DOOLEY IN CHRISTCHURCH.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 6660, 5 December 1899, Page 2

DOOLEY IN CHRISTCHURCH.

WHAT HE THINKS OP THE ELECTION. The prototype of the famous Martin Dooley, of Chicago, who is in Christchurch, is having a rare field-day just now, for Hennesey and Casey have taken up cudgels for the Opposition, and the bar-parlour is full of politics in the evening. How are ye, Casey, he says. Is it vote for th' Cap, ye'd be afther? (Cries of Abase Russell!) I seen his wanst mesilf an', be jabbers', I was paralysed. A pianner-playin' landlord! What's th' election about, says you. It's about the freehould, says he. An' so it is. It's whether foive hundred thousan' aerres iv land is to carry a hundred thousan' sheep or a hundred thousan' men and wimmen, an' if ye want th' pertaties, Casey, it ud be better to lave th* Cap. Srhere he ism obscur-rity. Liviu' in a pub. makes wan cautious, but th' Presidint iv the U-nited States himself isn't a better man than Dick Seddon, an' ye can take it or lave it as ye plase. Accbrdin' to th' pa T apers, the honour iv th. counthry is at stake an' th' virtue iv public life an' th' integrity iv the Exchiquer. But th' pa-apers is lyin'. Th' receipts is greater than th' expenditure, an' always will be so long as th' Liberils is in office. (Cheers for th' Liberils). Be th' hole in me co-at, it's th' ould age pinshuns that's at. stake, so it is.

'•Pur-rity iv administration, did ye say, Hennesey? An' how ould are ye? Sixtyfour is it. Yell be wantin' the pinshun f'r y'rself an' the ould woman next year, an' ye talk about pur-rity ay administration! Take it f'rm me, Hennesey, ye're cuttin' ye'er own thrawt. Lave pur-rity iv administration to thiin as hasn't anything better to talk about, an' vote f'r th' pinshun. Raymimber what th' Cap. said about the digridation iv poverty an' th' stigmer iv pauper-rism, an' giv' him wan in th' eye on Wednesday. It's r-rot ye're talkin' Hennesey an' ye knaw it.

" Tr-ravellin' epinses iv th' Primier," says you. I wondher at ye, Casey. What do ye know about tr-raveQin' ye that takes a sixpenny tr-rip to Sumner with th' wife an' kids wanst in a blue moon. Ye used to wor-ruk f'r two shillin's a day, an' had to lick th' boots iv th' boss f'r it; an' now ye get eight, an' ye talk iv tr-ravellin' expinses. Me thrawt is parched with th* labour iv talkin' to ye, an' ytfer skulls is that thick .they'd stop a lyd-dite shill. (Kape it up, Dooley). *

Wait till I've had me beer. Now, what is th' Conservative givin' ye? D'ye raymimber th' mutual admiration banquet whin th' Cap an'- his frinds was congr-ratulatin' th'msilves on th' downfall iv Dick? " Stick manfully to ye'er colours," says he ; an' '' no sumndhrin," says he. "The counthiy is with us," he says, "so it is." An' he pulls off his gould-r-rimmed pincey-niz an' waves th'm. gr-racefully before him. "We have a gloryus future before us/ he says. " They'se a limit to th' endurance iv th' people," he says; "they can't raysist our intreaties for iver. We'll sind them a walkin' diligate, an' we'll go to th'm oursilves," he says. "If things goes on much longer as they are," he says, "I'll have to give up importin' me dress-soots fr'm Home," he says, " an' some iv us has had to give it up already," he says. " It's a cryin' shame," he says, " haw ! a eryin' shame that th' rayprisintatives iv light an' culture vn. this gloryus land," he says, " should be forr-ced to buy their clothes in th' colloney, whin they'se thousan's iv. able-bodied men -vvorrukin' f'r eight shillin's a day," he says, " that ought to be wor-rukin f'r four. ■(Shame!) Me taxes has increased," he says, " till I'm payin' a ha'p'ny per cint on th' unimproved value iv th' land that I shouldn't havei" he says, " a>n' th' masses," 'he says, " that we all love so much," to says, "that ought to be wor-rukin to keep th' counthry gom," he says, "are livin' in luxury an' payin' nawthin'. Is that r-iight," he says, an' t3i* tears w're sthreamin' down his pallid cheeks. An' they all wept, because iv th' ongratitude iv th' masses. "What'll we do?" he says anon and anoaiymussly. "We'll give th'm fli' freehould," he says. (Cheers f'r th' freehould.) " We'll tell th'm that sintiment's th' thing, an' that th' Englishman's home is his castle," he says. An' so it is, Casey, till th' morgedge falls due. "An" we'll get th' land agin'," says the Gap., "and' buy our dhress-soots in London fr'm Worth's," he says. (Cheers f'r th' Cap.) "Gintlemen," says he, "it gives me gr-reafc pleasure," he says, "to be prisint in th* mis* in so many an' so various vittles, an' to know ye all agr-ree with me on th' tremenjus wickidness iv Seddon," he says. "Now what else shall we give th' deer masses?" he says. " The penny postige," says wan. "Right y'are," says 'he; " Dick says it can be done," says he. " Let us pray f'r th' • Administration," says he, " f'r it's under th' protection iv Providence," says he, " an' we'll have to get it out. We'll get up another scandal," says he. An' so they did* Hennesey, an' when ye talk about pur-ritty iv administration, ye don't knaw whither it's canned goods or laager ye*re votin' f'r. Wan iv th' warst things about this here politics, Casey, is th' dam ignorance iv fools like you an' Hennessey. Some day justice '11 be done to Dick, an' th' Conser-rvatives '11 vote f'r th' leasehould. But before that day comes we'll all'Ve -died iv what Hogaoi calls ongwee, which Is havin' oio wan. in th' weary worruld ye don't love.