PEPPER PODS, BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 727, 21 September 1870, Page 3

PEPPER PODS, BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Marrying an angel iz the'poetry of marriage, but living with her iz the proze, and that iz all well enuff if the taste of the poetry hain't spilte our relish for the proze.

_+. If you hay got a spirited and noble boy, appeal to hi 3 generosity ; if you hay got a heavy and sullen one, appeal tew his back. A great menny ov our people go abroad tew improve their minds who hadn't got enny minds when they war at home ; knowledge, like charity, Bhould begin at home, then spred. Afflickshuns are the compliments that heaven pays to the virtewous. Noboddy but a phool will spend his time tricing tew convince a phool. Time is like money, the less we bey of it tew spare, the further we make it go. The tongue iB really a verry fast member ov the body politick ; he duz all the talking and two-thirds ov the thinking. There is menny a person who kan set a mouse trap tew perfecshun, but not satisfied with sich small game, undertake to trap for bears, and get ketched by the bears. Moral — Study your genious, and stick tew mice. "Let him go, mi son," sed an ancient father tew his boy, who had caught a young rabbit, " and when he gits bigger, ketch him agin." The boy did as he was told, and has been looking for that rabbit ever since. The world owes all its energy and refinement tew luxurys— digging roots for breakfast and going naked for clothes, is the virtewous innocence of a lazy savage. Thare is lots ov folks who eat well, and drink well, and sleep well, and yet are sick all the time ; these are the folks who alwuz enjoy poor health. A person with a little smattering ov learning is a good deal like a hen's egg that has been sot on a short time and then deserted by the hen — it ia spilte for hatching out ennything. Pride never forgets itself, never having play spell or frolik; it iz stiff from morning till night, from top tv bottom like a sled stake. *' People of good sense " are those whose opinyuns agree with ours. Thare is a great deal of magnificent poverty in our big cities— people who eat klam soup out ov a tin basin with a gold spoon. The place whar poverty, virtew and luv meet and worship together is the most sakred spot in this universe. Experience duz not make a man so bold as it duz careful. There ant but very little genuine good sense in this world ennyhow, and what little thare is ain't in market — it is held for a dividend. Those who have made up their minds tew lead a life of enjoyment will find the following recipe a grate help to them: — To one ounce of pleazure add a pound of repentance. Adversity iz a poultess which reduces our vanity and strengthens our virtew — even a boy never feels half so good as when he haz been spanked and sot away to cool. | Pedantry iz the science of inventin what little you know in one kind uv perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man's knoze whom yu meet. Lieing iz like tricing tew hide in a fog, if yu move about yure in danger of bumping jure hed agin the truth, and az soon az the fog blows oph yure gone ennyhow.