THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7422, 7 June 1902, Page 4

THE WEEK.

4_ ; — When the Australian® "left" for 36 in the Test Match we thought they had sounded 'bottom. Alas! against Yorkshire tJieir second innjn^ 23, including six ovarial deposits. Maclaren will -be about as Tt;ell pleased at the triumph' of Hiirst, (Rhodes and Jackson as t^impbeliBannerman is at the news that Ohamperlain has "come off" at 'last. j ' • -ft., ■.- ; - . An American 'syndicate intends to : "operate" iwith/ iDe Wet, De la Rey and Botha. The three celebrated leaders will be "run" at the Coronation. In the present intensely "limelight" teanjper. of John Bull, he will simply rise at his ilate foes. His King will decorate them, ihis aristocracy j will cuddle them, his populace will grovel to them. Punching Johnny., in the eye is far better biz than Cape loyalty. -. ♦ ;;.: — ' \ All honour to the Oanterbuiry 'Rugby Union for taking a firon stand with offending players. But the player is 'but a drop in the bucket cbmpared to the spectator. A ring of gentle-manneKd individuals commonly surrounds our Junior football matches ready on the slightest provocation to emit their disgusting lamguage. It is the duty of the police alfthorities to station plain-clotjhes constables in the *Park on Saturday's until this festering sore is healed with a hot iron. ♦ •Let Britain shake (hands iheartify with the ibrave men who ihave so long held her at bay. But don't let peace induce a state of maudlin good nature. Tvith mapkind in general. There is, no occasion to fall on the necks of the various foreign schemers and liars vrho, under, the mask of friendliness, did all they cpuld to cripple iEngland. 'But ten times worse than these were the despicable British sneaks who for the I sake of party advantage, or, in aoi'any cases, i for direct personal gain, iplayed throughout into the hands of our enemies.

Well done, the Traimyavs Conference. It concluded in a most business-like manner. Ka-nui-pai, your Jtfo^hip ! -Now, Mr Collins, bring along your little Bill, and let's get that Board cut and dried. And (have it a; little less wooden than most .Boards, please.

•We are glad that the police are thoroughly prepared to do their duty, no matter «it Tvhait personal risk. We feel t^at we shall be protected from the most sanguinary ruffians. This week the gallant fellows fearlessly arrested a newspaper runner who was having his badge washed.

« ■. — There's a yelling in 4he Marketi There's a banging in the'Sqtaare; The fireballs, ram and jangle, The city sirens blare; \ Two dozen, dogs start gronyling, , The youngenteia make oait-cifls, Tie- neighbour's cur is yqxvling, 'the riextrdoor baby sgu'glls; Two thousand cenoy ' whistles Shriek on »rta"^ll NG-P cease; And THIS, my •Christian 'ewers. Is PEACE! ' I

♦- — : — - So poor K. of K. has -to, put up with a Viscounty and fifty ifchousand, instead of an Earldom and a hundred! That's because he is a giddy young bachelor ! (Neveß imind, K. Let '«m T^ait till you get hold of that 'War Office broom. Your freedom from petticoats will pay then. — » _ —

The Maharajah of Jaipur, who has just turnedytfp in London with his suite to attgnd the Coronation, has knocked' out a splendidly original theological' wrinMe. (His simple .plan is to cart his god around with him in a casket ! Lovely idea ! 'No doubt this deity looks with a -lenient eye on, his Royal HJghness's little peccadilloes, and attends promptly to his prayers, because if he didn't, he would 'be promptly dumped overboard, casket and all. „ y < Dispenser of -New Zealand Justice to intending criminals : " Roll up, ladies and gents, roll up ! We are Showing a large and varied assortment of offences ait punishments to suit all "tastes.. We can recommend our special 'lines of probation for horse stealing, sheep stealing anduforgery. Large embezzlements on the same terms ! Then there's the chances of the Grand Jury chucking the 'Bill out ! Or we can do you a job lot of iwife-smasMnj^ or devilish cruelty to animals afc an average price of two-and-sis. Very filling 3* the price ! What do you say, my little dear? Sleeping out? Oh, that's a bit expensive— «ay, three months 1 •Can'-t recommend cycling oa footpaths — costs about a pound a time— l but, look here, we cam. put you in blasphemy «nd filthy larrikinism of all descriptions <if tadded by J.P.s) at » " severe warning " or <& couple of "bob " I