Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 59, 22 July 1868, Page 3

Varieties.

! " Made c-f money"— an lielreia, " A deed of nottloment"— murder, i ♦* A deed without a name"— an unsigned will. What la the best remedy for n " deadlock ?" —Why, * " skeleton key," of course. Why nrc pretty- girls' «yes like oatmeal cakes ?— Became they ore apt to giro tho henrtburn. An litisn EdTAnwB»MBST.— More shep' herds than aheep. To BuTCimns.— llow much U the " we*l" of fortune a pound, and is it obtained from the " golden calf ?" A correspondent writes to aiy that, when Theodore gets thrnshed by Sir It, Napier, be will, of course, be " black and tunned I" The Civil Side at the Assize Courts. —Any sido whero thoro are no barristers or policemen, if you can Had it. An old gentleman, whose mastication is not the best, has just advertised for a butcher to supply him by contract. In this manner bo hopes and expects to get " tender meat!" The haughtiest peer who comes in his carriage to the Qucvn's lerce is sure to be thoroughly set down before he can enter the palace, Hi: art. — A rare article, sometimes found in human beings. It is soon, nowerer, destroyed by commerco with the world, or clac becomes fatal to its possessor. Little l'*4<]U* (idtntihing himaelf with the 'Varsity): « Woll, what d'ye think of us?" Friend: "You may be strong, but you're precious ugly and awfully short." Since the •< Girl of the Period," as depicted by the " Saturday Pooh-pooh," is entirely an imngtmwy creation on the psvrtof tint writer, it follows, as a matter of course, that he him* self must bo a miss creant 1 A gentleman, heir to largo property, bat born blind, is in want of a wife Beauty not requisite. She must be intelligent, amiable, and accomplished; but plainness will be no objection if anything short of palpable disfigurement. A gentleman who was, in a pecuniary point of view, much interested in the iasuo of the University tioat Hace, and who watched its progress from Hammersmith Bridge, cays that the whole time he was there be was in a state of extreme " suspense." Courting is often nude up of tho fact that the girl calls her beau a noblo youth, a hero, a genius; whilo ho calls her a paragon of be&uty and gentleness, and so they keep tickling eucli other till they get married, and then comes the scolding. X " My brother," said a good old backwoods preacher, " I'm gwino to preach you a plain narmiut, that even wimmen can understand. You can find my text in the five verses of the two-eyed chapter of one-eyed John." It was some time before it was perceived that be meant Ist John, chap. ii.