Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4996, 7 July 1894, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

Oversight-— An eyebrow. In a Tight Box— Sardineß. A Tame Affair— A menagerie, Feminine Athletics— Jumping at husbands.

Everyone is anxionß to help the man who. doesn't need it.

A man never realizes his worth until he iB sued for breaoh of promise. Syms: "Poor Robinson, I'm told, was killed by hard drink." Smyles:," Ypb, he waa struok on the head with a cake of ice."

Tommy .* " Uncle, what's prohibition P" Uncle (who comes from Maine) : "A law that prevents men. from getting good liquor, Tommy." There ie less misery in being cheated than in that, kind of wisdom which perceives, ot think it perceives, that all mankind are oheate.

He : " Mies Oldgirl is a Belf-posseßSed Woman, don't you think P" She : "Naturally she is self -posaesied, aince no man would possess her under any consideration."

The wife of a well-known politician keepa a scrap-book, in which she pastes all the uncomplimentary paragraphs printed about her husband. They come in handy for quotation at times.

" Do you know Mrs Ferguson has pneumonia, and ie not expected to live P" "No! How's that?" "Well, she got her feet wet going round to find tha cheapest place .to buy a pair of goloahes."

Magistrate (severely) : " How could you, be so mean as to swindle people who put confidence in youP" Prisoner: "Well, yer honour, I'll make it worth something to ye if you'll tell me how to woik them aa don't."

"Yes, sir, ever since he married that wealthy heiress be haa led a regular dog's life." "I hope that will be a warning to — — " " He- has, in fact, nothing to do but eat, drink, sleep and Bubmit to being caressed."

"All. the teen run after beauty," she eaid. "I do not think so," he answered} " if they did you would have a crowd after yon all the. time." He stayed pretty lata but Bhe never once yawned nor looked at the clock. '"■;..-.■

Mrs Isaacs: " Vake up, Isaac— a burglar istryin* to get in!" Mr Isaacs: "Veil, vait till he .opens der vindow, undt den I shoot." Mrs Isaacs : "Vy don't you shoot now ?" Mr Isaacs: "Vat— undt break a bane of glass P "

Firet ßallet Girl: "I hear your salary haa been raised. How did you succeed in touching the manager P" Second Ballet Girl : "He found out I uaed to go to school with his grandmother, and it awakened tender memories."

Jeweller: "I have shown you all the rings I have suitable for a daughter twelve years old." Mrs Bosser : " Well, I have changed my mind now. I'll think I'll wait till she's fifteen." Jeweller i " All right. Take a chair."

"Now, Mr Jones," Baid the cordial hostess, " I want you to behave jußt as you do when you are at home, and make yourself perfectly comfortable. " Well, if he does," put in Mrs Jones, " I shan't stay here a minute. I've come away for a reat."

Hones: "What have you raised that young bookkeeper's salary for ? Don't you know that the youug spendthrift squanders all his salary giving presents to Borne girl he's infatuated withP" Bones: "Of course I do. The girl's my daughter."

Mrs Fangle: "Why didn't you ring tho dinner bell, Bridget ? " Bridget: "I couldn't foind any, ma'am." Mrß Fangle * " Why, if a on the dining-room sideboard." Bridget : " Och ! An' iB it that one it is. An' yereilf tould me last noight as that was the breakfa' bell."

Sentry (who has had striot orders to. prevent anyone, crossing the field): "No one to pass here, mum." The General's wife (who wants to take a short cut) : "Da you know who I am?" Sentry: "No, madam, I do not know who you are; but I know you are not the General's cow, and nobody else is permitted to walk on this grass ! "