MARRIED BY TELEGRAPH —AN AMERICAN STORY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 409, 6 September 1869, Page 3

MARRIED BY TELEGRAPH —AN AMERICAN STORY.

" Mr Leary, are you a married man ? " " Very, sir." " Yen, ? Why do you say v-ri/ ? " '* Because my dear little wife and I are bound together by wire." : " Latimer Leary, you talk enigmas." f '■' Then, sir, to be as plain as-n primer, I will inform yon Iwas married by telegraph." "You don't say so ? " " Yes, I do." Then tell the company all about it." " I will, with pleasure." And ilr Leary proceeded to narrate the following amusing story. — "Ladies and gentlemen, my wife is a second cousin, and was also a Leary. She once resided in the city of Indianopolis, while I was a resident of Centreville,- in the same State. I was a bachelor of thirty, but fnll of romance and general love. I say general love, because I had not made a concentration. • Why don't you take a wife ? ' was eternally buzzed in my ears. ' Whom will I take ? ' said I. To this query a score of friends would say: 'Your relative, Kate Leary.' ' Kate Leary ! Why she is my cousin ! ' ' Only a second cousin,' they would retort; 'and your opposite, Latimer. *» Kate is a blonde, and you are as dark as Erebus or the ace of clubs ! ' I had never seen Miss Leary, but this continual association of the young lady with my wedded life liad an influence! One day a member of Congress exclaimed: ' Mr Leary, wore I single, I would assuredly pay court to your magnificent cousin. As I am married, aud you are my best friend, I earnestly hope you will possess that luxury.' At this period I was in business as a merchant. Having discharged a thieving clerk, 1 1 was so confined to my store, that a journey jto Indianapolis was out of the question. I ' was growing almost wild to see one whom all j praised and so many wished to wed. In a r few days from the call of my legislative friend, his brother, a noted judge, appeared at my store. The judge was also my devoted ally— a position intensified hy his recollection of being educated by my deceased father. Dra -viiig a daguerreotype from his coat, said he: 'I wish to show you something nice. j There, what say you to that ? ' I told him it ] was absolutely enchanting. ' Who is it ? ' I ; cried, with enthusiasm. ' This, my dear friend, is Miss Kate Leary, the lady I wish you to marry.' ' Tell me,' exclaimed I, 'is . she -is she all they claim for her ? ' 'My j dear friend, honestly as I value truth, I have not heard her sufficiently praised.' ' Why don't some man try his luck ? ' 'I am glad you ask. Simply because she is over-courted, and consequently hard to please. She is romantic, and I clearly see not winable by ordinary methods.' 'You say she is. very particular ? ' ' She is, sir.' ' Then gcod-bye for nie.' 'Not at all; she is rapturous over your likeness, and sends her cousinly love, with an invitation to visit her. I pledge you I omitted not a single good point in your body, calibre, or character.' 'Do you consider daguerreotype accurate?' 'I can tell you it don't flatter her. She has extraordinary beauty, and the kind that is more striking in animation or conversation.' " While mutual friends in Centreville were lauding my fair cousin, mutual friends in Indianapolis were decided in their eulogies of ■me, and preparing her mind for au alliance. I I am not very self-conceited. Believing such concoid must be born of an obvious fact, I settled on the idea of marrying this wonder beauty, soul, and accomplishment. My intent was quickly confirmed upon hearing that a very wealthy ard influential banker from Gotham was in the melting mood. I remember it was midnight. I hunted from my store the last of a hatch of chronic loungers, and selected the best stationery in my establishment. I was to write my first letter to Kate. From all that had passed a fine style was easy. I always flattered myself on my ! syntax, and Avill unegotistically affirm that ; my missive was at once tender, audacious, dignified, wild and intense. It struck her like an electric shock. The banker was ' laughed out of competition and your humble -. servant was master of the situation. Such a reply as I received ! Well — you must see it — you *kall see it. I have good gasworks, but am inadequate. In a brief time, we learned that each knew the other well. The much said by so many mutuals, superadded ,to our daguerreotypes and letters, made us a : comprehending couple. In fact, we confessed our love— a full round, ripe and luscious article. There could be no unsafety in the case. Our lineage was in common and every fact known. What followed is clear — an engagement !— yes, between unseen lovers and cousins. I was ' dying to fold her to my heart, but my solus condition and maturing i appointments postponed it indefinitely.' j What do you say ? Why didn't she visit one of our friends at Centreville ? I answer . you cheerfully. She was an oddity, fhei had her notions and would entertain them. Though we were plighted, she declared it

