THE IDLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5460, 11 January 1896, Page 4

THE IDLER.

A certain Merciful Patterson, an aged seaman, died the other day in a London infirmary. What a nnine his might have been for a character sketch by Dickens. The old sea-dog had humour in his composition, and it came out grimly at tho List, in a letter to a near relative. Therein he said : — " I leave you my clothes. lam told I am going to furnished lodgings in a hot climate, and they will bo of no f urther use to me." V Here are some brief extracts from English publications : — A child's definition of a skeleton — " A man without meat." Division! of labour. — Bill : Yer look flourishin',' 'Any ! 'Arry : Yub. My ole woman's laundry business is a doin' fairly well. I'm a 'airin o' ono o' the wito weslrits now. Somebody says that there is said to be one editor in heaven. How ho got there is not positively known, but it is conjectured that he passed himself for a minister, and stopped in unsuspected. When the dodge was discovered, they searched tho realms of felicity in all their length and breadth for a lawyer to draw up tho papers for his ejectment, but, as they couldn't find one, of course he held the fort.

Touching that vote of yours. Is your name on the roll ? If it is not, don't "see about it," but go and 'put it on straight away.

V So Mr Charles Lewis, of Halswell, is the choEen of the Conservatives to conteßt the bye-election in Christchurch. Of course, the interest felt by Farmer Lewis in city matters is profound, and his sympathy with the workers is too deep for utterance. May the Liberal Party be able to say, when it's all over, bar the shouting, " Halswell that endß well."

No day, it is said, passes in London without the bewilderment of some Lancashire man. He comes up to town amazed with his journey and with the city. A characteristic story, told of him in " Our Bailwcys," is that he entered a railway refreshment room, and, noting a lady eating aii ice, said to the waiter, " Owd lad, tha. mun bring mo one o' them." Being supplied, ho took a spoonful, but spat it out, saying, " Aw reckon it's a bit frost-bitten, niester." "Oh no, sir," remarked the waiter imperturbably, " it's an ice." " Ay ! do th' ate ice i' London ? " aßked the wondering operative. " Why, wo slur on it i' Eochdale ! "

The 1 great " National Association of New Zealand, having its head quarters at Auckland," and a branch at Christchuroh, is going to " squelch " tho Government and the Liberal party. The Press says so, and, therefore, its must be so. Woll, the " National Association of New Zealand " is not tho only National Association in tho world. There are before mc a number, of papers received by the San Francisco mail, and, according to ono of them, there iB a National Association in Great Britain that has its head quarters in London. Its title is " The National Liars' Association." One of its pleasantries is that each member is given a recruiting card, which runs as follows : — ■