FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5855, 24 April 1897, Page 4

FUN AND FANCY.

"Why didn't you thrash 'im when he knocked you down?" "Because I was afraid he might be a girl." "I've discovered why the Greeks were such a happy people?' "Why was it?" "They didn't have fcheix clothes made to fit." Artist : " How do you like the portrait ?" Sitter: "Well, I don't exactly like the nose." Artist : " Neither do t, but its yours." Houlihan (to Kerrigan, who has been blown up in a powder-mill) : "Are yez resigned, Kerrigan?" Kerrigan: "Mb; oi'm discharged — bad cess to it." Hubby: "Yes, dear, you look nice in that dress ; but it cost me a heap of money." Wifie : " Freddie, dear, what do I care for money when it is a question of pleasing you?" • Mamma: "I wish you could get George a nice situation." Papa : " I'm afraid I can't suit George. He wants a place in which time will hang heavily on ids hands." Barker: "Did you ttll him that he lied ?" Karker : " Not in so many words," Barker : "How then ?" Karker : " I told him he ought to be sending war news from Cnba." " I should like to go to my mother-in-law's funeral this afternoon, sir," said the book-keeper to the " old man." "So should I," replied the proprietor, as he turned to his desk again. The Cycling Schoolmaster (to pupil): "What is a pedestrian, Johnny Smart?' Johnny Smart: "A feller wot makes a row ■when he is knocked down by a cyclist, bit." Cycling Schoolmaster: "Correct, Johnny. Go up one." Mabel: "What picture is that on your mantelpiece, Jack?" Jack (with evident confusion) : " Er— thatf smy sister. She's married, and lives in Australia." Mabel (calmly) : "Is she your sister by birth or by rejection?" Here is a neat retort by a young lady to a cabman : " Cabby, I wish you would be more anaemic in your observations." The cabby was. cowed by this unexpected, retort. He had no idea what the word meant, but it was evidently something dreadful. A teacher in Sunday school took for a subject, "The Lord Loveth a Cheerful Giver." She inquired if anyone knew what it meant, when a little four-year-old boy said, "Miss L., I know what that means." "Well, George Edwin, what is it?" "It means give a whole lot, and don't cry over it." "Are you the proprietor of this restaurant ?" said the man who had waited for his order until he became sleepy. " Tes, sir. What can Ido for you ?" " You can give me some information. I want to know whether you have told the waiter to stay away so that you can bring in a bill for lodgings against me." Two Turks were at a French banquet. Towards the conclusion of the feast a Frenchman selected a toothpick from the tray near him and politely passed the tray on to his neighbour, who however peremptorily declined the offer, exclaiming, "No, thank you! I have already eaten two of the accursed things, and I want ho more ! "