Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 478, 27 November 1869, Page 3

Varieties.

TXAdam was the only man who never tantalised hwjwife about " the way mother used to coolciJ A young lady of Montgomery, Alabama, was recently caught smoking a cigar, when she gave as a reason that it " smelt as if there was a man about.*' A gentleman the other day asked a young lady what she thought of the married state in general. " Not knowing, I can't tell," was the reply ; •' but if you and I were to put our heads together, I could soon give you a definite answer." A preacher who used notes had the misfortune to deliver a discourse — or rather, as the sequel will show, a portion of a discourse — in a breezy spot, of which rash act the consequence was that " thirdly " was missing. The embarrassed pastor repeated several times: "Thirdly, my brethren — thirdly." This lasted several minutes, till at last an excited old lady rose from her seat, and exclaimed: '* Thirdly went out of the window." What is the difference between a fiery individual and a slice of bacon? — Une is rash and the other is a rasher. What is the most becoming dress for bare earth ? — The skirt of wood. Where do poets dry their clothes ? — On their own " lines ?" VVhy are ladies out shopping like birds that are long on the wing ?— Because it ia a long time before they settle on their purchase (perches). We have more on hand, but the propriety of homoeopathic doses wili be admitted. A gentleman called to see a lady, and was told that she was out, although he saw the lady 'B head reflected in a mirror placed opposite to the open door. One hour after he met the lady at the house of a friend, and observed, "I called at your house just now, but did not have the pleasure of seeing you." " I ara very sorry, but I had to go out in great haste," was the reply. "I such great haste, madam, that I suppose you left your head behind you, as I saw it in the glass." " It is very possible, for I am so absent."