Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4428, 4 July 1882, Page 4

THE END OF AMEBIGAN HUMOUB. : «. One by one the American humourists are dropping into the sere and yellow. In these times of disaster by sea and land, murders, suicides, and divoroes, we are thankful for the same. Bailey, of the D anbury News, ia heard of no more. Spoopendyke occasionally breaks out into a temporary rash, but the Brooklyn Eagle humourist has evidently teen his bent days. The Detroit Free Press man now and then gives a faint kiok,but hit antics are more funereal than mirthful. Hang out the sign, auction of the effects ef the groat American humourist, and let them passjnto the hands of the next generation of buffoons. Item —A storepipo, much used by Jester Bailey. Item — A mulo, common property of all the arnfy of paragraphers, Item — A mother-in-law, much worn from frequent use. Item — A front stoop, from which thousands of young men have been ejected by hundreds of tho clowns of the pen. Item — The old man's boots, the lover, the gate, the bulldog, tho ice cream saloon, &c, 4c, &c. Take them away.. Oast the rubbish, into the woodyard, but inter the humourist's remains with his tools, for without them ho is like a rudderless boat, a shattered eoblet, a sucked orange, a pantaloon minus mask and spangles. The hides of all the cats in America would be worth £2,000,000 to commerce. And it's a fearful shame to have bo much property lying idio. Bespeot everybody's feelings, even your washer woman's. However much you may want to know her address, never ask where ehe hangs out ?" Most of the oritica who have read Tennyson's latest poem, " The Oharge of the Heavy Brigade," think ib has earned for him the title of lower-rato instead of laureate. Mrs Fonsonby de Tomkyns : " Thafc lady was evidently intended by Nature for a Chinese, Sir Charles ! I wonder who she can be ?" Sir Oharles : " She happens to be my sister, Lady Plantagenet de la Zouohe. May I ask why you think Nature intended her for a Chinese ?" Mrs Fonsonby de Tomkyns (equal, as usual, to the emergency): " hhe struck me as having such exquisitely small feet!"

Thames btbbbt Industbibs, by Percy Bussell. This Illustrated Pamphlet on Perfumery, &c, published at 6d, may be had gratis from any Chemist in the World, or John GosKßti & Co., London.— [Advt.] Thh Philobofht op Lifb.— The ouSdoor air contains all the oxygen necessary for life ; if one more proportion was added it would become aqua fortis. Animal food has as much lime, water, phosphorus, and iron as the system can appropriate, but it is in vain to look to the prevention of consumption and other diseases except in a vigorous digestion. The phosphatic acid contained b the Moon Brand Baking Powder promotes digestion, bread made with it helps to build up mutele, bone, and flesh. Wholesale agentß— Messrs Gould and Co., Ohristchurch. — [Advt,]

Bneincs a Wotioeo Xmpobtant dale, Great Surplus Stock. IMPORTANT SALE. Great Olearanoe. IMPORTANT SALE. Everything Beduood. PABIB HOUSE. PABIB HOUiE. . PABIB HOUSE. IMMENSE SEDUCTIONS. Millinery Half-price. IMMENSE SEDUCTIONS. Mantles and Ulsters below cost price. IMMENSE SEDUCTIONS. All Fancy Goods Sacrificed. JMLBS Jb BANK JL OBTEB Has no Old Stock. MBS FBANK POBTEB Sale to continue Four Weeks. MBS FBANK POBTEB Cash During Sale. 9027 INTEBNATIONAL EXHIBITION, Christohurch, N.Z. THBEE Highest Awards— Silver medaifl. One Second Award — Bronza medal, with Certificate of Gold Modal for extra merit, were given to SCOTT BBOTHEES, BAILWAY FOUNDBY, Manchester street, Ohristchurch. For thoir oxhibits of COOKING BANGES, Ornamental CaGtings, &c, &c. Thohighoßt claßa goods at the lowest possi« bio prico is tho rulo of our business. — S.B. 5965