Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 835, 30 January 1871, Page 3

Varieties.

In a storm at sea, the chaplain asked one of the crew if he thought there was any danger. "O yes," replied the sailor; "if it blows as hard as it does now, we shall all be in heaven before twelve o'clock at night." The chaplain, terrified at the expression, cried out, " The Lord forbid !" An old gentleman accused his servant, among other thefts, of having stolen his stick. The servant protested perfect innocence " Why, you know," rejoined the complainant," -" that the stick could never have walked off with itself." " Why not ?" said the attorney for the defence. " it was a walking-stick." A young nobleman, in a frightful railway accident, missed his valet. One of the guards came up to him and said:— "My lord, we have found your servant, but he's cut in two " "Aw, is he ?" said the young man, with a Dundreary drawl; « will you be kind enough to see in which half he has got the key of my carpet-bag ?" ' Somebody who has been studying Webster's new « unabridged " dictionary, expresses a regret that, the lexicographer's definition of the word " boil" had not met the eyes of the new version people before they translated the Book of Job, as it would have been so beautiful to say, instead of boils, « And Satan smote Job with circumscribed subcutaneous inflammations, characterised by pointed pustular tumour's, and' suppurating with central cores. ■ Sheridan, being condemned to spend a day or two at Mold, his misery suggested the following impromptu: — " Were I to curse the man I hate, From youth till I grow old, Oh, mght he be condemned by fate, To waste his days in Mold."