that, their juniors have learnt things which in time niay develop still greater results. Says "Pakelm": — A clean-shaved spread of sunny grass, T!he' ou i-side waiting to begin, i The keen-eyed schoolboys grouped en masse, Two-sixty-eiglit to get to -win. The first iwo pi-ay with ease the tails With cool defence and skilful smite, "Until when tee first wicket falls One-forty Jiaa com© into sight. At intervals/three more go- out, Bub every uiaa plays -well his part, And -each 'hit brings a joyful sfliout From m'any an enger youngster's ij*ari. A rattling stand, a rising score, j A hit that sends two-sixty up; A (wo — a three — a -ripping *rar," i And so t'he Oid-Sohool wins the Cup. ■■ -r*~ — '■ — | Here's another knock to the fine old . Sunday School theory that only cowards | commit suicide. Hector Macdonald ought to have been killed in. South Africa, and then he would have lived for ever on England's scroll of fame. As it is— Don't let us condemn- him until some charge is proved, [ and even then let us remember him only as the dauntless soldier who would probably have been. the. only man in the .English service to have risen from the ranks to hold a field-marshal's baton. The incident is unutterably sad. ' — ♦ . . ' '. ■ i ' ... The licensing election was taken by at least one publican ' to mean a reversal of the. November verdict. To the mind of this easily-satisfied man, a new era, opened — a millenium of general go-as-you-please. It is men like this that the other publicans should turn and rend. They are the real cause of what Mr Beetham describes as "the handwriting on the wall." By-tho-by, that ancient and mysterious specimen of caligraphy has done duty for a good many similes in its time. We wonder it hasn't struck before this. • * *•- \ y Jack has once more gone down to the sW in ships, and is cither tasting other hospitality, or Tocked in the cradle of the deep. He seems to be losing some of his old-time characteristics. Possibly the frequency of his jaunts ashore are making him a sadder and a. wiser Jack. True, he sometimes makes feeble attempts' to play the antics proper to the old-fashioned, longcruise shellback just paid off. Some of him, under the influence of too much injudicious admiration, get rather too blankily funny. Others of him, board the bounding bicycle, which in their hands carries a" I weather-helm. But, on the whole, he take's his pleasure' much more quietly than of i yore— and is more ai home at tea-meetings /and temperance lectures than in bar-rooms. Jjfet- us hope they will not educate and im- ! prove all the grit out of him — but we hardly think so. . " He keeps to himself, docs the- Handy Man, When ihe clouds ore packed for a squall; But he comes with 1m gun from the ends of ■ ; the earth When the bugles, give him a call. And the children safe in: taeifc- cots may sleep, And the trader may plot and plan, Whilst under the stars on the rolling deep Stands the Vigilant Handy Man. * ■'" ■; ' • # ■ 'Dr Yoshitakal. Ando, the Japanese Commissioner of Commerce, Communication, Colonisation, etc^ now- in Auckland, is, we are afraid, a man of concealed sarcasm. Said (he to a "Herald " reporter a few days ago : " England is the Mother Country— the United States her grown-up son — Australia and New Zealand her children — and Franco and Germany her friends." What ; a happy family.' He further enlightened •the newspaper man regarding a Japanese legend of how once on a time his countrymen erected a gladder to Heaven aid went up freely until the ladder' was- blown d"own. NOW. we understand why, Wellington I people don't get there. Too windy for lad- ! ders. But when the practical copy-hunter j tried to pin him to a promise of s makingi Auckland 1 a port- of call in the event of the' Japan-Australia boats, coming to New Zealand,, the leery brown diplomatist talked' round the subject, ending up with^

"You see, I have not been here before." We should be inclined to think he had. * Strange 'ihat such difference should bo 'Ttvixt Tweedledum and Tvvecdledee." One part of our liquor Act says : — "If the Returning-Officer finds that none of the proposals respecting licence is carried by. the prescribed majority then he shall notify the Licensing Committee thereof, and the number of licenses shall continue as they are untiL the taking of the new licensing poll, etc." Another section says: — "No license of any description shall be granted or renewed until the electors have previously determined — (1) Whether the number of licences in th* the district is to continue • (2) whether the number of licenses existing in the district is to be reduced, or (3) "whether no licenses snail be granted in the district." In> view of the fact that in certain districts the poll of last November has been declared void (from which there is no appeal), -which of these contradictory enactments is to abolish the other? It is not true that the New Zealand Bar contemplates erecting a statue (not a statute, Mr Printer) to the * draughtsman of the- Act, or the act of the draughtsman.