Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 44, 4 July 1868, Page 3

Varieties.

K In a gamo of cardu a good deal depends on good playing, nud good playing dopetuJH on a good deal. When is n hounemald liko a widow mourning for ilio lomj oi 1 hor husband 'i— When uho 'iMvcop-ing. What in tlio dllTcronco betweon a jealous loYor and a confiding one ?— Uno inistrtiDtH • llio otlior truflU hilhu. Why ia n mnn going tor a fmllor like a Tlrunkaril ulgninß tho plcilgo f— Hcuimiho (hoy Imvo both decided to Jlvo on wakr. Why 1a a young mini, about to lead bin lady lovo to tho nllar, lllw a town crior ?~Uc« cauuo thoy aro both about to ring a boll (hollo) i i hen comca tho cryingi Why In a public epvnkor, who Ih about winding up hid Jwldi'Ofln, liko ahoy wlio ha« doilO violence to bin wardrobe ?—Hocaußo lio'h toward liln clo«o (torcd bin clot hen), A confirmed old bachelor chopping a piece of limbor found it dlitlculb to flplit ( and ob> nerved to a frlond, " 'I'lilh Ih what I call womanhood."--" Why ho ?" iwkod hlo friend. —" Wliy I bccauHO it'H erosa-graincd." "l oay, (Mem," cried two disputing darkies, appealing for decision to a oablu umpire, v which word it> right— dl-zactiy or dezuotly ?"— Tho (Jftblo umplro rattnaiad a moniont, aitd lliou, with a look of wisdom, (t I can't tell por-zactly."

" You lost two logs in tho army, you Bay ; what did you gain by it ?" naked n gentleman of ft prisoner.—" Singlo blessedness, sir," ho replied, "for after that no woman would marry moi" AAmkmcan Mamiuoes. — An American editor remarks that ho ia glad to receive nmrringo notices, but requests that they bo ncnt soon after tho ceremony, nnd before the divorce in applied for. lie lino had several notices spoilt lv tills way. An Englishman was relating to a Russian friond tlint ho had onco neon on n country road a post with the inscription, " Thla road Iciulh to tho town j all persona who cannot rend Mil* may apply to tho blacksmith." To the groat anguish of tho narrator, his friend remained perfectly composed, and thanked him for hia story with v studied politeness nvhltth flhowed that, ho \w\ not understood It in tho lenflt. But noxt morning tho Russian burnt into his friend* room in convulsions of laughtor, exclaiming, «' My friend, Ido understand it now t Fool that I was not to think of itl Ab if tho blacksmith might not lio away from homo 1" y s Mn Snii'r's Litany.— -From doctors' pills, and western chills, and other ilia dcliror us. From want of gold, and wives that Bcold, and mnidons old, nnd elmrpor nold, deliver us. From Atlnging files, and greenish eyes, and bakers' pies, and babies' orlo9, a man that lion, and cloudy skies, and lovo that dies, flcklo tiofl, and gaudy dyes, delivor us. From bearded fcmalca, strong-minded women (thla don't jlnglo), fcmalo lecturer*), and rt'l other miwcullno Indies, deliver »w. From croaking doors, a wifo that snoron, confounded bores, deliver us. From colic, gripes, and Mrs Snipes, deliver us. * From modest girls, with waring curls, and teeth of pearls— 'Oh I never mind.