THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7238, 26 October 1901, Page 4

THE WEEK.

Why has the Mayor of Lyttelion found it necessary to ask the Premier to ask the Admiral to ask tlio Captains-, etc., in order to get men-of-war in Lyitelton during the Discovery's visit? Surely one war ship would be- sufficient to overawe our visitors. 0 Splendid vessels, our " destroyers'' ! In time of peace — just to keep their hard-ls in — they " destroy " themselves. Only three lost this week. ♦ Some of our leading drapery iirms have 'this week sent out beautifully got-up cir- ! culars. The faces and forms therein depicteded are most artistic. Doubtless, we shall sec the same hats and dresses in November, but "will the wearers be "to match." Canterbury girls! 'Us not. enough To kindle much-prized admiration 1 . That you shculd wear expensive' stuff, Though frocked in quite the last '" creation." You'd rather far, our instinct tells, * By visitors or local swain.?, ! Bo called our Car.'feilniry Belles I Th&n known as Canterbury Plains. Becsv.ac our cily is so fiat, And broad each straight right-ang'cd street, There is no argument from that, That flat and broad should be your feet. Take this advice, without a pout, j And as through life you gaily toddle, | Don't aefc your " trilbies ' slop about: Do try to WALK and not to WADDLE. General BuHer is ivofc the first man who Ik\s Tuiiv&d his cavcir by after-dinner eloquence. Probably he won't be the last. ! Quam deus vult, etc. But hud t'tac now celebrated' " advice " been less utterly distasteful to the great British Public, ib is probable that its disclosure would only have entaiiltd a reprimand. .. + . November week is -approaching, when current coin will be a necessity. There will be a decided " appreciation, of gold and silver." "We must keep £ s. dl. For out Carnival spree; • "We'll went it far totes and for g>atcs, So the butcher, the baker, Th« coat and dressmaker Musb each become real " Christmas waits." + Tlic Yankees (bike all professors of the equality of man), have on the one hand a servile hankering after anything in the shape of a "lord," and on the other .vi [utter contempt for their "cullud brudder." I Therefore, the White President in invibing [ tho Black President to the White House, may get into the Black books of the Yel- ! low Press. + Christchurch has been wearing a cleri- ! cal appearance during" the week.' Parsons high and parsons low, Parsons fast and parsons -slow, Parsons d«rk end pa*sons -light, Parsons dull and' parsons bright, Paraoha short <and parsons tail, Parsons big «aid paison* small, Parsons young and parsons old, Parson* warm and p'arso&s cold, | Parsons tender, parsons tough — Thank {he "Lord, we've ia<J enoagi. Tire anxiety felt at the -time of the PertJishir« and Wa-ik'ato mishaps occasioned the suggest-ton of making twin screws compulsory in. all sea-going steamers. Tine Monowai breakdown may possibly bring the reform about. Another thing that the man in the street wants to know is why the numerous unemployed^ men-of-war, both here srod in Australia, are not at once utilised on these occasions? « Another grass or so of swords have been presented 1 to Badien-Powell. Says the muchly-presented 8.P. : "What's Ibhe good of all this cutieree? If I turn 'em <o ' shares ' The Bulls and the Bears "Will scon pick the bor.es of poor me!" . + ■ . Scientists agree that the (toagnetic) South Pole is moving north ! South Pole (loquitur): Whene'er I take my walks abroad, Due north I Hko to roam (When the Discovery arrives I shall not ba " at home '"). I think I'll look £7ew Zealand up, Like all globe-trotting swells; I hear they'va got "cool chambers" now la most of the hotels. I'll dk> the Christeliureh Racing Week, Although I am afraid They'll, nnfl my " form " is just as cold As charitable add. A zero hero I shall shine ' (They love a new sensation). If I "freeze on" to what ainM; mine, I'i'l got a- (n)Ico Probation. * This week saw the ninety-sixth nnnivfrsaiy of Trafalgar. Ib is now generally conceded! that this battle crippled Xapcleon in a greater degree, and at a more rrJomentous epoch, than Waterloo. Throve were the days of stern life-and-death grapples. No cables or hysterical press-«br. : <eker« cast a fictitioug limelight round insignificant -skirmishes, either by land cr sea. (It wai? a nrowbh before the news of Trafalgar arrived at "the Admiralty.) Generals, like A<kn.£rafe, w;eire personally foremost in danger. We have changed all that. V\ ♦ The breakdown of tdie Monowai hais a ; warniing Dor labour agitators. The moral of ibis vessel's losses Is against "striking off one's bosses." You stop your progress if you do, Losing the run- of all your screw. * Really these steamer breakdowns are nvi.-l unfair to warning-dream mongers ! For ;sn - stance, the supposed loss of tbe- Mimowiu was predicted, by abc-ut hnlf a dozfn well authenticated dreams (whitih., naturally, were not mentioned until she had been scone i days overdue). Ths.se dreams took the Vkuid fine old assortics'iib of fchnpe-s. from a skull-and-crof-s bonrs to a vision of the Musgrove Company and M'Adoc's Minstrels drawing big houses umn,n.g tire Mermen wn-d Mermaids, under the dkitin^uish.ed patronage cf Davy Jones, K,.<j. And then to be disappointed after all ! Deaf clergyman at garden party (referring to coming bszaar) : '' We ought to find the Mirsicn. ?-hl]i." Lady hearer (also deaf) : "Find the missing ship? Xn, itV a- cif-e of breakdown, or perhaps a thpmjiuj loss."' He: "Breakdown? Dreadful l.^s? There will be provisions-." She : " Provision.- — or.'y grain and potatoes ! And then those pr or drep?«d-up theatrical hr!i?s." H-e (Ut him?Jif) : '' And I thought she was a st.ill-hclder '." Tableau !