LADIES' COLUMN.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5454, 4 January 1896, Page 3

LADIES' COLUMN.

MODERN KNIGHT ERRANTRY.

[BY BBTSSON CUNNINGHAM.] ISirand llajazine.)

She was bewitchingly pretty. From her light blue eyes flashed the brightest and most captivating of glances. Through the coral of her lips you could just catch at times a glimpse of a row of pearls that an .empress might envy. A wealth of golden curls clustered round her fair white foreheacjj her dainty ears, and shapely neck. ,Her. figure < was; lithe and slender. Her carriage was -graceful. Her fortune was considerable. And her" name was Ethel Fontaine. ' . ;■ ,'

Ted Eccles pronounced her a little fairy, far. too good for this rude work-a-day world; And he longed to have her all to himself, her earthly dross notwithstanding. Bhe.waß, a ray of -sunshine on his life's dreary pathway, his guiding star ; these and ; .various other metaphors you. can compile ad infinitum from the sonnets he was in the habit of composing. He saw no reason why . >his suit should not be successful if "that Jack Bowles, who never seemed^ to see that he was not wanted, would only take himself out of the road, and not be such an unmitigated nuisance." Jack Bowles, the gentleman . referred to, also thought her a jolly nice girl. His thoughts ran on ' lines more prosaic than sentimental. He gaye 1 them vent in a frequently-muttered deßire to punch the ftevoted head .of Mr Eccles for presuming to interfere between himself and the affections of Miss Fontaine. Outwardly, these two youths comported .themselves with tolerable courtesy i They shook hands, chatted . together, met one another with perfect affability, arid only 'exhibited their real sentiments in the privacy of their own apartments. Love i 8 responsible for : a good -deal of hate' in this •world.' If -we love one person toexeess, do " we riot usually bestow- a 'counterbalance of dislike on somebody else, in order to maintain the equilibrium of- our affections? Herd' is material 1 for philosophic specula-. tion. ; •'■■ -' ; •■' -'•■•' ; ;■ v ■'•••■ ' • ■ : ■-" .

t i/Ksb • Ethel was, of ' course,- perfectly feware of her attractions. ' She had ample evidence of them every time she consulted ,a mirror, which wa3 not seldon. She quite enjoyed being surrounded by a crowd of devoted -'• admirers, each on the alert to gratify the least of her wishes. She laughed and extended her favours with a seemingly careless' impartiality, while secretly she took a great delight in playing off one suitor -against another. She knew her power, and; wielded -.her sceptre right royally.

■, ' The conversation one evening was apropos of poetry in general, and of one . of Mr Ted Eccles's effusions in particular. , He Had composed a pastoral idyll, after the moat ' approved classical models, with the reading of which ho entertained the company. • . "You know, I think we are living in . most degenerate days ? " Ethel remarked to Maud. Eccles, who was seated at her side ; "men do nothing nowadays to justify the extravagant professions imey make of undying affection, and all that sort of bosh." Here she laughed • most pitilessly in the poet's face. : " Why can't men do something to prove that they mean' what they say?" .. ' ' '•"Surely, Miss Ethel, you do not class us all as hypocrites 9" pleaded Ted, with a slight accent on the word "all," as if he felt that the remark might not be without some justification in the. case of his rival. "Oh, I don't know, I'm sure," she responded, archly. " You're all pretty much alike. When there's any talking to be done, each strives to outdo his neighbour; but there's no great Hurry to put all these fine speeches into practice." . , "I don't quite understand what you' mean," interposed Jack Bowles, evidently muchint^ested; ■-•'-■'•:" , :i . .*.v/ Well,' l think -my meaning ; plain enough.: A. poet* or,-' for the matter' of that, any person in love, or who imagines himself to be in love, throws himself into a dramatic attitude and exclaims that he is ready to do anything, go anywhere, for the object of bis devotion and, if need be, sacrifice his .life for her sake y while, as a matter of fact, he wouldn't, even go without his dinner for one day." . ..." What would.you have the • poor fellows do ? " broke in Maud. ' '■ " How can they die for you wnen they have no opportunity of doing so?" - ; "The knights of old used to find/come way of provmg-their devotion." / •;■ "Oh, yes, Ethel, but you forget that we are living . under different circumstances now. A man can't nowadays go roaming round on .a • warhorse, amputating his neighbours, and wrecking their houses in order to,gra|ify the whim of his ladye-love. We are too prosaic. He would get taken up i and "punished." '.■'"'.' ' "Well, perhaps s.oj" she pouted; f'but, still, men might do something to prove that chivalry is not,quite dead." . , " Yes, give upsmoking, and card-rplaying, and staying out late at nights,. perhaps. Those are •fie sacrifices da nos jours" '

