A GREAT WAR CORRESPONDENT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4564, 9 December 1882, Page 3

A GREAT WAR CORRESPONDENT.

«> [The Referee."} Office of o London Daily Paper.— Editor's Boom. {Editor and late War Corretpondent, Mr Jones, together.) Editob— Weil, Mr Jones, back from your holiday. I thought you'd like a change after the Egypt business. Enjoyed youraelf P Jokbs— Yes. What did you write me to come home for ? Where's the war ? Editob— War, dear boy ! There'* no war % only we're busy. Press of matter just now, and I thought you'd bo useful to us. There's this murder case. Now, we can do with a pioturoßque intro. every morning, and L thought Jonkb— (leaping up, hit eyet flashing, hit ; nostrils dilated, cj'e.) — You don't mean that you are going to ask me — me who, stormed at by ehot and Bhell rode like a horo right up to 1 the ramparts of ''01-el-Kebir; me, who ' caught cannon-bit U' in my hand and tossed ; them from me vrh childish gleo, and had ' seven horses she : ruler me at onco, and still ' wrote on! — you don't mean to say you ate ' going to ask me tj be a police court reporter, ' sir! Editob— Jonea — my dear Jones ! -••— Jones— Don't interrupt me, sir! What 1 would Sir Garnet— what would the .British' ' army think of this outrage ? ABk the Duke ' of Connaught, by whose side I rode and ! whom I dofendod— from a mosquito — with my life's blood. It bit me in the hand I whisked it from his nose with. ABk Hid ' Royal Highneßi, sir, if I am the man for a 1 police court reporter. ' Editob— Jones, bo calm, dear Jones. Don't kick up Buch a row. Look ! there's a 1 mob outside in Floet Btreot. Jonbs — (pacing the room) — What do I care ' for mobs ? I'll appeal to the mob. By heaven, sir, you have insultod a horo— one of whom his country is proud. (Breaks down ' and weeptx) Editob— Look horo, Jones, old fellow, don't do that— you make me jolly unooinfortablo. Don't sob like that, Jones. (Soothes him) There— thore— he shan't be a nasty polioa court reporter, lie shan't. Did 'umi want to make him one, thon P Horo, you shall go and do the thieves' supper to-night. Uow will that suit you ? Jonbs (leaping up again)— What ! a thieves' supper— me! Do you know, sir, that whon I wns in 3 r gypt I sat at tho Khedive's right hand— that banquets wero given in my honour, and that if 1 didn't eat heartily tho cook was bow'strung ? How dnro you ask one that lias dined with the Khodivo, and lunched with tho duke and tho oflicors of tho Guards, to go to a.thievea' euppor ? How daro - ■-- Kditob — Ono moment, Jonea j bofore you kill me, hear me. la it popfcible that you did rido into tho thick of the fight nnd dine with tho KhediTO ? Jonks— What, eir ! didn't you read your own papor during tho war ? Fjhtob — Yea j but — hang i\, ull, old man, I d.dn't iznogino for a moment it was all tnu-. Jonkb— Well, I'm ]• DiTon— Hush ! Mr Jonoß, I apologise. I ! :: ino idea what a diptirpuißhcd individual vou wero— a horo, tho friend of princes, the Ijrijor of generals. I'm torry, though, to hoar that you are to. 1 imagined it wub your talent m a journalifft thai enabled you to invout all thoas things. Now 1 find you simply doscribed what ocourred. As n licrci you oro groat, but as u journalist I don't think much of you. Jonks (calmuiq down) — But, governor — jhuirou (iini.nny wroth) — Hnnp il-» air! the moro 1 think of it tho morn v riignant I become. You wrro only u n.'|n»rtor, then, after all, and I thought, you vtoro a man of brilliant inrention. 1 thought it. you we had. il talented ur(i>t wlio in need rouM havo dono our ''crt, war in Flrpt stron!.. Vou uro nn i'.-o i-^r, Hir ! Hero's tliroo months (alary, ii ..i ,;(•!, <)';' ! Jonkh (uiom-i'f-' J !i/) — ' t:d (liin ie tho r"wimi ni h'.rciS'. ! I will go »v.d lecture in Aniericii, <.nd Bhi".'-- ' in' (Mn-o-IMiU (lnvtwHH » x'rH'^'d from \u\ r':\< tl ul.t- Mm ':u'<!o of •JVI-01-Knlur. (<;a',s)