TABLE TALK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7270, 16 September 1891, Page 2

TABLE TALK.

[FROM OtTR LONDON CORBKBPONDENT.] London, July 31.

A HUMOROUS CAMPAIGN.

The Liberal victory at Wisbech is a smashing blow for the Conservatives, as this part of Cambridgeshire has alwaya been staunch Tory, and Mr Brand did not appear to have the remotest chance of defeating a local magnate like his adversary. So certain were Mr Duncan'B supporters of his return, that they absolutely ordered a dinner and invited a number of guests to celebrate it. Mrs Brand was in the habit of enlivening her hu&band's meetings by singing a ballad occasionally (generally the well-known " Off to Philadelphia") between the speeches. Thiß custom, for some reason, gave great offence to the Torieß, and many were the delicate shafts of satire levelled at the fair lady. The Conservative newspaper made what appeared to be a great hit at the moment, by publishing a parody on " Off to Philadelphia," in which the public were informed that when the poll was declared the Brands themselves would very quickly be " off to Philadelphia in the morning." The humour of this ditty is not so apparent now as it was then. The Duncanites indeed confess themselves intensely chagrined. IEIBH AFFAIRS. The retirement of Mr Justin M'Carthy from the Chairmanship of the Irish National Party has been postponed till the commencement of next Beesion, when Mr Dillon will (it is all but decided) replace

him, and a determined effort be made to reorganise the demoralised rankß. This session the subsidised Patlanders have been principally conspicuous by absenoe. At the general election the Nationalists intend replacing these men with candidates who can afford Parliament, English Home Rulers, if Irish ones possessing the requisite means cannot be found. The Eedmonds have returned from the States quite convinced that Parnell is no longer a name to conjure with, and if they could now persuade "Mr Pox" to abandon the struggle and restore peace to I disunited Ireland by retiring, it is believed they would do so. The Nationalists stoutly declare Mr Parnell a marriage has done him more harm than good everywhere. Thousands, | they say, clung to the belief that, despite j a PP e aranceß and the divorce case, there I r,t ß^°^ mg .^ iminal in ">« I»i«h leader's friendship with MrsO'Shea. The marriage of the pair has, of course, destroyed thin

T /i^BANDOWn CHURCHILL. ™ E , a ° do 'P h Churchill's enemies are DaalTc ? c W^ 1 * °™ his letters to the Daily Graphic. Some people do not «eem *° *l e ,, ab ! 0 t«> avoid "giving themeelvee away i n their correspondence. Lord Kandolph ia one of these unfortunates, iiis otherwise commonplace epistles teem with indications of his little peculiarities, and these peculiarities do not pourfcray him as a particularly amiable or large-minded individual. Hie groans over the most commonplace discomforts of travel are continuous, and make one wonder why the man ever set out on such an expedition. In the Transvaal exceptional pains were taken to provide the distinguished stranger with Sice things to eat The hosts of the various mne he paraed-cn route to Johannesburg S^mw* rowa !i d r ed tho "» with growls and grumbl ngs. After describing what wan evidently a sumptuous repast for the country, he says :-« Quantity was there, * U ui D °r suali5 ualit y- After rising from the table I felt as if I would gladly give a gold-mine m Mashonaland for twelve minutes at the Amphitryon." The Amphitryon I may explain, ie the great gourmets' dining Club, a place where you can t sit down to any description of meal much under two guineas. Lord Randolph was one of its founders.

BTANLKT. Talking of African travelling remindß me that Stanley, who is travelling in Switzerland with his wife, slipped and broke his ankle while outwalking last Saturday. He is getting better, but it must, perforce, be a slow business, and may possibly delay the Btart for Australia a bit.