" You are always making fun of what I say/ rejoined Ethel, somewhat piqued. " I can't see why' each age should not have its; own form of chivalry, at any rate, in the. shape of deeds and not words. If a

man, like the. idiotio hero of that, idyll, were , to come ' to me and say that he was ready" to die for me, I should want some confirmation of his statement before I believedhim. If he really ( meant what he Baid, he would have no difficulty in finding an opportunity of proving it." This fragment of conversation left a great impression on the minds of Ted Eccles and Jack Bowles. They each regretted that the days of knighthood were passed; that no joustor tournament could afford them the opportunity of covering fchemselveg. with' gore and. glory in honour of Miss Fontaine. Ted's fervid imagination pictured himself, as the hero of a hundred combats; kneeling at her feet to receive the laurel crown of' victory. Jack entertained the. conviction no less that he would have vanquished whose armies in such a cause. Ted dwelt. long on the agreeable theme. Add then there came to him a happy inspiration, upon which he proceeded to act. •

"Bob," said he.to Mr Fontaine's coachman, a night or two later, "is that brown mare of yours restive ? " . "Quiet as a lamb," was the response. "But still she could Wok if you vexed her?"

" I daresay," was Bob's cautious

rejoinder. "Well, look here, Bob," said Ted, confidentially, "I want you to do me a favour." Here Bob's fingers closed over half-a-crown. "I want you to assist me to carry out a little scheme of mine. Miss Ethel will be going out for a drive to-morrow afternoon, and if you could manage "— (a wink) — " cr — manage ■• to make it seem like as if the horse was— er. — rnnning away, and I was on the spot to stop her, I'd give you half a sovereign, Bob." Ted hurried over the latter part of his explanation somewhat nervously, and awaited the reply with apprehension. —BoH looked mystified, as indeed he was. Ted explained again. '.

. " You see, Bob, I don't want : Miss Ethel to run any danger," he added, "but I'd like her to see me ready to risk my life for her. It wouldn't take much to make believe that the horse was running away, and you could shout and yell, and I'd be ready to rush forward and stop the blamed thing." It took some little time for Bob to gee the affair in all its bearings. At last, however, after much persuasion, he consented, for the sake of a sovereign, to carry out a runaway incident with as little danger as possible to Miss Fontaine, and as much glory as possible to Mr Eecles.

* The next afternoon the latter was Btrolling, to all appearances accidentally, along a country lane, when he saw a carriage . coming in his direction at a. very unusual speed. . The coachman on the box seemed to have taken temporary leave >i bis senses. He : .was gesticulating like a lunatic,.and yelling.at .the top of his voice tbirheipi '■■$■ yo^ng lady clung, white and terrified, to' the carriage back. ■.'tod praojtJ himself together, for, an

heroic effprt. _ He jammed his hat firmly down on his brow and, aa the mare dashed up, . breathless and foaming, spurred to unusual exertions by the erratic outcries of the son of Nimshi, he bounded forward and, flinging his arms round the astonished animal's head, speedily brought her to a standstill.

Then he rushed to the carriage door, and assisted the ' agitated Miss Fontaine to alight. Bob, had done his . work so well that she sank trembling into his arms.

" What a shame ! " he thought to himself, as he looked down on her pale and pretty face. For a moment he despised himself for the trick he had played upon her. The next the self racousation • was forgotten in the delicious -sensation of, bearing her in his arms. A • great ilonging came over him to stoop down and kiss her. But while he hesitated she recovered. Her colour rapidly returned and, gently disengaging herself, she lifted a pair of grateful eyes upon him and exclaimed : —

.". Gh, Ted, how brave and good you have been ! What would have become of us if you had not stopped us ?"

" We should ha* been smashed to smithereens," said Bob, solemnly. He was faithfully carrying out his contract ; all the more so as he had a tender feeling for Mary, the housemaid, and the sight of Eccles gallantly supporting his young mistress had awakened all the romance and sympathy in his nature.

Ted felt uncomfortable, and a slight blush of shame passed over his face, which Ethel. attributed to a feeling of modesty. She sat down on the bank at the roadside, to recover from the effects of her fright Then Bob inquired about returning home.. The mare' was now standing perfectly unoncerned, and quite in accordance with her lamb-like character. But Ethel absolutely declined to return in the carriage. So Bob drove off alone, and Ted, with very pleasurable emotions, escorted her by the pathway across the fields to her father's house.

