Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 467, 15 November 1869, Page 3

Varieties.

Why are bankrupts more to be pitied than idiots ? Because bankrupts are broken, while idiots are only cracked. A painter was employed to paint the name A. Blunden over a shop front, and having put the last letter r instead of n, was reprimanded for making " a blunder." An Irishman, describing a toad, said, " It was a queer bird. When it stood up,' it was no taller than when it sat down; and when it iew it went with a divil of a jolt." iCA drunken north countryman returning from a fair, fell asleep by the roadside, where a pig found him, and began to lick his mouth. Sawney roared out, " Wha's kissen me noo ? Ye see what it . is to be weel likit amang the lasßes." • The Paris Figaro says:-—" Two friends met the other day in the street. ' What a shocking bad hat you wear,' exclaimed one of^ them. fMy dear friend, I wear it only be cause I love my own liberty.' • But what on earth has your liberty to do wilh the lint ? ' • Oli, a great deal. My wife has sworn sho would never wnlk out with me as long as I should wear such a hat."' The prettiest actress in Paris caused a great fluttering in the breast of a rich foreigner. The other night he presented himself at her house, having taken the precaution to precede his arrival with a packet containing ten thousand franc notes. Her reception of him was charming and everything he could wish. On taking leave of the tender object of his passion, he' said, " Permit me to call again, some time, my dear child." "Are you, then, so very rich 7" asked the innocent, casting down her eyes. A Burnt Cuild Dreads the Fike. — A certain Dutchman, owner of a small house, had effected an insurance on it of eight hundred dollars, although it had been built for much less. The house burnt down, and the Dutchman then clnimed the full amount for which it had been insured; but the officers of the company refused to pay more than the actual value, about six hundred dollars. He expressed his dissatisfaction in powerful broken English, interlarding his remarks wilh some choice Teutonic oaths. " If you wish it," said the cashier of the insurance company, " we will build you a house much larger and better than the one burned down, as we are positive it can be done for even less than six hundred dollars." To this proposition the Dutchman objected, and at last was compelled to take the six hundred dollars. Some weeks after he had received the money he was called upon by the same agent, who wanted him to take out a policy of life insurance on himself or on his wife. "If you insure your wife's life for 2000 dollars," the agent said, " and she should die, you would have the sum to solace your heart." " Dat be tain 1 " exclaimed the Dutchman. You 'suranee fellows ish all tiefs ! If I insure my vife, and my vife dies, and if I goes to de office to get my two tousand dollar, do I gets all de money ? No, not quite. You vill say to me, she vasn't vort two tousand dollar; she was vort about six hundred. If you don't like de six hundred dollars ye vill give a bigger and better vife!"