FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 6138, 26 March 1898, Page 4

FUN AND FANCY.

A man likes to refer to himself as an , idiot at times, but it makes him mad if : anybody else agrees with him. Grocer: "What are you grumbling about? D'ye want the earth?" Oris-j tomer -. "No ; not in the sugar." i Briggs : " What kind of a fellow ii Wil-, lowsnap ? " Griggs : " I don't know. I've j only seen him when he waß with hia - wife." ;, I Tlie Oddities of Language.— " She ac-, ! tually flung herself at his head !'" " H'm ! i i What did he do ? " "He flung himself at ! her feet." '■ A gentleman Baid to a dilatory waiter : . " Aro you the lad who took my plate for I this beef ? " " YeS, sir." " Bless me, how ! you have grown ! " Ziggsby. "There goes a fellow who; whistles at danger." Perksby: "Ah, hej must be a very brave fellow. Who Ib he?" * Ziggsby : " A locomotive driver."

Bobby : " Dad, what is a mutual friend P"! Mr Fogg : "He is generally one who mt^kes { it his business to see that you don't miss hearing the nasty things your friends Bay! about you." : "Are you fond of poetry?" asked thei soulful girl. "Yes," said he enthusias-i tically. " There isn't muoh of it on a page, ! and you can finish a whole book of it in a 1 deuce of a short time."

Adelbert : " I cawn't say that I'm fee_-j ing nachuwal this evening; I've got a beastly | cold in my head, don'tyerknow P" Gerai-I dine: " Never mind, Addy. Don't grumble.' Even if it is only a cold, ifs something." •'

The Sunday Scorcher.—" Why do you scorch so much, Cranke? you're always in such a fearful hurry." " I only get one chance a week," explained Oranke, " and I have to do seven days' biking all at once ! "

He: "Do you think marriages are made; in heaven?" She:' r WBII, I don't know, but I guess yours will have to be if youl over get married." People who saw him one minute later thought that he was trying to catch a train. "Do you- think," said the lady who -Waß shopping, "that anyone would steal this umbrella if I were to leave it for a few; minutes?" "Really, madam,"' replied the clerk, "I shouldn't like to venture an opinion without first examining the -umbrella."

" Now, Thomas," said a certain Bishop, after taking his servant to task one morning, " who is it that sees all we do, andl hears all we say, and knows all we think,, and who regards even me in my Bishop's robes as but a vile worm of the dust?" And Thomas replied, " The missus, sir."

It had been Jimmy Tinpenny's first day of office life, and as he returned home at night Tie was met by Tinpenny, senior, who peppered Jimmy with questions. " And did they have much confidence in you P"' asked Tinpenny, senior. " Confidence," echoed Jimmy proudly ; "why,. Mr Muffles, our cashier, set nic to check the Ready Reckoner!"