ALL ABOUT ICE CREAM.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 2346, 25 September 1875, Page 3

ALL ABOUT ICE CREAM.

(Detroit JFV«e Press.) He slipped into an ice-cream saloon very softly, and when the girl asked him what he) wanted, he replied : " Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles, and mince pie." " This it not a restaurant, this it an ice-cream parlour," she said. " Then why did you ask me what I wanted for ? Why didn't yon bring on your ice cream ?"

Sbe went after it, and as the returned he continued:

" You tee, my dear girl, you must infer— you must reason. It isn't likely that I would come into an ice-cream parlour to boya grindstone, is it? You didn't think I came in here to ask if you had any baled hay, did you P" Sbe looked at him in great surprise, and he went on :

"HI owned a hardware store and you came in, I would infer that you came for something in my line, I wouldn't step out and ask if yon wanted to boy a mule, would I ?"

Sbe went away highly indignant. An old lady was devouring a dish of cream at the next table, and the stranger, after watching her for a moment, called out : "My dear woman, have you found any hairs or buttons in your dish ?" "Mercy! no!" sbe exclaimed, at she wheeled round and drooped her spoon. " Well, I'm glad of it !" he continued. " If you find any just let me know." She looked at him for half a minute, picked up tbe spooa, laid it down again, ancf then rose up and left the room. Bhe must have said something to the proprietor, for he came running in and exclaimed : " Did you tell that woman that there were hairs and buttons in my ice oream ?" " No, sir."

"You didn't?"

" No, sir, I did not ; I merely requested her, in case she found any such ingredients, to inform me!"

" Well, sir, that was a mean trick."

"My dear sir," sjrid tbe stranger smiling softly, "did yon expect me to ask the woman if she bad found a crow-bar or a sledgehammer in her cream ? It is impossible, sir, for such articles to be hidden away in such small dishes."

The proprietor went away, growling, and ts the stranger quietly supped away at his cream two young ladies came io, sat down near him, and ordered some cream and cakes. He waited until they had eaten a little, and then he remarked :

. " Beg pardon, ladies, but do you observe anything peculiar in the taste of this cream ?"

They tasted, smacked their lips, and were not certain.

" Does it taste to you as if a plug of tobacco had fallen into tbe tretxtr ?" he ailed. " Ab ! kah !" they exclaimed, dropping their spoons and trying to spit out what they had eaten. Both rushed out, and it wasn't long before the proprietor rushed in. " See here, what in biases are you talking about !" he demanded. " What do you mean by plug tobacco in the freezer ?" " My kind friend, I asked the ladies if this cream tasted of plug tobacco. I don't taste, and I don't believe you used a bit of tobacco in it!"

" Well, you don't want to talk that way around here !" continued the proprietor. My ice cream is pure, and the man who says it isn't tells a bold lie !"

He went away again, and a woman with • long neck and a sad face tat down and said to the girl that sbe would take a small dssh of lemon ice.

It was brought, and sbe had taken about two monthf uls when the stranger inquired : . " Excuse me, madam, bat do you know how this cream was made — have you any idea that they grated turnip and chalk with the cream P"

She didn't reply. She slowly rose up, wheeled around, and made for the door. The stranger followed after, and by great good lack his coat tails cleared tbe door an instant too soon to be struck by a five-pound box of figs, hurled with great force by the indignant proprietor. As he reached the curb-stone he halted, looked at the door of the parlour, and soliloquised : M There are times when people should infer, and there are times when they shouldn't. I suppose if I had asked that woman if she thought they hashed up a saw-mill in the cream she'd have felt a circular saw going down her throat."