FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5955, 21 August 1897, Page 6

FUN AND FANCY.

o» 00r Vand erboin died hard." "How B^,t "** e w^ s frozen to death." ■ "My good man, I i)ever sent for you to tune my piano." "No, madam, but the people next door did "

•v A monopoly is a good deal like a baby. m A man 18 opposed to ifc on general prinl(i Ciples until he has oue of his own. She (well-to-do).- "Are you a good ie W e f ? " He (impecunious) : • JNo ; but I have an uncle who is." lft Lost child (to policeman) : "Please, sir, [6 . have you seen a" man without a little boY P w Cause if you have, I's that lifctlrt boy." cs. _ B «s-driver ("to lmtf.d rival) i " Yah ! |d Don t you talk about faces. Yours is like a waxworks wot's been too near'- a stoW" 'c . J^ lin^ Cuniso^ find of ■■ stones go they tell'.: to the uiarinesf" "Mr Cumeo : " Sea serpenVstories; Johnny." 11 ' , om ? m ,9 a «antako new f urnitme and { make it loof if* if ..ifc was: nwdefa'xentury d js£^ 'aiournafisfc tl dear lie ban hardly hear .lift wife speak P~"7 n Charlie (absent-minded) t « Some men have , d all the luck." y -ru^^" 1 ! Cabm an : "Good old 'owe! c That a the fourth time he's fallen down tol ai&Wv and blowed if he ain't upset a c cyclist every time !" . <j "And, your wife aimed at and struck your head with a oup ?" "Yes sir " [s "i W ?i'^ en> * U * have l 0 sa y is that you c should be very proud of. her." ', c "Whatever made, you make Brackrns a 0 *«*??* °J » pocket <x»nb ?. He's as bald afl j a bilhard-bMI." '' That's just it. I want , to make him think L never noticed it." 1 Eunice, admiriugly. "Oh, Penelope! B what a sweet bxt Q f lace that is' in your k *«•■ ° ld? " --^"olope. discontent , tedly: "Old! I should think- bo. It's lasfc „; year's." , .»•-.. .... I " Isn't there any chance ofc setttinjr the c differences. between, Mr aud.Mrs TVbiflyP" "Not the slightest,. Epcfc. got hpldya&flbij • . diary that .the .otEe* kept before fcfcevwm* •' njarried," ... . ;.■ • ./,; ..' - .^ .:''.,■ j Young merchant (c6nunencmg J .e;&|t\irjt<v , dictate expostujatbry .". letter •<reppfesJLu*''.* ' prices to manufacturer) instill find you r very d§ai\" ...Typist .^(coi&y *■:■■? QH $&».-«• r Richly, this is sq auddon." .. .-,..,. ,-."■ f _ YOung Moses (worried) : " Fader, dose _ six-dollar suitings ish vorso dan ye effer j hantled pefore. Dey vill look vusty mit t two veeks' vare." Old Mosos (thoughti fully) : "Look rusty in two veekf.' rare? Veil, tell der customers dey vill vare lita I iron." . . , . { Mrs Parvenu: "I trust, Reginald, that 3 at college you are not .neglecting your fc social training." . Reginald : "By no means, k mother. I devote two ov three hours g daily to studying the Marquis of Queensberry's Rules." Mrs Parvenu-. "lam k so—o — o — glad." r Here is an on dit about Louis XVIII. b which may be true .ov not. After his 3 restoration he asked Pouclie:.whether he had ever set spies over him. .fne Minister l of Police unifler Napoleon admitte^that he t had. The King asked who it was. Pouche . said, " The Comte de Blacas." ." How much did he get?" was the ' fui-fcher inquiry. v "200,000 francs a year." "Ah, well," 'said Louis, "he was honest, after all. I had , half." ; . . ;'. = , •:.> l NO LONGER. HOME-LIKB. 1 • r "Mike," said Piedding Pete, "I'm'gointer be good." -.:.-.. , ■f i -_.;, [ "What fur?" " w ■•■• .' •■•■;■'• r " 'Cause I'm afraid o* goin' ter gaol.