"STEPNIAK," A COOK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5656, 29 August 1896, Page 1

"STEPNIAK," A COOK.

(Pall Mall Gazette.) . We had had several cooks,' all of them villains. It is very curious that before I married I kept one cook for many years, and we were mutually satisfied, but after I was married we changed cooks several times in six months. They all left of their own accord, saying that an ancestor had died in China, and they wanted, to go and collect the family heirlooms, or that a former Tuan had returned from Europe and they were going back to his service, or something equally silly. One went so far as to say that he was going to be mai'ried, and wanted to leave for that reason.- This was idiotic, because no Chinaman ever makes that an excuse fpr anything, except for raising. a loan, and he must have known it .did not deceive me, Anyhow, they all left— sadly but firmly they departed, after a week or so of trial. In this connection I would point out that before I married- my food cost from ninety to one hundred dollars a month, while after I was married, and the "MEll" SOT SETTLED DOWN into the way of things this item was reduced to about thirty or forty dollars, and was vastly improved in many ways.. Dinner was a pleasure instead of a bore, and other fellows used to come down and share it, so that expenses ought to have gone up, but they didn't. I don't lay any stress on this fact, but merely state it as a fact. We named these cooks all as they came, and gravely informed them of their new names on the second or third interview. One was called Celandine because of his bashful and retiring ways, another on account of his appalling ugliness was christened Calibanv When Caliban had gone wa got a superb villain. All Chinese cooks can cheat, but few can approach Caliban's successor in audacity. In the daily rendering of accounts he would say "twenty-five eggs at five cents each, Mem." " Wait a minute, cookie, eggs are only a cent and a half each, and what did you use twentyfive for ? " I believe it would have been ■ all the same if he had said twenty-five dozen eggs. So h e proceeded to specify the eggs. "Spxip,Mem,one." "Yes." '■"Pudding — four — that makes six." "No, cookie ; there was only one in the pudding, but you will swear there were more, sq L will make it two, that makes three — well." " Soup, two." ' " No cookie ; one for soup — we have already counted that, go on." " Curry four." "No cookie, there were no eggs in the curry last night, you are thinking of the day before yesterday. Well, three eggs, four and a half cents— next." "Potatoes ten cents." "No, cookie, you got enough potatoes yesterday for three days — next," and so on. THE AUDACITY OP THIS CHEATING WAS ' SUPERB, and we could not do justice to him in a name, so we waited, and for several days he was known as " cookie." About a week or eight days after he had come to us, and just when we were expecting him to say that he had been bereaved of his only remaining grandparent in China, I was knocked up one night by my next-door neighbour, who said that his house had been entered during his abseuce early in the evening, and that several things had been taken. He assured me that it was my cook who had done it, and wanted to search his room. Wo went down to the sorvants* quarters and searched, but could find no trace of the missing goods, but in rummaging the cook's box I came across several strange looking documents printed in Chinese character on linen. I took charge of them out of curiosity and departed, telling " cookie " that they would be quite safe. Next morning, with many tears and entreaties, he asked me to return them ; but I was obdurate, as I suspected they were documents of value. The same day I called on Hedley, a friend of mine in the Detective Department, who is an expert in Chinese ways and doings, and asked him to decipher the writing for me. HIS PACE LIT UP AS SOON AS HE SA"W THEM. " You know, my dear fellow, that unregistered societies are illegal. This is a secret society diploma, and belongs to one of the principal officers, Ah Poon by name. (That was the name cookie had given me). I 1 have heard of the existence of this society for some time, and am glad to have some evidence to go on." However, I persuaded him to give rue the things back, and I went home. In the evening I sent for the cook, and we had a talk. I did not tell him where I had got my information from ; but I told him all about the society — what its object was, who the officers were, its name, and all about it. I then told him that if its existence came to the kuowledge of the Government, the officers would be sent to China after trial, and would there be executed, and wound up by telling him that I was going to keep the documents. I promised that I would not tell anybody as long as he was with me and behaved himself and was a good cook. But if he ever again said that he had used twenty-five eggs at five cents each, when he had used three at a cent and a half each, or did anything of that sort, that I would send all the documents in to the Head of the Police, and then . So wo parted. I never- had a better cook. He was AS DOCILE AS A LAMB, and so economical that I raised his wages, and he stayed with me for three years — in fact, till I came to England. We now had no difficulty in finding a name for him, and after the very next interview the " Mem " gravely told him that he was to be called " Stepniak," and that it was a great honour to be called by that name, for it was the name of a great man who was at the head of the greatest secret society in E\irope. He was much impressed, and I gave him those documents the last thing before I ■went on board my steamer, or else I feel sure that he would have poisoned me, if he could have once got them back and fed me afterwards. Still, he was an excellent cook.