He smiled to himself with inward satisfaction several times" during the course of that evening, arid expressed his 'delight at having "put a spoke in old Bowles's wheej.' l . „ .'..''

Of course the incident was soon noised abroad, with rapidly, accumulating details. Ted found himself the centre of an admiring circle, and, what ' he prized more 1 Highly, decidedly in preference with Miss Ethel.

j Much to Jack's disgust, not being a poet, he was unable to pour forth his woes in metrical form ; but he renewed his determination to punch Mr Eccles's head on the first "' convenient occasion. Why should fortune be so partial to Ted ? He flattered himself that he could have rescued Ethel just as well and better than "that fool Eccles," if he had only had the good luck to be on the spot. He railed at Dame Fortune and her caprices. But all to no purpose. Ted had decidedly got the better, of him. .■..'.'■. ■ Suddenly ' there flashed across his mind an idea which almost took his breath j away. ! "By Jove ! " he exclaimed, " I'll be even with that numskull yet." And he proceeded to elaborate his plan with much reflection and. repeated expressions of satisfaction. It resulted in the following incident: — • ' .A week later Miss Fontaine was directing her steps along the self -same pathway across the fields which she had so lately traversed in the company of Mr^ Eccles. She was attended only by Tommy, a strapping lad of fifteen, who performed odd domestic jobs in the Fontaine household. Miss Fontaine had an old pensioner, a bedridden woman, whose 'cottage she was in the habit of visiting periodically. On these occasions Tommy carried a basket containing jellies and other delicacies for the invalid. The pathway .was solitary, and in one part skirted the edge of a thioket. . It was jiist at this • point that Miss Fontaine found herself, to, her dismay, suddenly confronted by. six sturdy ruffians, armed with oudgelsi-who demanded charity in tones as plausible as their gestures: were .menacing. Tommy, not by any means a brave youth, dropped his basket and fled across the empty fields, shrieking for help. The thought of pursuit lent wings to his feet, and he tumbled headlong over the first, stile into a dry ditch, where he lay breathe less and too frightened to move;. : .

Miss Fontaine was by nature timid, but, left alone in the face of imminent danger, she did not lose her presence of mind. As calmly as possible she handed her purse to the men and sought, not without much inward trepidation, to pursue her way. A dozeifhanas were instantly laid upon her, and — -■•. ■-■'■

At this moment, Mr Jack' Bowles came tearing along the path at ids utmost speed. He dashed headlong into the group, upset one man with the impetus of his charge, drove his fists into the faces of the second and third, and then, thrusting Miss Fontaine aside, commenced a vigorous onslaught on the remaining three. A severe struggle lasted for several minutes, in which blows and muttered curses succeeded one another without intermission. Then, just as it seemed that Jack would have to yield to superior numbers, the whole body of ruffians suddenly took flight, leaving him master of the field, with a torn coat and a generally disordered attire. The victor turned to Miss Fontaine, who had been anxiously awaiting the issue of the. doubtful conflict. He took her tenderly'by the arms, and, with, eyes fall of concern, inquired if she had been hurt.

Poor' Ethel was too overcome to make any reply. Her breath came and went in fitful sobs, and she was evidently on the verge of an. hysterical attack. * Jack drew her to his side and soothed her as only a devoted lover could. Then, as she grew calmer, she poured forth her thanks in such broken and. grateful language that he felt himself to be^a disgraceful brute for having caused her so much distress. He picked up her basket; and gloves, ; arid slowly escorted her home. Tommy, finding that no one pursued him, had also made the best of his way thither, and had arrived five minutes previously with an exaggerated account of the murder of Miss Ethel by a gang of ruffians. The whole household was in commotion when they arrived on the scene. They were welcomed with lively demonstrations of affection, and when Ethel narrated the story of Jack's prowess, that modest gentleman was overwhelmed with praise and congratulations.

He returned home that evening brimful of delight and satisfaction at the success of his plot; He had need to be, for it cost him several pounds to assuage the feelings and mollify the hurts of his hired "villains."

Ted's exploit was now put altogether in the shade, and he was highly wroth in consequence. Miss Ethel's lady friends all agreed that the encounter with six desperate ruffians and their defeat singlehanded was a far more heroic performance than the stopping of a runaway horse. Jack was set up on the pedestal lately occupied by Ted, and Miss Ethel's favours veered round in the direction of her later deliverer.

