A QUACK DOCTOR IN OFFICE.
Mr Jitbez Pillsbury, a New York quack dootor, thus writes to the editor of tho American Union newspaper:-^" l've got an offis. In considorashun of my loyulty to this Guvment, and owin to the Fast that every State where my Pills have been sold have jest elected Union men to offis (thereby showin the moral at well as flzzykal efekts of my onrivalled meddjßin), the Govment has appointed me to an offis. I have been appointed Fizziker in Ohief to tho Eastern Department, with full powers to dote all United States cityzens within the limits of my deportment, lunatiks and mdividools of the ' Afrioan persuaeion' oxceptid, and the writ of Habyas Korus has been suspended in order that I needn't be interfered with in my doins. Tho curus roeder may ask, ♦ Why air lunatiks arid kullercd persons ovcoptid from tho gineral fiazikyP 1 To which pertynent quoition I reply as folleW: — In regard to lunatiks, the Guvment is of opinion that by takin my Pills they wood be instantanaoiously restored to their, 'right Mind/ and as that wood throw the flzzyshuns of all Insane Asylumi out of employment, and
render them lyablo to boounv' town paupers (for who ever know a salarid flzzyshun to bo good for onnytbing exooptin to diaw his sallerjV, on that akounfc lunatiks aro oxomptid from the general fizzik, but not so much out of, sympathy for their doktors as on akount of the increased expense to tho State, for eaUoild flzzysbuns aro big feeders, and liko to sport good olothes and gold-heddcd oanes. Then etin, tho Guvmont h in doubt whothor lunatic can boar to bo roetored to Rooson immojuntly, and questions whether they won't abuse their Rjeson unless it is gin t>'om graduelly j and tho Gument, not boliovin bein ?n a hurry about onnything, konoludos to lot insane indfvidools howl on a while longer. But I think tho Guvmont ovorratos tho vartoos of my Pille, overwhelmingly efektiyo though they air. I know that the Sokrotary of tho Knavey has took a box of my Pills, and it is notorious that he does biznis in tho same Insane stile as ho did before takin' om. I mentioned this fakt 1 5 the Guvment, but tho Guvmont replied by sayin ' that was an oxtreme case, and that there was ' exoopßhuns to all gineral rules.' "
A QUACK DOCTOR IN OFFICE.
Star (Christchurch), Issue 2431, 7 January 1876, Page 3
No known copyright (New Zealand)
To the best of the National Library of New Zealand’s knowledge, under New Zealand law, there is no copyright in this item in New Zealand.
You can copy this item, share it, and post it on a blog or website. It can be modified, remixed and built upon. It can be used commercially. If reproducing this item, it is helpful to include the source.
For further information please refer to the Copyright guide.
Log in