THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXIX, Issue 48, 2 August 1919, Page 7

THEY SAY

—Wo. call our forests "virgin" because they iiave not been "axed."

—Sir John. Findlay, K.C., is in Auckland. Mr. Albert Glovor trembles in his seat. '

—A statuette of Drury's " The Hathor" has been stolen. Tins is a nude departure.

—Now if that vessel that is searching for mines would find one with plenty of coal wi it!

—(General Robin" wants an air defence service. ' By taking his salary nboiii'd lie could raise it.

—Tens of thousands of Sheffield workers are idle and hungry. If they can't buy tucker—steel!

—Newspaper court reporters were lately called on to decide the parentage of a child. Why these blushes?

—Ex-soldiers are joining the civil police in appreciable numbers. So the lumber trade will boom.

—The bank clerks are going to call their labour union a "guild." It is being formed so that their lives may be gilded.

—Quite a number of Staff Corps officers who have been majors for several years have been promoted to be captains.

—The next liquor worry wi]l be the State Control question. Every politician a publican aiid every publican a politician.

—Many people are writing to say they have remedies for ants. M<r. Mendelssohn believes there is no remedy for uncles.

—We have the assurance of a gifted lawyer that there is no law to prevent an 0.8. E. pawning his decoration if he so desires.

—"Governor-General,, at Suva — Warm Welcome." In fact, the day he got there it was 110 in the shade. White dneks and ice drinks!

—Owing to financial stringency Wiethe Government will spend only £80,----000 on its new Government Life Insurance Building in Wellington.

—The possible point about the unruly "barrackers" at Saturday's football matches is that they never were "barrackers" in the soldier sense. —The selling price of gold will be raised to p.c. Gold, by the way, is the mineral which disappeared from New Zealand nearly five years ago.

—Bank clerks have formed a labour union. By assiduous demand of their rights they hope ultimately to attain the financial status of carpenters.

—"I assure you," said the citizen, "blood will be split in Auckland yet." "Go on!" panted the pale person. "Yes," grunted the citizen, "I'm a surgeon."

—It is understood that all hands abja/d the steamer, "Euplectela " are teetotalers. If you don't believe it first have a "night out," and then say it rapidly ten times.

—The Government forbade the Auckland G.P.O. to illuminate its decoration (costing many hundreds of pounds) on the ground that the light would run into 2s. Bd. per hour.

—You can't pretend any more that the "Herald" isn't a comic paper. Headlines: "The House Famine. Conditions in Wellington. Cases of Overcrowding. Council to Build 17 Houses." That'll hou.se 'em! —The services of military .officers engaged in the direction of recruiting have been dispensed with. Heavens ! what a trying time they must have had for the pa,st nine months —wrists worn to fragments lifting pay envelopes.

-—British soldiers' wives may now join their husbands on the Rhine — if they have the Rhino.

—Hooray! Bill and Joe are coming home in the Niagara. All tke soldiers are in "transports!"

—-Several Auckland Patriotic (?) Companies and employers forgot to pay their employees for Peace Day.

—There were many lady competitors at Bisloy this year. They hoped that, like their rifles, they would '■'«o off."

—Although the Railway Department is not accepting contracts for carriage it is still calling for "tenders."

—The New Zealand coal crisis is nearly over. Pukebill and Inverjoe are bringing some nubs home in their suit-oases.

—One largo firm treated their employees generously. Evon the run-ner-boys were not forgotten on Peace Saturday.

—The Rugby Union officials were pleased with tho result of the Gram-mar-King's match. Another geod gate in view.

— 'An' how wis it ye never telt y->r mither ye'd won the V.C., Jock? -, "Well, ye ken it wisna' ma turn to write!"

—W. S. Bruce, ox-soldier, will oppose Semple for the Wellington South seat. Brace watches the spider once more.

—The Newmarlfet Council Chambers were adorned with a thistle and a shamrock for Reace Day. Where was tho "Leek?"

—It is now definitely proved that the Mt. Eden Council engineer never light.; a fire from the top of it is in his own home grate.

Burgess, W.'L.H., Brig.-Gen., C.J.J., C.M.G., D.5.0., U.S.S., D.0.M., O. do L.D.H. Heavens! Find tho missing letter!

—An Australian politician's estate has been sworn at £45,000. It is understood that at some time he must have been a journalist.

—The great Semple had put in a mild objection to the Peace celebrations, and, of course, the papers advertised our sweet .Bob by printing it.

—Land philanthropists want a central joint land mart in Auckland. The accumulated could thus get the amalgamated carcase in one spot.

— Keimiera residents are jubilant with the prospect of having the City Council's P<>ace Memorial removed front the side walk on R emu era Road.

—The llaihvay Department's method of curtailing the trains and then attaching two engines to one train reduces the coal shortage, plea to a farce.

—Goods valued at £100 have been stolen from a local grocery store. It is supposed they consisted of a piece of bacon, a pat of butter, and a hi mo of coal.

— Bella by's and the Moat Company are wondering if the City Council intend to erect .similar buildings to those in Jtenniera outside their other city branches.

—Advertisement daily paper September, 1919 : Lost lady's small handbag, containing month's coal ration. Return "Distressed Owner," "Daily Comet" Office.

—Antagonists to the reappointmeiit of a German professor to a New Zealand University Chair declare, on the evidence of the White Paper, one portion of the Zedlitz powder is wrapped in Prussian blue.

—Two capable medical men exports were hurried to a Itcmuera bouse lately by an astonished citizen wbo thought the household mad. Said the doctor with a sigh of relief, ''Hull! tliey'r-e only 'jazzing. , " —The Railway Department pours ignominy on humiliation over the wretched passenger. ThTo boy who sells the tickets is to be the "judge of whether a merchant's journey is necessary. Anybody with a good cure for rats should sell it to the Government.