should not be said she made the first visit. Many believed she was right. I don't argue the point, hut merely answer a question. Weeks passed, letters were numerous and [ copiously saccharine. The time arrived, when I could endure my single condition no longer. What if some one were to cut mo out nfc the eleventh hour? With such love, what would become of me ? I was determined to own her, even if I did not see her ,for a decade. An idea dawned — a brilliant one I was determined to compass a speedy marriage and satisfy her thirst for romance. After a flood of tendeiTiess, by way of dramatic peroration, I wrote : ' , my adored one, let us depart from the stale routine, and wed by telegraph.' The idea took her by storm. Her answer was characteristic. It ran thus — 'Darling, I avit.t.. The idea is savoury, hut is it legal ! ' Immediately I sent for my friend the judge. Soon as he faced me, said I, ' Judge, is a marriage by telegraph legal ? ' •' Certainly, sir ; I see no objection to a contract by telegraph. I readily perceive how all requirements can be accomplished.' ' Will 3*oll state this opinion on paper, and pi'escribe a formula for an electric wedding ?' ' With pleasure, sir.' The judge understood me, and gladly complied. The result I forwarded to Kate by return mail, and soon received word that on the following Thursday she and proper authority would present themselves at tlie Indianapolis office according to said formula, there to enter upon the h ly e tate of matrimony. I tclV you, the appointed day was a great one among the mutual friends at each end of the wire. The affair was so novel that all else was eclipsed by the contemplation of it. Clergymen and witnesses assembled at the termini. There, iv full costume, two unseen lovers were to be made man and wife. The instrument began its tic-tic-ticking. I The operator read, the clergyman piit.ques--lions,T~answeredj"llie instrument dicF more work, and soon I was saluted sis the husband of Kate Leary. Happy was I, though the possessor of a lady I never beheld. One week passed, and I was still without help. My brain was becoming frenzied. I must see Kate, and I must go to her first, for it was her flat, aud well did I know what a Leary was. By entreat}* I prevailed upon a brother merchant to loan me his best clerk. Soon as he put his foot in the store I put mine in a stage en route for the capital of Indiana. Wh -n about twelve miles from the city we stopped for a passenger. It was a young lady, fcuch a being I never beheld, -he resembled my likeness of Kate, but was far moro beautiful. I own 1113* heart went out to her. Call mc fickle ; sa}* what you please, and I will bear it. I repeat, my heart gushed forth a flood of love. Here was a fix ! I, a married man, goiug to see his telegraph bride, and as telegraphically in 1oy<? with another woman. I began to repent my haste, and, when too late, saw the crime of marrying one I had never put eyes upon. -B!hatjKOJjldJLdo ? WhatcouULl^aoAL „ I Jhe. lady was also married, for I heard the driver call her madam. How she eyed nic ! I spoke about the coach winelow being raised to suit her. She thanked mc in tones that acted like an arterial stimulant. I was gone. Much conversation followed, and I was a goner. I saw she was giving me sweet, yet pleading looks. Heavens ! thought I, she is unhappily mated. Su pose I give her my sympathy. Yet should I jeopardise myself before such transcendent charms? -Should I betray my love, how would I feel in the presence of my wife, aud what power would 1 confer ou a total stranger? I had it. I would betray nothing, but offer consolation to a flower most surely neglected. We were the only passengers, and what a good chance! ' Madam,' saiel I, ' please pardon me, but you seem to exi-t under a cloud.' She sighed deeply. ' May I ask if you are a widow ? ' ' Well, sir, not a widow; though I don't live with my husband.' 'Poor soul!' continued I. She put her kerchief to her mouth. I thought about half of it went in; but of course it was to stop her emotion. ' You are not happy madam ? ' ' Very far from it, sir — I am miserable.' Fo was I — miserable to put my arms about her neck. ' Where do you reside, madam ?' 'In Indianapolis.' ' Have you friends there ? ' ' Many, sir.' 'No doubt of it. Allow me to ask, do you love this husband ? ' ' Devotedly, sir.' 'Then you would live with him ? ' ' Would be glad of the chance, sir.' * When did you see him last ? ' 'I have never seen him, sir.' Here she a-»ain half swallowed her kerchief.' 'Never seen him ! Why, what do you mean ? ' ' Sir, have you not read of a telegraphic wedding ? ' ' Julius Cresar ! ' cried I; ' tell me, are you Mrs Kate Leary ? ' 'I am ! ' ' Then fall over here ! ' And I took her to my bosom convulsively. As I relaxed, said she, ' Go on, Latimer; I knew you from your daguerreotype.' I will not prolong this, but merely remark that Kate is my next to the Great One above. I have never felt ashamed of my inconstancy, and would not lose her for the wealth of the Orient. I ever consider us as bouud together by wire; and when asked if I am a married man, I always feel like saying— very.