Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5409, 9 November 1895, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

Query: Do ghosts talk in dead hn. gUBgBBP A Tender Feeling — That of a re^ly good beefsteak. ■.'•'. .v ,< Visitor : "What on earth is that horrible shrieking noise f " ■ Boatman ; ,f li'« that there steamer a-blowing of her syringe." . . . :■■....' .... •: . .<•. Some people spend one-half their tiae in hunting for happine** away from, home, and the other half in ttampfng.backrhome to and it. : : : ■ ; : : .iJT It is said that in South America wheat is grown at a height of twomUeiabov«.sea | level, bat, of course, the etatement iniy be taken cum graino. " •;•.,". Firat Wayfarer.- «Butif you're t, Dublin man, how came you to be born in Cork P" Second Ditto .:, " Shure, it was just tnisr I | was staying there at the toime." ■ '. „ " Don't you," said the pious landlady to the boarder, "believe that all! fl««hi is grass ?" "No," hesitated . the boarder* M he took another hold on his knife, " I think Borne of it is leather." Superintendent of Insane Atytam t "What's that woman howling about?.** Attendant: "She doesn't like her etrajtjacket." "Dobb she want it taken off P" "Yes, ahe wanta one with pnffed riWTef/' " I have here a letter direoted to the prettiest woman in the house,''. annotiboed the chairman of a woman's rights meeting. Fonr reporters on the front seat were trampled to death in the rush for the platform. . "It's hard to tell ju«t what the public wants," said the theatre manager, with a sigh. "It hasn't struck me thatwiy," replied the treasurer. "It seems painfully easy to me. In nine oases out' of tea it wants its money back." A number of old cannons are to . be melted down and converted into a statue of General Boberts. To the - billiardplayer the association of Roberts and cannons will be a familiar one. but to the aoldier there is nothing oue-riw« about it. .■;■■' ; v ■* Smith : "Who is that lady with the ps}e blue dress P She's a beauty." jToj^if t " That is Mrs Tomkins— an awfully olerilr woman. Makes a splendid wif e-ron* in a hundred. Smith: "Good gracious! Ton don't mean to tell me that her hnskandii a Mormon P" Hojack: "I fell in lore with a woman editor, and when I offered myself she taada a moat singular reply." Tomdik : "What was it?" Hojack; "She said myjtfjeotion did not imply «. laok of merit, but she had muoh more matter of the same sort .op hand than she could hope to use in a lottfe time." . 7; He : "I am very unfortunate j it seenis I oan please nobody." She: "Comf, cheer up; I have no one to admires**, either." He: "Tell yon what—letfe found a sooiety for mutual admiration. I, for instance, admire your beautiful eyes* and what do you admire in me P " ■ She t " Tour good taßte." ' , v He was a lively fellow and fond of her,; but it didn't occur to him that cv girl expected something else besides going to plaoeß and having fun all the time. " Anything on hand this evening P" heaand, coming breezily in, for the sixth time that week. "Well, no." she replied hedbftfc. ingly, and she looked down at her empty fingen. .

A Btory is told of a certain commitUw. meeting in whioh the proceeding! v <yrat» menoed with noise and gradually euipia uproarious. At last one of the disputiiste, losing all control over hi* emotitoni, > «x---olaimed to his opponent : " Sir, you are, I think, the biggest acs that I over bad Wie misfortune to set eyes' upon!" "Order, order!" said the chairman, gravely. "You seem to forget that! am in the room! "