But ' Ted' was not going to let matters rest here. His fertile imagination speedily evolved another exploit to .recover his lost glory. During the next few weeks Miss Ethel led a most exciting and precarious existence. She seemed to be under a perpetual sword of Damocles. Hardly a day passed but she was in some perilous' situation, from which she was only rescued in the nick of time by the prowess of one or other of her lovers. A burglarious entry into her father's house was discovered and checked by Eccles. A midnight fire, whose origin was a mystery, gave Bowles the opportunity of mounting to her bedroom and carrying her off, amid clouds of smoke and shouts of applause. Eccles dragged her from under the feet of a cab-horse, whose reckless driver was certainly not above the suspicion of having tracked her along the streets for several days. Bowles was just in time to prevent her being gored by an infuriated bull while crossing the fields. And so on, turn by turn, each rival constituted himself her guardian angel at some critical juncture. And each adventure became more alarming than the last. Miss Ethel's latest escape was -the general topic of conversation. People wondered at her extraordinary career. Insurance agents looked askance on her father's prudent efforts to take out a pplipy gp.h^Tjliik,

life a very uncertain quantity and ' far too exciting to ba enjoyable." Poor girl, she longed for the old, uneventful days, when her existence flowed smoothly and sweetly- along like the tide of a summer stream. The'jFates now seemed determined to put an end to her, and, balked in one direction, they immediately resumed their attempts in another.

Matters came to a crisis at last. The competition could not possibly "go on for ever, and Ted Eccles determined to make one decisive stroke, which should " settle the hash of that ass, Bowles," once and for all.

.There was to be a picnic on the river in a' few days. Ted's ready invention gave birth to the idea of a thrilling rescue of Ethel' from a watery- grave. • fie thought the matter carefully over; and laid <16wn' a scheme as feasible as possible. :..•• He then strolled dowy to- see Jim, the boatman. ■ •■ ■■■■■■■■•■ ■ ■

Jim was the- owner of some light river craft, and- he had undertaken the duties of pilot and oarsman in the forthcoming excursion. • •• ' •

Very cautiously Ted explained to him the object of his mission. Nevertheless, Jim was considerably astounded at the audacity of a proposal to upset a' whole boatload of people into the water. It took him"' several minutes to grasp the fact of Ted's sanity. He shook his head very determinedly. ■•'

■ " Nay, nay, sir ; thees not going to get me hung for murder."

"But, Jim, I want you to do it in some shallow place, where nobody will get drowned." .

" Can't be done, sir," said Jim, emphatically. Think o' my reppitatipn." Ted pleaded and persisted. He offered bribe after bribe on an increasing scale. Jim was obdurate. Still Ted waxed more importunate. "With the offer of a teapound note Jim wavered: It was a sum not lightly to be rejected. ' He reflected a minute .or . two and then remarked,- ten-'

tatively

"It's only Miss Ethel as you wants to rescy ?" ■ .-■ ■•■•• • '■ ■

"That's all, Jim."

" Well, what about th' others ?"

This was a poser. Ted had not troubled himself about' the fate 6f the remainder of the party. " Oh, they'll manage to scramble but some =way or> other," he said, offhandedly. \

• "Lookyehere, sir," said Jim, thoughtfully, "seeing as it's only Miss" Ethel as you wants to rescy, it's no use upsetting the whole boat-load. Besides, that 'ud be too big a job. H6w"d it be if Miss Ethel was persuaded to go for a bitof a row after the others had got out; and then, seeing as you wish it pertickler, I might manage to tip' her in, nice and quiet like, close agen the side, so as there'd be no danger ?" " The very thing ." exclaimed Ted, grasping Jim's horny hand in his enthusiasm. . -

It was arranged then for the sum of £10 (£5 down and £5 on completion of contract), that Jim was to offer to indulge Miss Fontaine's well-known penchant for rowing, and by this means take her farther up the river than the rest.of. the party j and then, haying reached the selected spot, to sink or overturn the boat in. a skilfully accidental manner, so that Mr Eccles, who would be at hand, might plunge in and obtain all the credit of her rescue.