* > "Why, dafs a nice, reafcful place.'' , "It uster be. But loqk what's haspeniu\ : ; Dey're talkin' about ■ Bendin'. brokers an'- [ capitalists dere. If #at happens devil scud ; hotel clerks ter beep 'em . good-natured i when dey gits teij-kickin 1 about deir rooms; i jji' dere'll be bellboys ru6bin' around -vyif i pitchers of ice-.water, an' company an' customers comir A * in hacks, dat dere'll be no livin* dere. : I'd almost as soon work ineself i .as ter see 60 many people kep' hustlin\" ■ , ,^- MUSICAL DISCUSSION, i A. Wilkinßburg family was .discussing > music, when one member strove to recall L the name of a certain composer. . ■ | "I can't remember it for my life," 6he > said, " although it is on mytongue!s end. ; As near as I can come, to it his name is > Doorknob." '< " Doorknob," repeated one of the others. ■ "There is no composer whose name soundß > anything like that. I'll go over a few > names : Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Haydn, > Wagner, Handel " I " That's it," interrupted the forgetful one. "It's Handel. I knew it was something you seized with your hands." HEROIC TREATMENT. On one occasion Lord Norbury observed an attorney of doubtful reputation touting' in the dock for business, and determined to make an example of him. Just as the attorney was climbing over the rails of the dock into the court hiß Lordship called out : — " Gaoler, one of your prisoners is escaping. Put him back." Back the attorney was thrust, and the following colloquy ensued : "My Lord, there is a mistake here. I am an attorney." " I am very sorry indeed," said Lord Nor-, bury, " to 6ee one of your profession in the dock." " But, my Lord, I am innocent." " Yes, they all say that," was the Judge's reply. " A jury of your fellow-countrymen must settle it." ' "But, my Lord," exclaimed the now dpsperate man, " there iis no indictment against DIG* v j-a j "Then » sa^^Ltirdsni^^y^^fle^^ put back, and if no one appears to prosecute, you will be discharged bj pn'biic, proclamation at the end of. the aesizee.".. ,' IN TROUBLE FOR HONESTY;'';;; , " A queer thing happe&e'd 'to mg/' said ' Bailey, lighting a fresh cigar.. "It was only one of those incidents of strpeKfravel 7 that might happen to anyone, but,|,nnoyxnc from the misconstruction pub upon it." "Let's hear it," said the Other fellows, making themselves comfortable. " I was riding on the electric," said. Bailey, "and in the seat opposite was a pretty girl." , " Oh, you consider yourself a judge," . remarked one of the crowd. " I certainly do. And I let her ees that I appreciated her eood looks. Bub my admiration ' made no impression. The young woman busied herself getting her fare ready, and I watched her as. she deftly extracted a dime from her pocketbook and held it on the palm of a pretty hand, ready for the conductor." " You were hit hard, Bailey." " Then I thought me of my own fare, and as I was holding a newspaper in my hand I rose and dived down into my ■ pocket Ibp,,,^^ „./ nickel. The conductor came along, ',fuuL't' ' .', I banded it to him just as my.. vis-S-jiis : '■, said: • '" ■".'.. ■' ""•" . "'*. ,., . .__. " ' What hes . become " of „ my. fen '*.'..;- -centsP* ' v '■■•, " , ;".• ',•,'../,'- . ■,; •• There she sat staring at her hand, . which was no longer.occupied. by the piece of silver. We all looked for it, bjitit bad '. disoppenred, and she found a nickel with which she paid her fare. At that moment • I slipped my hand into my overcoat pocket . :ind found there the ten-cent piece. " How could you idtmtify it ?" asked one of the boys. " I never carry money in an outside pocket. Besides, it had not been there-a moment before. No ; I knew how it happened. My paper had whisked it from her hand, and it had dropped from it to my pocket, as I explained to her." " Was she surprised ? What did she say ?" " Boys, I can't tell you all she said. Please don't ask me: Shn remarked that no one could. judge by appearances, and she hoped it was my first beginning in a life of crime; that if I had been hardened I would not have returned it to her, but that probably I saw that Bhe suspected me, 'and a lot more, while the fellows in the other seats were guying. me. But you can bet your bottom doliar I never find any women's money and return it to her, again. Not much, Tytn*** Annl"