MIBB BALFOUR ON IRELAND. The feature of the August magazines is, without doubt, Mies Bal four's article in Murray's on her recent Irish tour. The lady is as clear and incisive with her pen as her brother is with his tongue, and the striking picture she draws of the forlorn population of the west coast will not easily be forgotten. It reads, the Times remarks, more like a passage from one of the eighteenth century Euglish travellers amongst the Highlands and Islands of Scotland. This is, of course, because they are a hundred years or more behind the times. "Rooted among thoir rocks and bogs undei the weeping Atlantio skies," as the St James putß it, "they have Btood still whilst the rest of the population ot the kingdom have advanced. The people of the islands have only just emerged from mediroval paganism. They are still in 8 more than mediroval condition of ragß, dirt, squalor and disease." The Bad state of these poor folk haß, as both Mr and Miss Balfour recognised, nothing to do with landlordism or politics in any form. The people are suffering because they are nmerably poor, and because they have been bound down to a hopeless labour on a soil too barren to sustain them by agriculture alone. "It iB," sayß Misfl Balfour, "a case for the physician, not the moralist ; for the relievingofficer, not the politician." Mr Balfour speedily recognised this, and it is satisfactory to learn that relief works have already been set going in many o£ the dreariest districts.

«' Sure ma'am if it hadn't been for the famine last winter we should havo starved," explained a true son of Erin to tbe Chief Secretary's Bister, and Irish though this sounds it was a fact. But for the famine this forlorn coast might have esoaped notice till too late.

ABOUT AN ARCHBISHOP.

In some reminiscenot b of Dc Tait, in Longman's, A.K.H.8., tells the following good story. On one of his latest vißite to a Scotch country house the Archbishop went alone to tho village post office to send a telegram to his brother. He wrote it out, "The Archbishop of Canterbury to Sheriff Tait." The sceptical old Postmaster read it aloud in contemptuous tones. " The Archbeeßhopof Canterbury, indeed," and added, " Wha may ye be that take thin cognomen ?" Dr Tait, taken aback, Baid nothing. The morning was cold, and he had an nnclerical-looking woollen comforter round his neck. But the Postmaster's eyes strayed to hiß Grace's apron* &0., and, in a different tone, he said, "Maybe ye're the gentleman himael ?'*' " For want of a better I am," replied the Archbishop. Whereupon the good old S"ot apologised for his suspicions, adding, " I might have seen you were rather consequential about the lege." Then he spoke some words of cheer, which Tait truly said were vitally Scotch—" I have a son in London, a lad in a shop, and he gaed to hear ye preach ono day, and (with emphasis) was verra weel patisfoed." THB FRUITS OF THEOSOI'HY. If anything could make the large-hearted and clear-headed Bradlaugh turn in hia grave it would, I should think, be the knowledge that Mrs Beßant haa renounced the Malthußian principles which he and she propagated so boldly and suffered for so terribly. Such, however, is the fact. In Lucifer for August Mrs Besant recants, announcing that Bhe has stopped the Bale of the notorious "Fruits of Philosophy" and of her own " Law of Population," and moans henceforward to teach the exact contrary to what she has taught up to now. Mrs Beeant'a change of mind is entirely dne to her new theosophioal ideas, and her reasons are not economic. What a strange thing it seems that the woman who for years unsparingly ridiculed Christianity as gross superstition Bhould now herself have fallen a victim to the theosophic hocus-pocus and the gospel ■'< In, Blavatsky. RECENT TRIALS. Who will say Captain V>rney has been insufficiently punished P Under the will of his late uncle, Mr Calvert, Q.C., he would, in th« ordinary course of things, have inherited over £100,000. After hia conviction this bequest was revoked, and now neither tho misguided officer nor his unfortunate children benefit to the value of sixpence. It seomß hard on the children, doesn't it ?

The audience which assembled at the Aquarium on Thursday afternoon, to hear the heroine of the Hurlbert caee hold forth on the subject of her wrongs, wasoE a surprißingly attenuated character. The fact is, once public interest in a nine days* wonder lapses, it takes a lot of waking up again. Miss Gladys Evelyn recapitulated at length the leading points of her case, roundly asserting, of course, that Hurlbert and Murray were one. This, the Times points out. affords Mr Hurlbert an opportunity of prosecuting the lady for criminal libel* I scarcely imagine, however, he will avail himself of it. The ex-editor of the New York. World told a curious reporter the other day that he did not contemplate returning to Europe till the weather cooled or (as the liner rudely put it) "the atmosphere grew less sultry." Wise man!