EXCHANGES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 123, 5 October 1868, Page 3

EXCHANGES.

(From Fun.) regulations. 1. No advertisement must be more than five feet six in its stockings, and its baptismal certificate, and the date of its last vaccination must be enclosed in every case. 2. Articles intended for exchange should be sent in open envelopes, in order that the Editor may help himself to anything he takes a fancy to. The name and address of the sender should be posted up on the door of the parish church in every instance, not publicationally for necessity, but as the good faith of a guarantee. 3. W r ine, beer, and spirits must not be sent by post unless enclosed in vessels of some sort. If forwarded loose it might run out, and, besides, it demoralises the postman. Ants-nests — we are compelled by bitter experience to add — must not be sent to the office, 80, Fleet street, but should be forwarded direct to their destination. The same rule applies to babies, live-tigers, and nitroglycerine. 4. No advertisement offering an exchange of fisticuffs, vituperative epithets, and retorts uncourteous will he inserted. Any article of the sort sent to the office will be returned, and interest charged at the rate of five nnnums per cent.

Cast. — I have a cast in my right eye. Should be glad to exchange it for one in the left, or one in neither. — Stkat Bismuß. Watch — I have a watch which keeps very bad time. Shall he happy to exchange it for a good chronometer. — Kewtun. QcADHir.LE. — I want eight guaranteed blackbeetles, tbat can dance the Caledonians or Lancers. I can offer a chest of drawers or a paper-knife in exchange. — Sillibilli. Crinoline. — What will anybody give me for a steel crinoline ? Would do nicely to train convolvulus or canary creeper over. I should like jewellery in exchange — O. Box — I have a very handy, goodsized bandbox, with the bottom out, the sides broken, and the lid lost. What will any one give me for it ? I should prefer poultry or a pair of ponies. — Julia. Piano. — For my perfectly new Indianrubber Amercan overshoes I want a pianoforte. I am open to offers, however, and miglit turn a bird-organ over in my mind before refusing. — B. Snakes. — I have a ro.ted antipathy to snakes, and an estate in fee simple in Eel-pie Island. lam anxious to exchange either or both. I would gladly take six months' holiday at the endot the year.— Civil Service. Secretaryship. — I have the secretaryship of a Joint Stock Company (Limited) that is going to the dogs as fast aa it can. Should be happy to exchange it for a free admission to Purgatory, the Black Hole at Calcutta, or the cells of the Inquisition. — Worried 1. Buildino. — I have a Very elegant castle in the air. I would with pleasure give a sketch of the ground plan and elevation in exchange for a site for it somewhere in the Midland Counties. — Visions. Sewing Machine. — I have a tame cabbage which follows me up and down the garden like a dog, and comes to a whistle. I don't mind taking one of Wheeler and Wilson's Sewing Machines in exchange. — Snip. Various. — I have nothing in the world but what I stand up in, and I want pretty nearly everything you can think of, but have nothing to give in exchange. I should prefer a reform of our Poor Law. — Pauper. Miscellaneous. — I have a whole lot of things from a freehold villa and a wife with independent means down to sixpenn'orth of muffins and a kettle-holder. I am ready to exchange any of them for anything- of a greater value. The kt-ttle-holder or muffins I would part witb for a diamond ring, or a set of pearl studs. The house I'd take six mansions in Park Lane for, and any one may have the wife for the trouble of fetching. — A. Brught.