THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVII, Issue 49, 11 August 1917, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That four German, correspondents have been awarded the Iron Cross. "Captain Malcolm Boss, V.C., D.5.0., 1.D.T." —That a bright chap .suggests that "drink tickets" .should be issued by the Efficiency Hoard. What about the paper shortage? —That all hands are still complimenting about "the, French spirit"—and eau de vie really i.s an admirable tiling in reason. —That the redcap police force of Auckland is increased. It is now strong enough to run down soldiers in uniform carrying umbrellas. —That Mr John Cullen, 1.5.0. ex-Police Commissioner is planting berries at Tongariro. No ! No ! He doesn't ride a hlack horse at all. —That thus an "ad: "Wanted, typiste—smart at figures." Who wouldn't be in an eight guinea tailor-made and "allotment" seals? —That it is' not accurately known what the gentleman said! when the thief stole in but it might appropriately have been "Dormer und Blitzen." —That the Hun is still persona grata in N.Z. and the truthful daily press carefully records the valedictory purse of sovereigns to Hans. Nobody, yells! —That as the Government recommends dearer beer of lower gravity, a water tax seems to be the proper thing to swing on to Bung, Hop 6 and Co. —That the earthquake in the Wairaparapa shook down a loyal citizen's portrait of King George. Underneath was found the citizen's real Emperor—Wilhelm of Prussia. —That the N.Z. committee of Public Morals unlimited is hereby sadly informed that when British airmen cannot get a target they wireless "N.8.G." Such language! —That manufacturers having raised tobacco prices 6d per pound, the retailers will put an extra penny on every one; ounce, and three-quart-ens. Heaven bless the Minister of Finance! —That a correspondent wants to know "What are the aims, and objects of the Second Division League?" Don't know, but know what they ought to be: Aim guns; object Huns. —That Frickleton, V.C., is a West Coast miner. He performed one of the greatest personal British feats of the war. He ought to be extremely - unpopular with West Coast miners. —That apropos a famous character again in the public eye, he once said, "Aw., my regiment the Grenadier Gahds, you know"—to which a British officer immediately retorted—' 'Liar V' No challenge! —That Sir James Allen agrees that the generals commanding the N.Z. division should issue a newspaper once a month. That would relieve Captain Malcolm Ross of his tremendous monthly strain. —That the gentleman who recently won £500 at cards on a .railway train is probably aware that the sinful Chinese are always raided when there's £5 in the "bank" and they're our Allies, too! —That the National Government is a happy family. That the National Government is not a happy family. That there will be a general election before the war's over. That the National Government will last until the .end of the war. Yes. No.

—Thjat they issue sugar cards at Home how. * Even the King doesn't play a full hand. —That -British shipping pro-fits last year were £350,000,000. That's the way to win the war. . —That if we. have to pay more for our picture shows we will have to cut down our bread ration, that's all. —That China i.s added to the Allies. Third A.M.R. Band got a copy of the Chinese National Anthem yet? —That there is to be a "revolt" in N.Z.'politics. It i.s not yet known whether the Czar will retire to Bruceselkoe. —That 'Wellington is now allowed gas up to 8 o'clock at night. Wellington's I.W.W. masters are evidently relenting. —That miles of stuff is being written about who began the Avar. The only thing worth' considering is who's going to end it? —That P. C. Webb took his place in Parliament without a word from anyone but John Payne—John only called him a nasty name. —That Sir Joseph hopes to raise £90,000 by the amusement tax and the amusements thank him for a chance to raise £180,000. —That a N.Z. Parliamentarian exclaims "What Russia wants is a Mam!" but he- doesn't know how he's going to get to Russia. —That there is a crisis in the B-' tish. Cabinet and Lloyd George's political days are numbered. Why d'idn't our Bill stay at Home? —That when, our esteemed Ally, M. Hippeau, spoke glowngly of I'entente cordiale on War Day every voice shouted "Hippeau ray!" —That experts have, been recalled from the Army to N.Z. to make sharp-nosed ammunition. Wonder who's going to get shot locally? —That every man must notify his change of address. Young ladies on goodl "allotments" notifj 7 their change of a dress frequently, too. —That the local "'passing on" of taxes not yet imposed is one supposes strictly, in accordance with clean honourable business dealing. —That/ vide Sir James "the coastal defences are ready for any emergency." "Dreadnought to the East—at fifteen miles—commence!" —That the hungry Huns are now eating crows, for which they pay Is 8d each. The food profitteers evidently can't resist an opportunity to "rook" them. —That sellers of short weight butter in Wellington have been wheeled up. No short weight in Auckland, dearest brethren. Let us sing a hymn ! —That Mr Gunson wishes us to study the economic situation. A branch of the study is to get several hook-nosed profitteers breaking stones right now. —That N.Z. exports (or keeps in store) its best cheese. Its "Skim Dick" it gives to its own people at a thumping price. Vod am I? i Much of it is good for pigs. —That in the same papers which published the story of the fiendish murder by Germans of many British seamen there were kindly references to local Huns. Out 'em out. —That a number of "essential industrialists" are to be "recombed." Hope the authorities won't comb out a leading merchant's heir. Pa talks patriotism and Son hides. —That when a pseudo "Captain" hits innocent Auckland, he always selects for himself a name that is repeated a few dozen times in the Army list. AV'here is the Intelligence Staff? —Thiat it will be useful in dealing with the local food mongers who put up the price before the new tax is imposed to .send some weights and measures folk to the most deeply religious of the profiteers.