GUTTING THE FISH.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5220, 28 January 1885, Page 4

GUTTING THE FISH.

One evening, a red-headed Connaught swell, of no small aristocratic pretensions in his own eyes, sent his servant, whom he had just imported from the long-horned kingdom, in all the rough majesty of a creature fresh from the "wilds," to purchase a hundred of oysters on the City quay. Paddy staid so long away,, that Squire Trigger got quite impatient and unhappy lest his " body man " might have slipped into the Liffey ; however, to his infinite relief, Paddy soon made his appearance, puffing and blowing like a disabled bellows, but carrying his load seemingly in great triumph. " Well, Pat," cried the master, "what the devil kept you sc long ?" " Long ! ah thin, may be it's what you'd have me to come home with half my arrant?" says Pat. "Half the oysters ?" says the master. " No ; but too much of the fish," says Pat. "What fish ?" cays he. " The oysters, to be sure," says Pat. "What do you mean, blockhead? saya he. "I mean," saya Pat, "that there was no use in loading myself with more nor was useful." " Will you explain yourself," says he. " I will," says Pat, laying down his load. " Well, then, you see, plaise your honour, as I was coming home along the quay, mighty peaceable, who should I meet but Shammus Maginus : ' Good morrow, Shaniien/ sis I ; ' Good morrow, kindly, Paudeen,' sis he ; ' What is it you have in the sack ?' si 3 he; f A hundred of oysters/ sis I ; ' Let us look at them,' sis he ; ' I will, and welcome,' sis I ; ' Orrah ! thunder and pratees !' sis he, opening the sack, and examinin them, who sowld you these ?' ' One Tom Kinahan that keeps a small ship there below,' sis I ; 'Mush* then, bad luck to that same Tom that sowld the likea to you/ sis he ; ' Arrah, whyavick?' sis I; 'Toniakeabolsourovyou an give them to you without guttin' thim/ sis he ; 'An arn't they gutted, Jim, aroon/ sis I ; ' Oh ! bad luck to the one o' thim/ sis he ; ' Musha then/ sis I, ' what the dhoul will I do at all at all? fur the master will be mad ;' 'Do !' sis he, ' why I'd rather do the thing for you mysel, nor you should lose your place/ sis he ; so wid that he begins to gut them wid his knife, nate and clam ; an afeered ov dirtying the flags, begor, he swallowed the guts himself from beginnin to md, tal he had thim as dacent as you see thim here" — dashing down at his master's feet his bag of oystershells, to the no small amazement of the Connaught worthy, as you may suppose.