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Star (Christchurch), Issue 7014, 1 February 1901, Page 3

♦ He: "How often a woman's face is her. fortune." She : "Yes, and how often, a; main's cheek is his." ' ' ; • . Mamma: "I wish you could get George a nice situation. He wanit® a place in which time will hang, heavily on, his hands." AimeeV "Wihafc is classical music?'*. Maimee: "Oh, don't you know? It's tine '. kind that you have to like whether you like , it or 'not." Maud : " Did your friend get any foreign decorations while abroad?" Claud: "Oh,'. yes : he gob a- red nose in Paris and a black eye in Brussels." "Do you really love me, William?"; " Course I doe?. Think 1 1 been walkin' six' miles a week ter see yer fur the las' year 'cnuse I hated you?" ; • May : " What's that for, Charlie?" Charlie: "ThafV- a trap to catch the wretched little- birds that watch and whisper to mamma everything that I does." ;■ , ",-. "Lester, dear," said Mts Giddings,anx-; iously, to her husband, " I don'fc.like that cough of yours." " I'm sorry,'* replied Gid-1 dings, "but; it is the best I have." ':. Parent : "If you're a good boy I'll give you one of those books like I gave you some time ago." Johnnie: "I say, father, what kind of a boy must Ibe to- get a bicycle?" ' "That last laundry I patronised' is the; : worst I've tried yet," xemarked*Hampson: |to his next-door neighbour. "I sent 'eat' j six collars, and. all I got back was the but-: tonholes." ■ ' -- . I Customer : " Why did you take your hoyj away from school so young?" Grocer; i " They were ruining him for A my businesstrying to teach him that sixteen ounces make a pound." . ; Visitor: "And are "you .the eldestf'i . Daughter of the House : " No, I'm; the' eldest but two." Visitor: "Who are\th© other two?" Daughter of the House :|i "Father and mother." " j, Meeks : " No\f I like to jUstem to a; minis- . ter who sticks to his text when he preaches." Weeks: "Then you ought to attend oat, church. The minister, sticks to "hfe text about two hburs and a/ half as a rule." • . Servant: "Shall I leave the hall-lampt burning ?" Mrs Jaggsby : " No ; Mr Jaggs-i ') by won't be home until daylight. He kissedi me five times before he left this morning,; and gave me a five-pound note for a newj ' bonnet." \ : '■*'■■ ■•'■'-''. Admiring friend : " Well, that is a "baby ! M ;.- 'i Parent: "Think so, do you?" Admiring: : Friend : " Yes, indeed ! Why?" Parent : i "I was going to say that, if you had anyi ■ doubt about it, you might come home witttme and stay all night." _ • 7 "When I married you," lie eaidl, "J thought you were an angel." She looked at him coldly.. "I inferred as much," «hai said. There was something in her tone that : told him there was trouble in store for hist.!' "From the very first, ""she went on', "yott seemed to think that I could get along' with-| out clothes." ; Fair Patron : " See here ! You told me * horrid story about the way my husband was • acting, and I've found, on investigation, that it is not true. He's just is good as cari.be." Fortune-teller: "Very remark- . able, madam; very remarkable. I've told \ that same story. to about ten thousand dif-> ferent women, and you are the first one ' who has made a complaint."