THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XL, Issue 9, 1 November 1919, Page 7

THEY SAY

—There is a bacon famine. No doubt the food-hogs are responsible.

—A Standard motor car has been designed—so that everybody can A. Ford it.

—N.S.W. has declared soap a necessary commodity and many State politicians are borrowing some.

—Naval circles are excited at Jellicoe's Pacific recommendations, the point being that they are NOT pacific.

—Germany is going to run a £250,----000,000 State lottery. The Rev. J. J. North is getting his language ready.

—Turkey is not yet settled, but it is expected it will be settled for Christmas, and will cost £1 10s. a bird.

—Striking headline: "Swede in Trouble." Other suggestions, "Turnip's Dreadful Career," "Potato Loses an Eye."

—A man came to this office on Monday declaring he would not be a candidate for Parliament. His veracity is being carefully enquired into.

—The United States is going to build "beat the hull darned world" ships of 58,000 tons. She opiniates they'll be equal in every respect to the "Laurel Whalen."

—Canadian soldiers demand £400 per head blood-money. Anybody who wants to help pay the £160,000,000 requisite should emigrate to Canada right now.

—New Zealanders are to be taxed £170,000, which is to be given to the poor suffering dairy farmers for selling "cheap" butter. Rip it into the poor old doormat, William!

—It is rather plain that the unfortunate "ladies" who are writing to the papers on the servant girl question shave every day, and wear tr . (Oh, I beg your pardon !)

—A week has been earmarked for the destruction of rats in England, which leads to the question: "Are rats protected game within the meaning of the Act in New Zealand?"

—Owing to the severity of the housing problem in France, huts are being used. They have been used in every street in Auckland for 50 years. You can buy one for a £1000 any day. * * * —A Southern clothesmonger deplores the fact that pyjamas are no longer made up in Ebgland for NINEPENCE a dozen pairs. It IS something to be sorry about, isn't it?

—The Irish question, "Can ye tell me piaze phwere the foight is today?'*

WThe Kaiser is to be tried when Peace, is ratified. Pined—-a sovereign! .

—Tile works were burnt at. Taumarunui lately. Does this account for the high price of hats? -

—Although soldier candidates may be popular no one knows yet whether Manukau wants a Major.

—A bricklayer is claiming a peerage at Home. The bricks HE lays can't be common clay. What?

—Gisborne has a promising oil bore. He is probably related to the political bore who is always promising.

—The Wakiris are to be Christianised. They are already being sent to Heaven with bombs from the air. Let us pray!

—There will be a general shortage of wheat in both Australia and New Zealand. This will go against the grain.

—There may be two ladies in the next Parliament. for ten new Hansard reporters will be received at once. * * m —In France the people are trying "peaceful persuasion" on the profiteer. Some of those French wooden boots have steel toes. * * * —A land agent wishes us to state that the threepence he put in the church plate on Sunday was taken from his own banking account. * * * —Good returns are anticipated in onion and potato crops. Please don't forget this when the supply is cornered and the price goes up another 30 per cent. * * * —A gentleman was charged lately with the theft of a forge and anvil. A policeman proved that the accused's waistcoat pocket bulged suspiciously. * • . • —Somebody reckons it is impossible to inculcate honesty in butchers. Frozen meat is sold locally at new-killed meat prices. Rub it into the public, Mr. Profiteer. * * * —It is understood that philanthropic people are selling lis. 6d. hats for £1 12s. 6d., when they might get £1 15s. Will Mr. Massey give 'em £170,000 "equalisation." * * » —This is the age of heroism. No sooner do we hear of an airman who shakes dice with Death by flying across the world than a prohibition-, ist imperils his life by crossing a wet road without goloshes. .»■ » ■ "»' —Waipukurau provides gorgeous glimpses of typical New Zealand scenery. The consumptive soldiers there look out on the hospital conveniences and the officers' quarters. If there is a right and a wrong way of building apply to the Government for the wrong way!