THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7637, 21 February 1903, Page 4

THE WEEK.

It would appear frcJth. tha following 1 report (received per "StatV 1 special Marcottigram Sfervice) from Berlin, thab Christchurcb will before long have yet another distinguished visitor i — IMPERIAL PALACE AT BfiHLIN. (Curtain discloses *h> Emperor William and Count Voa BUlott.) Kaiser: Pottz tausend! Pa«s the lage?! Come — look ftribiippjrt Great Cossar's ghost, I tell 1 you I feel chippy! I'te played fill paxtfl, from god to one-horse T Spieler, To ifiiin. aiiy ends inßide Venezuela. . AntTnoW, By Jove! jtasb when I thought to win. I find I've gone .and 'tumbled, right bang in I Instead of pretbxfc for my grab— vdxd/tionl The thing has fizzled into Arbitration; And though I lugged in Bull— exceeding lo&th^The Yanks htye gon-e <to Wihd'ara of lift hothl Of the whole business I am deadly sick. By-the-bye, 8., Slernberg must get the kick. The silly chump— remember, la the door With him ; Herbert and Botten simply niopped the &o6i with him. A change of air is just the thing for me ; I'll tour the English colonies, von Ba, I'll show up German goods, fcoom irado and Flag, man. Von B.: Ye*, Site— (aflide)--ft sort of bounding: Bill the Bagman. Kaiser: I'd like to e«e those Austral lands Whence, led on, Marchetl the taw -warriors under King Diokseddon; . ' In whose free ranks each Uriah toad—Dormerwetter! j Good as another, and a d— d sight better. Von B.: Well, go to Christchurch. ; Kaiser: ' * "Wilefe is that, my boy? ! Von B. i A suburb, Sire, of Greater K&iapoil Kaiser : v Of course, my visit will be quite incog. Von B. (aside): He'd better go before they stop (his grog. * Kaiser: ', If my identity _ one mortal guesses, I shall be slain by slobbering addresses, And all the local wbuld-be-someone crew Will tumble round me, as -they always do. I shall find lots to do when I im there ; I'll give " express " addressed in ■the Square, And then (despite the difference in creed or all) I shall, of course, hold forth in' 4he Cathedral, Or against England, with my mailed fist, BoxeMll to keep the -wickets Tit assist. Then, though in ftn|er I ne'er drew a dagger, I'll do the usual "thing in warlike swagger. At gory church parades I feel no fears. Von B. (aßide) : He ought "to lead the local Volunteers. (To fa« continued.) . 4, — . — , A curious point -with regard to steamer lioenses was decided lost) week in th& Wanganui Magistrate's Court. A steamer called the Mflttttwal left town for an all-day excursion. About twenty miles up the river 5 ah« was moored to a tree, and all the excursionists disembarked except four, to Whom drinks were Supplied. The captain' was charged with a breach of that section) of the Licensing Aot which prohibits a master Mm selling at other times than " during a passage." Counsel for the captain oonberaded that the boat Was still on her passage when tied up to the tree^ because it was an all-day trip, and she had. hob been advertised to go anywhere. After 1 taking some diays to consider, the Magistrate upheld 'this view, holding that the excursion was all one passage, and no illegal sale took place. This will- (unless the Act is amended) mightily simplify matters in future. All that a boat has to do is to advertise An ftll'day (or all*night) excursion, and, having got under weigh, bring up in. some convenient spoi and blaze away. \ ' ♦ ■- Once more there is a big flutter in Civil Service dovecotes. Ottce mote Dick is talking of compulsory retirement at 60 and 65. In all probability the scheme will fizzle out as it did. before (after claiming two or three victims), in consequence of striking enags in. the shape of Tits Barnacles who can pull th» strings. In the meantime the age of a Oivil Servant is ai more* delicate matter than that of a blushing damsel who haft had a long spell ot single blessedness. . . >»" ' "'" Nothing oould possibly bd better calculated to loosen the embryo bonds of Imperial Federation than the periodical au£bui'sts of Some- bitterness on the subject of colonial borrowing. For instance t the offadr of the Sydney hatters ha* b/ought en Australia's devoted head what is intended for a scathing criticism, by nna-iieinl-gottrnallst Wilson. We Ml told thflt colonial labour has been cockered up on English capital. This is a falsehood. jJ.ub, supposing it were true, what right ha» anf lender to gt'timble as to hdw hi* borrower spends the lbiin? His look-OUt }H simple enough. Hag lie Security or not? fcufc is it likely that London Would lend for purely patriotic purposes 01? without ample cover? Not much. . — -- ■-♦ ■•■ •- . Oh, Afelbal Queen bf Heavenly Song, In spite of alt ydxxt WdndrbtiS fame, Excuse ine— though I may bo wrong— I'm Very sorry that you earner iiv heighDouf's flatighter shrieks and howls, And bangs the feeyg with fist and " dber," Emitting fearful catlike yowls, Cahvinoed she is a coming " Melber." Melba has eome, and been iheard, but she has by no means conquered. The Jk€ynote of coinment is disappointment. All agree in. acknowledging her. beautiful voice, and her wonderful training — and her diamonds. Perhaps it is unreasonable td eJfcpect too much "aoul" in addition, for the Bame money. "BjM£e4>ye, the management is not t6 be congratulated on lowering p«ees at the kst. It was a Bpecle* of grab, unworthy of the ocda*ion t and a breach of faith with the public. There are many melancholy Bights in connection with our infer!or< lOoiirtS of justice. One of the most melancholy is that df ah average policeman "conducting" a case before oUl? Great iJnpaid. If there foe a lawyer on the other sidfej or if (a« is generklly t/h© case) the Clerk of the Court is the real mainspring of Justice, very little harm ie done, but in seine caefed, More especially in country CoUtts, the blilid godd€fifc. makes awful grimaces behind 'her bandages. .Your "edfltated indeed &t tiniOs a sight to <hiakc ahgeld Weep. Instead cf proving hia case according to law Jhe attempts to make the law fit his case, He assumes a bumptuous demeanour, and apes a legal knowledge. (His idea is that every 1 ipersOtt it guilty Until proved innoofefit. Luflkity his Bpefe of action is ekdeedingly limited. • ■-■; ■•■ »- ; > ' — We congratulate Mr I'owke on his exceftent selection of the New Zealand team for the first Tfifet Match. Thete will probably be Weeping and gnashing ftf teeth to »orth and south oveu the inelusion of «ix Canterbury men, but w© must endtaf ottf to put up with that. The team is wanted to beat England, if possible, not to illustrate the colony's geography

