Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4715, 5 August 1893, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

"Do you play cards?" "No." "BilliardsP" "No." "Do you bowl P" "No." "Go to the theatre P r ' "Never." " Then I am sure you oan lend me sdols 1 " , Tanglefoot: "Oh, isn't this waltz divine P" Miss Smilaxj " Well, perhaps it is divine; but it happens to be a polka instead of a waltz, and tbe sooner your feet are acquainted with the faot tbe better we are likely to get along." She : "It can hardly be questioned that every woman is more or lets of a mindreader." He: "Do you think you oould read mineP" She: "I'd really rather not. Mamma is a little particular as to. the oharaoter of my reading." The Boston poet who wrote about olasping "the two tremulous hands" of his, lady love, and caw it in print "the two tremendous bauds "—this is a foot—will Commit suicide as soon as he can find ft dry spot in the river where the water isn't cold.'":-.' Probably the meanest thief ever caught is Louis Bourgard, of Paris, who recently while riding in a cab, ripped open tha cushions, tied tbe horsehair into a paroeL sold it while the cab waited for him, and* with the money procured from selling his' " plunder " paid the cabman his fare. ; Passer-by (to Tommy, who haß just been fighting) : ." Wouldn't your father thrash you if he knew you had been 'fighting P " Tommy: "WeU, tbat depends. If the other boy licked me, pa would thrash met but if I lioked the other boy, pa would just say 'I wouldn't fight if I wero yon Tommy.'" . It » meeting of the Lockerbie Free Church Presbytery, the Rev William Howe, minister of Ecclefecban,. excused himself for not sending in a report on the reli**. gionand morals" of his parishioners, o$ the ground that "there ie neither religion nor morals in the district." ThiaTs a pretty sort of account to hear of Cwrlyle's ' native place ! ' Mother: "Tommy, I hear you got ft thrashing at sohool to-day P" Tommy t, " Yes, ma, the teacher whipped me i buf he is getting old and weak, so that it didn't, hurt much." '■"Did you cry P** "Oh, yes. I bawled so you could hay* heard it in the next block." "Why did you do that P" "I wanted to make the old man feel happy." One of the Irish Nationalist* met Colonel Saiindereon, M.P.,/ and— so the story rune— entered into amicable convert sation with him. " Sure now, Colonel, and ! why are you so pertinaoious against 'Home. Rule? We'll no sooner have a Parliament of our own than yell be sure to rise to the top of the tree." " That's true for jtou/* replied the Colonel; "I should indeed. I'm thinking I'd be dragged there with a bit of rope round my neck ! " M. Dv Manner's lateat contribution to Harper' 8 is entitled "Equal to the Occasion," and represents a group of fashionable folk inspecting a pioture in an artist* s studio. The dialogue to which the scene gives rise is as follows :—" Mrs Gush-: ington: 'Oh ! oh! what a lovely— lovely pioture! So true— so * * *!' Artist »: ' Wait a bit, Mrs Gußhington ; if s wrongside up; let me put it right firat.' •- (Does so). Mrs Guehington (unabashed) i 'Oh! oh! oh! Why, that way it's even mora lovely stiU !'" Dr Peddie, of Edinburgh, on one occasion waß presented by the ladies of his congregation with a pulpit gown. The dootor, on the Sunday after it was presented, intimated to the people in the ohurch— "The ladies have beeu kind enough to present: me with a pulpit gown; bnt, lest any; member Bhould objeot to my wearing it/I: shan't put it on yet, and will hear objections on Thursday night." Nobody : came! to object but one old lady. The dootor said, " Well, Janet, what objections have youto the pulpit gown P" "Aweel. sir,"; said Janet, "we never read o' the Aposfle Paul wearing a gown." The dootor rejoined, "You are quite right, Janet; but we never read of St Paul wearing breaks.**, That satisfied the old lady.