. Ted took his leave. Scarcely .an hour elapsed before Jack Bowles popped into Jim's workshop. He also had a communication to make to the astonished boatman. .It was none other than the identical scheme of his previous visitor. Jim stared at first. He wondered if everybody was going crazy. Then he decided to keep his own .counsel. He listened attentively to Jack's exposition of- the plot, raised various objections, and finally allowed himself to be persuaded into an arrangement with' him on the same terms as with Ted Ecoles'. . ■ .';..;,• 'A.s Jack closed the door, behind him,. Jim remafkedj'senifentiouslyV j. , :. . :' , " The wdrlc'S well paid as is twice paid. Well, I've no objection tp twenty quid. As for them, they can fight it out who haa her — ifs none of my business,"

The day of the picnic was a glorious one, as all days -should be. Not. a cloud broke the vast expanse of blue overhead. The river flowed clear and limpid, dreamily reflecting the panorama of foliage extending along its banks.' The party set out in the best of spirits for , a , dayfs enjoyment. ' ' ....' • . .-...-.

Ted Ecclestook his station behind a tree, close to the river's brim. He was not aware that Jack ' Bowles had ensconced himself behind a similar tree on the opposite bank. Neither .was Jack conscious of the proximity of his rival. . ,

They -waited while the minutes dragged slowly along. Each kept an*anxious watch on the nearest bend in the stream. And, at last, their patience was rewarded by the eight of the skiff containing Ethel and Jim. Ethel, dressed all in white, with her hat off and her golden curls flashing in the sunlight, was gracefully dipping vher oars into the gliding tide. All unconscious of her impending fate, she dreamily contemplated the cool and shady creeks as they passed along. . The. harder, toil devolved upon Jim, whose sturdy stroke carried the boat forward with a . Bteady momentum. With thoughts full of coming events/he cast r furtive glances at the various landmarks as they came in view.

At length the boat drew abreast of the chosen ; spot. Ted and Jack scarcely breathed as they saw Jim, unnoticed by Ethel, skilfully withdrew a plug from the bottom of the boat. There was a moment's intense silence. Jim had resumed his oars. Then the. dreamy look suddenly from Ethel's face, and she started to her feet. ' .

" Oh, Jim, quick the boat's- -sprung , a leak?" Jim leaped up, top, and, in doing so, caused the boat to lose its equilibrium. It overturned both its occupants into'the water/ • ' ; ; ■. , • • . ■... v . . .-•.■ .-

- Now was the moment. Both rivals plunged into the water with one impulse. Both were excellent swimmers, and reached the overturned boat in a few vigorus strokes. Then, for the first time, they became aware of each other's presence. Ted, with his arm round Ethel's waist glared with astonishment and anger at Jack. The latter reciprocated the glare with interest. Ted felt that he was being defrauded out of his legitimate laurels... Jack felt that his pet scheme was being frustrated by the malignity of . his foe. Angry blood surged through their veins. ■ Ted was for bearing the clinging Ethel to his side of the river; Jack had the intention no less, of taking her to his side, in spite of Ted Eecles or any other mortal. I He caught her by the arm. I " Let go," spluttered Ted. " She's mine. I got her first !" " You be hanged !" ejaculated Jack, fired with indignation. " ■Let • go, I • te.ll you, " spreamed Ted.;::; '.':':■ :.' : ; ;* ' '" . ' ''"-I ; , "f 11 smash: your head for you," was the response.' , " Let go, you scoundrel !" " Go to blazes, you idiot !" , Ted raised his arm . and struck: Jack violently in the face,. In doing so he lost his hold of Ethel, who, shrieking with fright, drifted away down stream. Fortunately . Jim was. at hand. He overtook her before she had gone far, and conveyed her safely to shore, more frightened than hurt. . Meanwhile the fight waxed furious. The blow maddened Jack ; the loss of Ethel infuriated Ted. Closely interlocked, they floundered about in the water, now one uppermost, now the other, striking,' parrying, splashing, blowing, plunging, and spluttering like a couple of great fish in mortal combat. Ethel's shrieks had attracted the attention of the pionic party, and the banks were soon lined with interested spectators. Jack and Ted, heedless of everything save each other's existence, fought on like maniacs. . In vain the crowd shouted to them; they neither heard nor cared.

The duel must have continued until one or, other of them was Jiorsde combat, had not Jim, in a moment of inspiration, pfo-curedahoat-liookfroman adjoining cottape, viti; T/hirh. he. lioo^e-l the combatant/who first floumlirod roiioi:. This happened to be Ted, and he was fislied out of the water by main force, amid the cheers and laughter of the onlookers. Jack had tto al^np^tivt.jfcut .to foUoy, st^epighjy.

The curtain must now in charity be drawn upon the crestfallen rivals. They both lost Ethel. She, to put an end to her perilous adventures, married another fellow.