VARIETIES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 28, 15 June 1868, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A man's life is tco long when he outlives his character and his health. /JBe diary In giving advice. If it prove good, it will bo forgotten i but if it prove bad it wiil bo remembered, Dr South, when once preaching before Charles JI,, observed that the monarch aad | his attendants began to nod, and somo of | them soon after snored, on which he broke off [in his sermon, nnd said, "Lord Lauderdale, I lot mo entreat you to rouse yourself ; yoa lenoro so loud yeu will awake the King." j Piumb'b PnE9EßVATivE.— Sergeant Primo had n remarkably long nose, and being one I day out riding wns llnng fmm hb horse, and ' fell upon his faco in tite* middle of the road. A countryman, wbo saw the occurence, ran I hastily up, raised the sergeant from the mire, and asked him if ho was much hurt. The sergeant replied in tho negative. '* i zeo znr," said tho rustic grinning, "yer ploughshare saved yo l " V Water : a clear fluid once used as a drink. Policeman : a man employed to sleep in the open air. Bargain : a ludicrous transaction in which cither party thinks he has cheated tho other. Esquire ; everybody yet nobody, equal to captain, Jury j twelve prisoner* In a box to try one at tho bar. Informer : a wretch who is pardoned for being baser than his comrades. Lawyer ; a learned gentle* man who rescues your estate from your enemy and keeps it himself. yTho Journal of the Telegraph tells tho story of an odd telegraphic blunder;— A morchant who was absent from his home received a telegram informing him of his wife's safe delivery of n little girl ; at the samo time a letter from hia partner advised him that a dralt had been presented for SOOO dols, nnd tho signaturo Bccmcd rather doubtful. Tho merchant replied to both dispatches, but misdirected them. The astonishment of the wife may be imagined wben aho read, "I know nothing about it $ it ia a swindle." Tho partner rccolvcd "hearty congratulations upon his itafc deliverance," Tne Banki-r and thr Sailor.— When Mr Hankey wns in voguo as a London hanker a sailor had, as part of his pay, a draft on him for £50. This the sailor thought aa immense sum, and, calling at his house, insisted on seeing tho master in private. Title was nt length acceded to, and when the hanker and sailor met together, the following conversation ensued t— -"Mr Hankey," said tho sailor, " Ive got a tickler for yon i didn't liko to oxpose you bofore tho lads," 41 That was kind. I'ray, wliat'a the tickler ? " "Never mind j don't he afraid. I won't hurt you ; It's a fifty." "Ah, that's a tickler indeed." "Don't fret: givo mc Aye pounds now, nnd tho rcat at so much per week, Z -han't mention It to nnybody,"