So tr© are to have th& War Commission evidence wired! out to,tis in. assorted specimens. Well, ib is certainly interesting to know what White's views are. ami were. Btiller's (statements are, of course, only a damnable iteration of feeble excuses for ihis failures. For instance " Spionkop gave tlio men a knowledge of war and confidence in themselves." No 1 doubt ib did ! but it must have utterly destroyed their confidence in their leaders. Then, again, his latest atte'tnpt to -whitewash the disgraceful heliogram after Colenso, is to suggest that he meant White to cut his way out and " join 'hands." If this bo true, it makes the case blacker than ever. If it was, in, his opinion, possible for a starved and ! sickened garrison) of, say, 600C »' to cut its way oufc, what ought to have prevented 20,000 fresh men, wit/h full equipment, from cutting their way in? Buller has tallied himself out of employment. Ho has talked his reputation to shreds. He might yet talk himself into a world's laughing-stock. — ♦ ■. — 1116 opening of the Imperial Parliament was marked by "splendid pageantry." Possibly this was intended to make- up for the rather insipid' utterances pufa into the Royal mouth. Or perhaps a little extra gilt -W&s'iprovided for the pill, on the Roman principle of "panem et circenses," to 'keep the British tas-payer from grumbling at the war imposts, now pressing more heavily than ever. Sir H. Campbell Bann«rman's criticisms would appear to have been peculiarly feeble. But, unless a war is pending, or in progress, English politics are much more drowsy than our colonial, fireworks.