MORCEAUX.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 3654, 27 December 1879, Page 3

MORCEAUX.

« A bachelor's house should havo no Eves. Pleasing Ims bandry— Plunting kiggee. " Whole hug op none," as tho young fellow raid to his betrothed who was inclined lo flirfc. "Administering lead through a tube" Is what tho papers call it in Michigan when one person shoots another. Boots.—" Eight o'clock, surr!" Voice (from (ho deeps).—" Why did not ye till me that before, confound you !" Distracted mother: "If you children make Mich a noise I shall go out of my mind." Young Kip : 'Go on, mother ; I'll mixid the }oung 'uns while you're gone." " I have a love letter," said the aerranfc to her mistress. " Will ye rade it to mo? And hero is some cotton wud yo stuff in jer ears wlioilo yo rude it ? " " This ij tho maiden all forlorn," who offcea wished she had never been born, ned turned up her noeo in petulant scorn at the girl who last season's hat had worn. Many » woman dusts billiard chalk off her husband's coat, and a big tear stands in her oyo us ehe thinks how lato he work* at night at his desk by the whitewashed wall. Old lady (on donkey)— " Boy, boy, isn't that viiry dangerous ?'" Boy — «•' Wetry dangerous, indeed, mann ; there was a lady a ridin 1 up hero last year, and the donkey fell, and tho lady were chuked over the cliff and killed." Old lady — " Good gracious ! was the donkey killod too?" Boy— "No, mann; that's tho werry donkey." Magistrate: "It seems, prisoner, that you took fifteen ponce from tho prosecutor's till. Now, I put it to you seriously : was it worth your while to risk your character, your liberty, your wholo future, for such a trillo?" Prisonor: "Certainly not, your Wonbip; but I did not know there was not more in we till— l took all there was."

"How much for a pear?" he a?k >tl, and with a chuckle paid the three cents d< munded. Then came the joke. " I only took a, ink," be .said, exliibiting two of tLe articles. And what a satisfied grin that punster slarted away with!" "All right," shouted tho huckster to him, "pears are only a cent a piece, but I knowed you'd he up to some dodge. You keep the joke, old buster, and FU keep the extra cent." HOXEOWAT'S OtNTMBIST AND P1L1.8.~-A» spring approaches a moet favourable onporfcunity offers for rectifying irregularities, removing imparities, and eraaing blemishes which have arisen from, the presence of matters forbad by winter from beiug tranpptred threußh the porea. This scarohing Ointment, well rubbed noon the ekin, ponetratea to the deeply-fleatcd organ?, upon which it exert* a moet wholesome and beneficial influence. Weil nigh all tho indigestions give way to this simple treatment, aided by purifying and aperitive doeea of Holloway's Pills, round each box of which plain " instructions" are folded. Bilious disorders, loss of appetite, fuineaa after eatiug, lassitude, gout, and rheumatism may be effectively checked in their painful progress, and the seeds of long Buffering eradicated by these remedies.