SWATCHES FRAE A SODGER'S SCRIPT.

Observer, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 6, 13 October 1917, Page 17

SWATCHES FRAE A SODGER'S SCRIPT.

GRAVE AND GAY

By "Dry Rations."

HOW COMES THIS CURSE OF WAR?

How comes this curse of war That fosters human hate, And scatters grief afar O'er many a ruined State? Death dancing to and fro, Stilling the faith and hope That some day human woe Would quit our horoscope.

Is it for this man sprung From out the dim dark age, And taught the Infant tongue To read life's loftier page? That tells of Man—not Brute, Of woman sweet and pure, That made them tune life's lute To songs that sweetly lure. Along the way of love, The righest loftiest thing, Born of the Sun above That maketh man a King. - Go tell it not! Foul lie, Progress comes not through hate: 'Tis true we're born to die, But Murder's riot our fate. We have to rise. We must From want and war's red ruth, And'found a state so just, No queen shall rule but truth. •■• » ' "AN AWFU' TALE." Under the influence of treacle ale I had' thochts o' the story o' All Baba and the Forty. A' iat aince the word Washington "struck across the brain and flushed a' my cheek." A la Tennyson and God's sake, it exclaimed, New Zealand must be a grander place than America- that had only one Washington. Hence the change of story. Come lend me your Auricular Tilt I unfold a tale, An' I'll bo maist particular It's neither lang nor stale. It's aboot a hoose in Wellington— A hirhty hoose it is; Wlrnir mair than seventy Washingt<ms Attend oor country's biz. An' nane verc ever kent to lie, No: c'en when they were boys, An !'r. the last that wad deny They ever made a noise.

Bit thi.i I'll swear for words an' wind Aa' circling roon an' roon, That these Washingtons wad lea«*« behind The vv.y man i' the moon. Ar. for a' ti:ey say an' a' they dae Alas! an' wae is me; I think they'd better be oot at play An' lat oor country be. ■•. • •

A certain crack regiment had a tip-top instructor who never attained any rank higher than LanceSergeant." Mustering his squad from the newly-joined draft, he addressed them: "So, you came from the Second Battalion, did you? I didn't ever know them to turn out a snmrt squad yet, but I'll try ye. I shall give you a bit of marching to warm you up. Shun! Don't you make the slightest move till the last word of command. D—m! you there what are you moving your eyelashes for? Now, by the right! April!" He yelled out and they started off. "Halt!" he yelled again, "I kent ye wer e d—d fools when I first saw ye." (It was the first of April.) The squad kept their opinions to themselves.

Main Barracks, Dublin. SergeantMajor had a squad of 4th Kings for final drill test ere dismissing them as dutymen. "The colonel will be out soon to look on and I want you to buck up. Two things he hates in this regiment are astronomers and gold prospectors. Look straight, never bother the sun, he's busy creating lots of good, bad and indifferent objects like yourselves, and don't look on the ground. The men of our regiment come mostly from Lancashire and have no money to drop. Keep your ears open! Do you wash them! Very well, then, no mistakes. When you're dismissed don't frequent the canteen too often, read the bible issued with your kit when

you have time and while you may growl like Hell—don't swear"—%nd the colonel came. I heard no more.

A general,, once colonel of the 26th Cameronians, Scottish Rifles, held a parade to present two men- with A.T.A. (Lord Bob's pet scheme) silver riiedals for 5 years' total .abstinence (Sec. A.)'. (Sec. B. were one pint a day boys.) The colonel who had no war service himself (parades of this sort get on the nerves of the "Old Contempts") declared to the men's secret amusement that any damned fool could win the V.C. but it too a hero to do without drink for five years..

Pte. Andy H. was a small man but proved a brave one according to records, at Tel-el-Kebir. New lielmets, etc., were served out after the war and the Regiment had to attend clothing parade for inspection by colonel as to fit. The company rolls were being called—Andy had a terrible big helmet served which had just slipped right over his face. When his name was called, he shouted "Absent, sir!" and Andy's name was on the gate for seven days thereafter with several men caught grinning.

Sawy C , of the Black Watch, was crimed for throwing his ration, mostly bone, just served out by the orderly corporal, into the coal box, and was in due course brought before "Red Mick" or "Andy" (the two pet names for General Wauchope, of glorious memory). "No. 3383, Pte. S. C , etc., destroying Her Majesty's rations. What have you got to say for yourself?" Pte. S. C- , pulling large knuckle bone down the sleeve of his white shell jacket and suddenly banging it on the Colonel's table," "Dis Her Majesty ca' that a ration for a fechtin' ' sodger?" Wauchope (grin): "S. C — seven days. Orderly corporal deprived. March the prisoner out."